THE CARETAKER.

cobwebs

cobwebs

Before we open up the creaky gates to Camp TNUC and embrace everything this wonderful time of year has to offer, a certain new discovery – usually in the form of music – needs to infiltrate the young minds of all you disciples and also crusty old Uncle T. In the past this pre-October hors d’oeuvre has ranged from synth heavy spookiness to Monster Cereals showing up at the grocery store prematurely in the season.

It just so happens that today, on the first day of Fall, the hauntingly soothing sounds of an artist called The Caretaker are here.

Come along and join us in the reception hall for cocktail hour…

Frightened yet? Well, it doesn’t stop there. This album is the first in a series of Six albums by The Caretaker to be released over the next 3 years “slowly cataloguing the stages of early onset dementia.” As Boomkat further explains, “Each album will reveal new points of progression, loss and disintegration, progressively falling further and further towards the abyss of complete memory loss and nothingness…”

As you can tell, this music is a delicious refreshing sip of punch from what you’ve come to expect to find around here. This is a good thing. 

Once the cobwebs settle, the limited vinyl edition is available through Boomkat and digital album on Bandcamp.

peaceful_autumn_by_mylifethroughthelens-d8et18c

The next time I see YOU will be down the dusty path to CAMP TNUC!

WINNERS TAKE IT ALL.

school-daze-5

Detention is up! The submissions in last week’s “SCHOOL DAZE” contest are here…

school-daze-1

‘SPELLING BEE SAVAGE’ by Skylar Norheim of Ontario, CA.

school-daze-2

‘ENGLISH 1’ by Melissa Warlock of Worcester, MA.

school-daze-3

‘FOREVER TRUE’ by Melissa Warlock of Worcester, MA.

school-daze-4

‘MANIMAL INSTINCT’ by Jake Perry of Los Angeles, CA.

school-daze-5

‘RAD TO THE BONE’ by Finlay Sutton of London, GB.

school-daze-7

‘HALL MONITOR FROM HELL’ by Corey Hoover of Los Angeles, CA.

school-daze-8

‘MR. REMUS DETENTION SESH (18 & Life)’ by Dan Gray of Chicago, IL.

school-daze-6

‘FOREIGN EXCHANGE STUDENT: GIORGIO MANIMAL’ by Patrick Fernandez of Madrid, ES.

Δ     Δ     Δ

***Huge thank you to everyone who entered the contest! You have no idea how much this all means to the Land of TNUC. The top (3) winners will receive an email shortly about their jackpot winnings!***

SCHOOL DAZE.

tumblr_lmn07qfrni1qf80b2o1_1280

tumblr_lmn07qfrni1qf80b2o1_1280
Whispering the words “back to school” during this time of year is the sort of thing that’ll promise a beating worse than when that rumor went around about you wearing dinosaur pajamas.

For those of you about to drag out those Trapper Keepers and lunchbox/thermos sets, Uncle T is here to ease some of your suffering by offering up a art project submission that he calls the “SCHOOL DAZE” contest!

SCHOOL DAZE CONTEST: REMEMBER YOUR OLD NOTEBOOK FROM HIGH SCHOOL? YOU KNOW, THE ONE WITH THE BAND LOGOS ALL OVER IT? DEATH THREATS TO THE PRINCIPAL? LETTERS TO R.L. STINE? DEF LEPPARD LYRICS? GRIM REAPER DOODLES? I ♥ WANDA? THAT’S THE ONE.

DIG YOURS OUT AND USING A PENCIL, DRAW YOUR VERSION OF TNUC’S “MANIMAL” IN HIS MOST TEENAGE-ANGSTY, MISCHIEVOUS, NASTY ATTITUDE HIGH SCHOOL FORM. YOU NEED NOT BE AN “ARTIST” BECAUSE THAT NEVER MATTERED WHEN YOU WERE FIFTEEN AND IT CERTAINLY DOESN’T MATTER NOW. ALL WE ASK IS THAT YOU KEEP IT TRUE TO HIGH SCHOOL/MIDDLE SCHOOL/ELEMENTARY SCHOOL DOODLES AND SKETCHES. ALSO BE SURE TO INCLUDE A TNUC LOGO SOMEWHERE. SO USE YOUR CHILDISH IMAGINATION AND DON’T THINK ABOUT IT TOO HARD! THE TOP (3) SUBMISSIONS WILL RECEIVE A TNUC GRAB-BAG OF TNUC STUFF (“Manimal” t-shirt, stickers, VHS tape + more!)
*Submit artwork by 9/15/2016 to uncletnuc@gmail.com*

