SERIOUS PUMPAGE.
Posted on April 4, 2019 2 Comments
With Wrestlemania 35 looming on the horizon, now seems like a perfectly good time to jump inside a time machine with your trusty Uncle T.
In the wrestling world, nothing really tops a perfectly executed promo or backstage “vignette”. The really strong ones are considered sacred ground, with fans reciting quotes or playing clips repeatedly for nostalgia sake and pump-up factor. This was my understanding until I remembered the lost art of MUSIC VIDEOS that promoters often created for wrestlers.
It doesn’t matter if you’re a fan or wrestling or not. These videos are on a level that all walks of life can appreciate. So get ready to be moved, confused, aroused, frightened, emotionally stricken and downright inspired at the same time from watching these clips of absolute video gold. (Thanks Jason Eisner for reminding me!)
#1
Wrestler: “Macho Man” Randy Savage
Song: Rock Warriors by The Rods
Notes: The late-great Randy Savage was once hospitalized in 1991 after Jake the Snake’s python took a bite out of his arm in a match on WWF Superstars. Savage was told at the time the snake was devenomized but ended up with a 104-degree fever. Savage lived, the snake died a few days later. Anyways, this song rips and it’s perfect for Randy.
#2
Wrestler: Lord Humongous
Song: War Machine by KISS
Notes: Lord Humongous’ character was of course based on the post-apocalyptic psychopath “Lord Humungus” from 1981’s Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior. The wrestler was played by over 8 different wresters during his tenure in the ring. Since he always wore a hockey mask that covered his entire face, promoters replaced him without publicly acknowledging it. The character was even played by Sid Vicious for a couple of years!
#3
Wrestlers: The Thrillseekers
Song: Rock America by Danger Danger
Notes: The Thrillseekers were the Canadian duo of Chris Jericho and Lance Storm. All I’ll say this…There’s no better fitting song for a video of two friends laughing it up at the amusement park, playing arcade games, ice skating, throwing snowballs, bungee jumping and riding horses. Just watch.
#4
Wrestler: Nightmare Freddy
Song: Wooly Bully by The Elm Street Group
Notes: Oh, you didn’t know that after Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare in 1991, the child murderer started taking up a new endeavor: wrestling in Memphis as a GOOD GUY. Yes, “Nightmare Freddy”, played by Doug Gilbert actually came to the ring wearing blade gloves and was one of the good guys. Now I’ll stop typing so you can stop reading and watch the video.
#5
Wrestlers: The Fabulous Ones
Song: You Dropped A Bomb On Me by The Gap Band
Notes: This tag team consisting of Stan Lane and Steve Keirn were one of the first teams to adopt the “smug pretty boy” gimmick which many wrestlers are still doing to this day. Denim, bubble baths and farmhand sensuality? THIS ROCKS.
#6
Wrestler: Kerry Von Erich
Song: Here I Go Again by Whitesnake
Notes: We saved the best for last. Hell, the first minute of this video alone could cure depression. But in all seriousness, while it’s hard to mention the name Kerry Von Erich aka “Texas Tornado” and not think of his tragic death at only 33 years old, this video is a powerful two minute and forty-three second testament to the greatness of this man and his legacy. R.I.P. big guy. Enjoy!
Let us never forget Kerry Von Erich’s only movie appearance, playing a “neo-nazi” prisoner in 1990’s Problem Child!
MOTLEY CRUE’S MALIGNED MASCOT, ALLISTER FIEND (Part 1).
Posted on March 28, 2019 3 Comments
My favorite band growing up was Mötley Crüe. Hearing “Kickstart My Heart” for the first time was the most explosive shot of musical adrenaline I’d ever experienced. I remember the day sitting shotgun in my older cousin’s Bronco and the hairs on my arms standing up. It felt like the audio equivalent to launching off a wave in the ocean or as Vince Neil belts out, to “skydive naked from an aeroplane”. So before I knew what the band looked like and all the debauchery that came with it, my first love was the music. Both Too Fast for Love and Shout at the Devil are easily in my top 10 “desert island” album list. My fiends I watched their VH1 ‘Behind the Music’ so many times, we made our own version of it with us playing each band member. Oh boy.
