HARD ‘N HEAVY BABES.

I feel a rumbling in the air lately. People are starved. They need a release. As I walk the beach dunes every night I hear the distant cry of “WE WANT IT HARD. WE WANT IT HEAVY”.

Really though, I think Uncle T speaks for a majority of us who are sick of the watered down, ‘neutered norm’ of today. Of course I’m talking about dating apps, hashtags, memes, streaming music platforms, staring through your phone during a concert, short attention spans, round cars, cheap fame, “influencers”, TV apps, grocery delivery services…the list goes on. Are you nauseous yet? I digress.

Don’t get me wrong, TNUC isn’t ignorant to modern ideas or progression, but is it too much to ask for some simplicity again? We just want to step into a dimly-lit pizza parlor on a Friday night and sit down at a vinyl booth under a neon chandelier with an ice cold pitcher of Barq’s root beer, then play something for a nickel on the table jukebox. After that, head over to the video rental store across the street and choose a movie in 20 minutes or less. Am I dreaming?

So cut the shit already society. We have enough stuff!

How does any of this relate to 1991’s Hard ‘N Heavy Babes Volume 1 Video Calendar? I’m still trying to connect the dots. Please just bare with me because I know you’ll enjoy Rebekka, Tuscany, Michelle, Karen, Carol, Brittany, Jennifer, Tamara, Tatiana, Sheila, Beckie and Kinjir doing what they do best…strutting their goods to the sounds of a generic (but great) rock band called Loud & Clear!

Each video vixen tells us a little about themselves over the course of this 47-minute tape, like Rebekka who explains that she rides motorcycles because “they’re fast and it’s a lot of power in between my legs”. She also likes to shoot hoops, play baseball and has starred in music videos for both Great White and Huey Lewis & The News.

THE DREAM IS ALWAYS THE SAME.

Tangerine Dream’s music for Risky Business is still my favorite film score of all time.

Every few years it happens. A little time will go by from watching the movie and I end up forgetting how much I love everything about it. Then something jogs my memory and I’m thrust right back into being awestruck at this magic combination of music & film.

Risky Business would absolutely not be the same without Tangerine Dream. It’s also one of those big films of the decade that people shrug off and forget how brilliant it is. There’s a lot more going on than the cliché scene with Tom Cruise dancing around his living room in his underpants. A hell of a lot more.

We’ve covered so many peak moments of movie-music power on this site over the years, but I still swear nothing comes close to TD’s masterful work for this 1983 coming-of-age story. It flows so seamlessly and works better than anything I can think of, with the music in itself being a character of the film. Even with all this power, it doesn’t distract you from the scenes. The dreamy, hypnotizing tracks pull you in and entice the viewer, enhancing the overall experience greatly.

This week TNUC discovered an artist out of Southhampton, United Kingdom called State Azure who does a stunning cover of some of the soundtrack music while staying truthful to the original sound. Check out the live-in-the-studio performances below. *Hopefully you can listen to this at night or in the dark.*

After the 9,000th listen to ‘Love On A Real Train’ in my life, it’s still the most remarkable piece of electronic music I’ve had the pleasure of hearing. Subtle, seductive, emotional, nostalgic, evocative. It could be partly due to it being one of the first synthesizer instrumentals I remember even noticing as a teen, but it struck a nerve and still holds up tremendously.

These two tracks are from State Azure’s all Tangerine Dream covers album called “Dreams” that he released last year. Get that here. 

I can’t leave this article without posting my other favorite piece from the soundtrack…..

“Are you ready for me, Ralph?”

DEFINITELY MIAMI.

With warmer weather approaching and an optimistic tone in the air, I can think of no better time to transport back to 1987 for the MIAMI VICE ACTION SPECTACULAR at Universal Studios Theme Park!

Remember that scene in Wayne’s World when Garth is looking down on the brand new, ultra-polished television studio version of his best friend Wayne’s basement and says “we’re looking down on Wayne’s basement, only that’s not Wayne’s basement. Isn’t that weird?” The crew agrees and Wayne congratulates Garth that what he just said was a haiku.

Four years into the pop culture explosion Miami Vice the TV show, Universal Studios opened the Miami Vice Action Spectacular stunt show. Each performance was an adventure-packed 15 minutes with faux Sonny Crockett and Ricardo Tubbs chasing bad guys, dodging bullets, dodging explosions, jet-skiing and power boating to the slick sounds of Jan Hammer’s immaculate soundtrack. Watch the promo video below!