♦    ♦    ♦     ♦    ♦    ♦    ♦    ♦    ♦    ♦

On a side note, raise your hands if the most exciting thing in school was leaving class for the SCHOLASTIC BOOK FAIR. Fuck yes.

scholastic book fair oct 2010 001

For many of us delinquents the school book fair was a little slice of paradise smack in the middle of a day of discipline, awkwardness and mystery-meat hot lunch. An escape from the dullness of a classroom into a world of new discoveries from the likes of R.L. Stine, Matt Christopher, Sweet Valley Twins, Christopher Pike, Full House TV scrapbooks, Mr. Sketch colored marker sets and Lisa Frank stickers. Book fairs allowed kids to discover what actually interested us instead of what teachers made us read. For many of us, this especially meant new GOOSEBUMPS.

The slime-green Goosebumps bookshelf display at the book fair was all the rage if you grew up around the same time as dear old Uncle T. The classic R.L. Stine collection really struck at the right time and place in 1992, providing just enough scares to keep youngster’s imaginations going berserk and parent’s wallets emptying. If that drippy, bumpy lettering and incredible artwork by Tim Jacobus didn’t pull you in like a tractor beam, you needed a pulse check.

“READER BEWARE, YOU’RE IN FOR A SCARE”

tumblr_static_filename_640_v2

*Get those High School “Manimal” submissions to uncletnuc@gmail.com by Thursday, September 15th!*

school sucks

AUGUST’S LOCAL HOT SPOT OF THE MONTH: THE STRIP CLUBS OF ‘GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS’.

Motley-Crue-Girls-Girls-Girls-video-screen-shot-1

IMG_7362

To this day I can’t drive by a “gentlemen’s club” and not think of the undisputed, undefeated heavyweight champion of strip club anthems. If those familiar neon lights, or curvy writing spelling out sultry sayings immediately don’t make you start humming Mötley Crüe’s ‘Girls Girls Girls’, we simply grew up with different interests.

For a young, aspiring Manimal like Uncle TNUC, the band’s portrayal of an exotic dancing nightspot was somewhere I definitely wanted to be. Smokey, dimly lit clubs with ladies thrusting around to chugging guitars. No windows. A dangerous scent mixture of menthol, Kmart perfume and sweat. Leather! Lace! Long Butts!

The music video depicts that ideal atmosphere and what you really want when you step inside one of these places: women and good tunes. Simple as that. Absolutely NOT a bunch of lonely men being hustled while some atrocious R&B music plays over the PA. So if the last time you entered a strip joint wasn’t everything you dreamed it would be — forgetting the part when you learned that the 6’5″ Samoan dancer with the buff thighs named Maurice was actually a man — it’s time you revisited the undeniable ruler of stripper war cries and our Local-Hot-Spot-Of-The-Month for August, Mötley Crüe’s ‘Girls, Girls, Girls’!

The first time TNUC rode down Sunset Blvd in a stretch convertible limo with a built-in Jacuzzi, our plan was to hit the three Los Angeles based booby traps Vince Neil references in the song’s lyrics – The Body Shop, Seventh Veil and The Tropicana. Following our visit to these notorious Southern Californian clam shacks, we wondered what was happening with the remaining four clubs he mentions in the song… 

dollhouse1) Thee Dollhouse | Ft. Lauderdale, FL 

Everyone knows the state of Florida is the MECCA of sultry establishments. From Daytona Beach to Miami, the warm climate and popular spring break destination has generated a record number of businesses offering dreamy desires and midnight heat. Thee Dollhouse was one of the most frequented chains in the sunshine state, operating in both Tampa and Orlando. Currently the Tampa location is open and also a club in Myrtle Beach.