When I first saw what these glammed out barbarians looked like, I really didn’t know what to think. But I loved weird action moves and was starting to dabble in horror, so something about this started to make a lot of sense. These guys seemed like they crawled right out of the sewers of some post-apocalyptic b-movie but at the same time they were total studs. Like they could invade your high school, beat up jocks and steal your girlfriend. I was instantly obsessed. The Crüe were the only band that really sold me with the “this really is who we are” notion. They looked the part and were the part. Sleazy party animals with not a single fuck to give in the world. Straight out of a Mad Max or high-school-exploitation movie. While more shocking bands existed at the time, the difference between those groups and the Crüe (aside from the music) was that Mötley had the most fun and got the girls. Tons of girls.
My bedroom wall became a 100% Mötley Crüe shrine. Dozens of magazine clippings, posters and lithographs took over my bedroom with not an inch of wall space left. I remember opening my eyes in the morning for my paperboy route and seeing my dad staring at this 9’x13′ wall of four guys in make up, fishnet, leather, denim and women’s pants holding guitars, beers and cigarettes. I’ll never forget that bewildered look on his face.
On the backside of my bedroom door was one of those long door posters with the band’s somewhat obscure mascot, ALLISTER FIEND.
I remember laying in bed so many times and starting at this rad bastard, wondering who and what an “Allister Fiend” was?! I owned so much Mötley Crüe paraphernalia and could find virtually nothing on this guy aside from the one poster. Even the album inserts contained not a single drawing or reference to this so-called “mascot” of my favorite band. It drove me bananas. Clearly the band did not hold him in the same regard as say, Iron Maiden did with “Eddie”. But why? He’s fucking rad! I started to question his credibility and that maybe the poster was a bootleg. It also didn’t make sense because Mötley Crüe have always been a pretty transparent band. They wear everything on their sleeve and you’d think something on this guy would have floated to the surface.
Then as I was attending Crüe shows over the years, I started seeing him on fan’s t-shirts…
Still I wondered, was Allister Fiend a mascot “failure”? Or was he just some cartoonish exaggeration of Nikki Sixx with no backstory?
Then many years later I discovered this on the back of a lithograph print:
TO BE CONTINUED…
(Part 2 of this feature will be TNUC’s exclusive interview with the artist who created Allister Fiend!)
LUCK O’ THE BEER WOLF.
Posted on March 17, 2019 2 Comments
Happy St. Patrick’s Day! We don’t normally have anything remotely interesting to report on this holiday, but my soul got a burst of euphoria this morning when this Coors Light commercial from 1986 featuring our hairy hero BEER WOLF just landed on my desk (thanks Melissa! ♣). Not only is this the first full-length commercial I’ve seen him appear in, but it’s also the first time I’ve heard him speak!
If you’re unaware of the fun-loving, beer guzzling beast known as Beer Wolf, he was Coors Light’s mascot that the company developed in the mid 1980’s. Just think Bud Light’s ‘Spuds Mackenzie’, but way more obscure, gnarlier, hunkier and he never stops partying like tomorrow is the end of the world. Ol’ BW is into leisure activities like extreme water sports, strutting down the beach and just getting radical at all times.
During his early years, Beer Wolf had darker fur and appeared much more grizzlier, as seen in his St. Patty’s Day campaign.
Uncle T is probably the most devoted disciple to everything Beer Wolf and my collection of BW items is pretty absurd. If you happen to be on Instagram, search the tag #BeerWolfWednesday to see my assortment of incredible nonsense.
Artwork by Beau & Alan Daniels, 1987. (Thanks Chrome & Lightning)
♣
TOYOTAL RECALL.
Posted on February 27, 2019 3 Comments
Douglas Quaid had the wrong dream. Instead of falling victim to the seductive powers of Rekall Inc., where he would end up fighting for his life, all he needed to do was go back in time to a Toyota dealership.
In 1991, Toyota weren’t just selling cars, they were selling action-packed implanted memories! See for yourself in this commercial.
Awfully similar to 1990’s Total Recall, this adventure starts with a clean cut man in great shape and with a perfect haircut. Then, one of Toyota Laboratories’ sultry scientists sends him away on a dreamscape of rock climbing, jet flying and kayaking through wild rapids. He travels from place to place in his vehicle preference, “a Toyota 4×4…the black one”.
Car commercials like this one are the number one reason why I mute the television or fast forward through every car commercial these days. Call this blatant rip-off of a successful science fiction film “cheesy” or over the top, but it’s also just flat out fun. Don’t even get me started on the McDonald’s and Pizza Hut commercials with heavy storylines. I’ve cried.
Don’t upset mutant baby Kuato.
Big thanks to Nick A. for supplying TNUC with the keys to this commercial. Go follow him on Instagram @yankeecurator for more vintage commercial gold!
TURTLE CITY SOUNDTRACK.
Posted on February 20, 2019 Leave a Comment
It’s been said before but I’ll say it again. If you were a child in the late eighties or early nineties, count your blessings. One prime example of how lucky we were was growing up with live-action-martial-arts-superhero gem known as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie.
The comics and animated series had been around for years, but the 1990 big screen blockbuster brought things to such a REAL level. It catapulted the Turtle’s story from cartoonish to something gritty and dark. Most people I talk to are still in agreement TMNT: 1990 is not a kids movie. If you haven’t watched the film since childhood, give it a viewing and see for yourself. Sure, it’s packed with silly moments and has action sequences featuring men in rubber turtle suits doing karate, but there’s so much more to this movie. SO much more.
It’s interesting that most of the things I was into as a kid, I still love today. Especially when it comes down to the real impactful stuff, like TMNT 1990. What makes this film timeless is that it didn’t play down to kids and I assume was intended for a much wider audience. It had the visuals, dialogue, atmosphere and attitude of some crimewave action movie you’d catch on TV in the middle of the night but this particular story happened to be about superhero reptiles. There is serious depth to the story and characters, all while never straying from the course of having fun. TMNT is also packed with the most impressive amount of violence in a PG movie probably ever.
As a pint-sized, 5-year old TNUC, when I first heard about the movie I was naturally excited for the mere fact that it was the Turtles and I needed to consume anything that involved my heroes in a half-shell (especially pizza related things). However, up until that that point it had only been the cartoon series and toys.
After seeing the movie, I couldn’t get enough and eventually wore out my VHS copy. Suddenly the world of TMNT felt 10x more lifelike and relatable, as the Turtles faced realistic-looking street gangs, punkers, city life, teen angst and the annoyance of late delivery pizza.
I’ll never forget the visuals that dug deep into my brain and remained there still to this day. Specifically crime-ridden New York City, the sewers, Domino’s Pizza, Casey Jones, underground secret hang outs, Raphael in a trench coat, Raphael’s attitude, that little TV being stolen from the lady’s fire escape and teens smoking cigarettes/skateboarding/gambling and drinking ALL the Pepsi they could handle. This visual feast was something I cherished over and over again. Even small things in the movie like the Foot Clan “wallet snatching” during the opening. My friends and I used to pretend doing this all the time. My folks were probably questioning how impressionable I was.
One staple of the film which I really didn’t sit back and appreciate until years later is the music. You want to talk about depth and drama in this “kids” movie? Have a listen to the amazing score by John DuPrez and prepare for chills.