It’s the most ambitious special effects presentation ever designed. Unbelievable explosions. Outrageous pyrotechnics. With over 50 high-tech special effects and stunts in a breakneck-paced 15 minutes, no-one’s ever pulled a stunt like this before! – From “Universal Studios Hollywood Guide”, 1991

Audience members would watch two undercover cops raid a drug lord’s compound while using boats, jet skis, guns, explosions, and even a run-away mine cart. Shown day or night, the show’s finale involved a helicopter on a giant arm that emerged from behind a building, as seen in the photo below.


After Miami Vice (the TV show) was cancelled in 1990, the stunt spectacular managed to survive until early 1995. It eventually became the Waterworld Stunt Show, which if you can believe, is still operating today! With the stunt work of both shows being very similar, I think I speak for everyone in saying that the Miami Vice Action Spectacular needs to come back. Unless I missed something and people are more nostalgic for Kevin Costner’s Waterworld movie?

TNUC has all the respect in the world for stunt performers who do this stuff day in/day out, year after year. What these two actors are able to do physically in 15 minutes in front of a live audience is pretty remarkable. Watch more of the nail-biting performance in this clip.

ONE LAST RUN.

If you want the ultimate, you’ve got to be willing to pay the ultimate price. That’s what Uncle T tells himself before he does a 10am shot of vodka and drops in from a helicopter onto Squaw Valley’s steepest mountain just to avoid lines, chairlifts, ski passes and whiny children.

Anyone who enjoys shredding down the mountain needs to experience a helicopter drop-in, or what locals call a “chop-drop”. What inspired TNUC to finally take the plunge was this video from a 1983 ski video that shook me to my core and launched my adrenaline over the edge. Please watch.

This one goes out to all the veteran ‘doggers still seeking the ultimate ride. The peak…The dream…The ultimate test. 

Oh, and the song used in the video is Rik Fox’s band SIN that formed after he was dropped from an early version of W.A.S.P.

HUNGRY FOR LOVE MIX.

A ravenous appetite for L.O.V.E. comes this Valentine’s Day with our brand new mixtape.

There were two phrases I remember hearing repeatedly during winter of ’87 while cruising in my Buick Grand National. Those phrases were “in the heat of the night” and “HUNGRY FOR LOVE”. The latter phrase could be heard at nauseum every weekend at one of our infamous backyard parties, while horny valley girls bum-rushed the outdoor stage whereupon the latest band with the latest long-haired, blonde-mullet singer of the week performed Van Halen covers over a crappy PA system. In between covers, I swear every one of those bands had a song called “Hungry For Love” or a song that featured those words in the chorus. Of course, between the quaalude and halcyon intake, that’s the limit of Uncle T’s memory.

In an attempt to piece the memories together, TNUC’s ‘HUNGRY FOR LOVE’ mixtape is here. A carefully curated mix of peak performance, maximum horny levels of excellence. Not only do the words in these songs evoke seductive power, but the RIFFS are testosterone and estrogen-enhancing stimulants that will you find very difficult to contain yourself with.

Plug in. Turn it up. Get hungry.

[download]

SPECIAL SOUND OF BODYBUILDING.

Calling all friends, colleagues, disciples, apostles, messiahs and cybernetic organisms, TNUC is proud to unveil an exceedingly rare body of music that has been buried beneath some unknown barbaric temple for the last 30+ years.

Before continuing, ask yourself this. Have you ever reached a crossroads moment during a physical training regiment that was purely based on your music choice? An important decision of whether or not to continue because your soundtrack à la pump just wasn’t getting the job done. What Uncle T has discovered through extensive research is that 96.4% of human beings are indecisive with their music selections for working out, training and personal montage moments. Why is this? Because people grow bored of the same playlists, albums and soundtracks…even subconsciously. It’s science. There’s only a matter of time before the medicine is no longer effective. You seek more. You hunger for something different.

This week our compadres Big Mike Colonia & Gianni La Bamba delivered a mysterious bodybuilding tape from Germany with a date stamp of 1989 titled “Special Sound Of Bodybuilding”. The tape contains two 30-minute sides of ambient synth magic that is both powerful and hypnotizing. This is not your average workout tape. Get ready for the final secret ingredient to reach your personal maximum potential.

Take these words of wisdom from Big Mike Colonia:

“When the tape arrived at Big Mike HQ, I immediately took it to my private muscle temple and threw it into the tape player, volume cranked to maxxximum. The back and chest workout that followed was not of this earth. The anabolic synths flowing into my ears instantly infected my few synapses, bloodstream and above all MUSCLES with insane focus and power, and I surely trained with at least 20% more intensity from the get-go.”

Whether it’s at the gym, at home, on a mountaintop or inside an abandoned factory, this is the anabolic-audio-antidote-enhancement that you will no longer be able to live without.

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