tattle2) Tattletale | Atlanta, GA

Don’t let the subtle daytime appearance of Atlanta’s Tattletale Lounge fool you, this place has the word sleazy smeared all up inside it (among other things). Word on the street is that every night at midnight the ladies all do a dance to ‘Girls, Girls, Girls’ and give you a t-shirt if you purchase two lap dances. Tattletale have been riding the publicity of their club being mentioned in the hit song for almost three decades, and they probably don’t plan on stopping anytime soon.

Motley-Crue-Girls-Girls-Girls-video-screen-shot-13) The Seventh Veil | Hollywood, CA

Truly an infamous adult entertainment landmark of America, The Seventh Veil is the steamiest club on this list due to the actual music video being filmed there. If you’re planning on visiting LA and embarking on a rock n’ roll debauchery tour, this place should be high up on the list. It’s prime location on Sunset Blvd and 24/hr blinking neon lights are very hard to miss, even if you’re flying down the street on a Harley Davidson, nonstop shade tippin’ and eyebrow raisin’.

557775-000_par15867814) Crazy Horse | Paris, FR 

Crazy Horse is a nude cabaret show in Paris which doesn’t share many of the deadbeat qualities of the other clubs on this list. The legendary French club has been around since the 1950’s and features nude dancing, magic, mimes and even juggling acts (think Rusty Griswold meeting his exotic dancer girlfriend in European Vacation).

nashville-area-strip-club-turned-to-church5) Body Shop | West Hollywood, CA

As prolific historian/seasoned FBI agent Angelo Pappas would say, “LA has changed a lot…the air got dirty and the sex got clean”. Stiff California laws prohibit The Body Shop from selling alcohol because the girls here dance full nude. It’s a real kick to the crotch, but as long as you have a driver sitting idle outside the club with a trunk full of Löwenbräu and ‘ludes, frequent trips outside will be necessary for a red-hot evening. Located directly on the Sunset Strip in West Hollywood and still very much in operation (even after the place burned down a few years ago).

large6) Marble Arch | Vancouver, BC

For some reason I always figured Marble Arch was a cocaine reference, but it’s actually a once-functioning stripper haven in Canada. Whenever the Crüe’s touring cycle had them playing in Vancouver, the boys were sure to stop by this seedy establishment to engage in full frontal nastiness and all the “Krell” they could enjoy. [No photo of Marble Arch available].

STRIPES, John Candy, 1981

7) The Hollywood Tropicana | Los Angeles, CA

You’re out at the bar again with some friends. A lame sports event plays on the TV monitors that no one’s paying attention to. After drinking a few of the same old domestic drafts while a cheese-dick music selection plays in the background, you consider calling it a night.

WORST TNUC TALE, I KNOW (sorry). Now close your eyes and imagine your body drifting to a land where the mud and oil flows like honey over hardbodied foxes who duel it out in a wrestling ring. For roughly 10 years that dream was a reality at The Hollywood Tropicana. For those seeking an outrageous evening and something a little different from the norm, this local landmark was the place to be.

Of course the Crüe were regulars, most notably Vince Neil who met mud wrestler Sharise and ended up marrying her in 1987. They split up in ’93. For a complete history of The Tropicana, definitely check out TNUC’s ‘Mud Wrestling Madness’ feature from 2015 at this location!

shariseKnight and shining armor Vince Neil carrying his bride-to-be out of the Seventh Veil in the music video. 

WET-HOT-TNUC-SUMMER, PART 4.

knockout

knockout

Welcome to another edition of WET-HOT-TNUC-SUMMER, when your pizza-loving, neanderthal of an Uncle chooses his current favorite anthems of the summer. As he reclines back in his ripped-sleeve wetsuit by Body Glove, reminiscing about all the local-long-butt inspecting he got done this summer, these are the songs that echo in his mind.