Now here comes some good news. For the first time ever, the official and complete score to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was released by Waxwork Records this year. Sourced from the original masters, the complete film music by DuPrez has been re-stored and re-mastered. This special release marks the very first time the score has been released on Vinyl or CD.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Original 1990 Score Features:
- The Complete 1990 Score by John DuPrez
- Available For The First Time In Any Format
- New Art by TMNT Co-Creator Kevin Eastman
- 180 Gram 2xLP Colored Vinyl
- Poster Illustrated by Kevin Eastman
- 1990 TMNT Movie Poster Postcard
Listen to the score in the video link above, then grab the Vinyl here or CD here. If you’re a fan of the movie, this physical release is worth every penny.
TNUC THEMES PART 1.
Posted on January 24, 2019 Leave a Comment
Keeping on course with the TNUC 10 Year Anniversary celebration, now seems like a good time to ease the seat back and listen to some of Uncle’s most prized choices of audio euphoria. Songs that helped build the foundation of this place back in 2009 and inspire a decade of debauchery.
In this first installment of TNUC THEMES, we’re going back to the very beginning. Some of these you might have heard 100 times, but since they’re of ultra-importance in the lineage of TNUC, I’m not leaving them behind. Sink in and listen. (Download links included!)
How could we NOT begin with the quintessential Tangerine Dream track from one of the classic scenes in Risky Business. It’s the gateway song for so many synth fiends, soundtrack lovers and Tangerine Dream freakazoids. It’s still the dreamiest track to ever exist and I put it high on the shelf above everything. You’re also a liar if you proclaim to have not fantasized about a train ride with lady of the night, Lana. The version you’re hearing now is an extended, slicker rendition the band released in 2008.
1) Tangerine Dream – Love On A Real Train (2008)
The great thing about an instrumental version of this track is that it allows YOU to be Frank Dux (Jean-Claude Van Damme) running around Hong Kong from the cops just like in Bloodsport. Download the track, then drive out to your nearest “Chinatown” or “Little Tokyo” and have a friend play it on a boom box while you run around the city and cause a scene. You won’t regret it.
2) Paul Hertzog – Steal the Night (Instrumental)
Lovelock (disco side project of Steve Moore from Zombi) cooked up this scrumptious edit of Pino Donaggio’s ‘Telescope’ from the Body Double soundtrack that he ended up calling ‘Pino Grigio’. Steve took a perfect slice of suspense and erotica and turned it into something truly hypnotic. This is one of Uncle T’s most played tracks while he floats around the pool with a spicy drink and the torturous sun turning his skin the color of a perfectly cooked hot dog.
3) Lovelock – Pino Grigio
During the early days of the Valerie Collective, a phantom by the name of Stephen Falken (one half of The Outrunners) would pop up from time to time to deliver a stellar song or mixtape. To this day his whereabouts, an actual photo or any personal information about Professor Falken remains a complete mystery. This mystique has always been part of his allure, the other big part being the music. When it comes to Falken tracks, the magic is in the simplicity. Similar to the Tangerine Dream formula, ‘Shadow of the Wind’ has that dramatic build and celestial spirit (without going overboard) that keeps you coming back for repeated listens.
4) Stephen Falken – Shadow of the Wind
If readers of this site have enjoyed the more lustful, steamy side of TNUC, it’s all thanks to Uncle T hearing this track years ago. Nothing is steamier and more tender to the senses than the saxophone eruption at 0:32 seconds into this song. It’s like being whisked away to a private isle with Vanity circa 1985 and a cold box of Zima.
5) Black Box – Ghost Box
Have I beaten this one to death yet? Nope, not even close. If someone had a gun to my head and demanded I had to pick out one flaw about this song, it’s the sad fact that it wasn’t used in an action movie. This track aches and beckons for use in a car chase scene or even better, playing inside a foggy nightclub with Italian model-looking babes dancing with Dolph Lundgren-looking men in trenchcoats. Time for a new TNUC video, perhaps…
6) Pamela Stanley & Paul Parker – Stranger In A Strange Land
† † †
Thanks for listening. Plenty more TNUC THEMES on the way!