#1 Sunglasses Kid – Knockout feat. Phaserland
secret-admirer

Here’s a certified breakout-of-summer-school war cry. When you’re cooped up all day watching the sweat pour off Vice Principal Gills’ neck, you need a release like no other once that buzzer rings. THIS IS IT. You arrive home, call Debbie, yell up to mom to fire up the station wagon and get ready for a jam-packed night of arcade games, mini golf, pool hopping, showing her your motorcycle that really isn’t yours and making out in the backyard treehouse under the stars. Get it here.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

#2 The Payola$ – Eyes of a Stranger
best looking people on earth

I could have SWORN this song was used in the movie Cocktail, so last week when it played on the deck of TNUC’s 8th Annual “Boob Cruise” I quickly hopped out of the pool and ran stark naked to my luxury, wood paneled, Manimal Dungeon suite. Snacking on red rope licorice and quaaludes, I watched my VHS of Cocktail repeatedly until dawn. Well, it must have been a case of too much sun and day-dreaming about Elisabeth Shue, because “Eyes of a Stranger” is NOT from the Cocktail soundtrack! The song was actually featured in both Valley Girl and an episode of Miami Vice. It’s such a premiere anthem for locking eyes with a bronzed lover on the beach, just like those two pictured above.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

#3 The Midnight – Crockett’s Revenge
the man

We knew The Midnight were prepping something tremendous when their track ‘Vampires’ came across TNUC FM airwaves last month, but I honestly never expected the juicy, emotional, sexually charged debut album that is “Endless Summer”. From beginning to end these songs evoke feelings ranging from taking bikes over the dunes with your friends, to riding the Cyclone with your dream girl at Rocky Point. It was excruciatingly tough to just pick one song – but if I was held at gunpoint by Sonny Crockett while face-to-face with his pet alligator, Elvis – I’d choose “Crockett’s Revenge”. It’s refreshing to hear a band that doesn’t treat their saxophone as a novelty item. The group release a sweltering onslaught of sax which breathes pure power into the songs. Grab the album here! 

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

#4 Anoraak – Figure

Strap on the headphones and get ready to time-travel back to 2008. While that might not sound very appetizing at first, it will as you remember this was the year that Anoraak released the balmy classic “Nightdrive With You”. The single was a massive part of what kicked off the Valerie Collective scene and inspired hundreds of synthwave projects to come. He’s released two albums since that time, but new single “Figure” shows a return to this easy-breezy – yet oddly at the same time, haunting – style of music. Stream the entire EP here. 

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

#5 Tangerine Dream – Charly the Kid (Dream Chimney extended dub)
stranger-things-smaller_wide-99c8faf29a458cf6e5be0fd505a4ebdf8bc337ef-s900-c85

With what feels like the entire universe riding a Steven Spielberg/Stephen King dreamwave with the television sensation Stranger Things being just pure fucking magic, this extended dub edit of Tangerine Dream’s “Charly the Kid” from King’s movie Firestarter is all too fitting right now. The stretched out, psychedelic take on Tangerine Dream’s original track morphs it into an entirely new journey. With all due respect to S U R V I V E – the group who did a fantastic job scoring the show – I’m holding out hope that the creators welcome some older music for season 2. Not only would music like this fit effortlessly, but it should inspire a new generation of kids to discover films with strong scores like The Keep, Thief, Night Hawks, Inferno, Cat People, StarmanSilver Bullet and so many others.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

#6 Michael Schenker Group – Anytime

Since summer crushes and innocent fun have been covered, now we’re due for a heavy weeper. Don’t fret though, this beefy ballad packs 10cc’s of white-hot glory. “Anytime” is dedicated to all the lonely, middle-aged buff pumpers roaming the night in their Buick Grand Nationals and Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme’s, taking 30 second drags of Winston’s, all windows down, work boots still on, sandy mullets blowing in the breeze…maybe contemplating “patching it up” with the old lady.

I long for the days when atmosphere was such a ruthless force in hard rock/heavy metal songs. The guitar at the beginning conjures up chilly, summer evening breezes that tell us Autumn is about to rear it’s mighty head…

ruthless

%d bloggers like this: