SUMMER COMMERCIAL BREAK PART 1: Slip ‘N Slide!

With last month’s riveting release of Camp TNUC’s Summer Camp Mixtape, let’s keep the party going with the best summertime toy to ever hit the backyard…SLIP ‘N SLIDE!

First introduced in 1961 by the company Wham-O, “slip ‘n slides” exploded into the mainstream during the late eighties with multiple companies getting in on the fun.

Which slide was your favorite? Watch the following commercials, bask in the memories and let us know!

SUMMER CAMP MIX.

At last…IT’S HERE. After nearly three decades of searching cabins, bunk beds, canoes, showers, the boathouse, mess hall and almost every square inch of our campgrounds, we finally unearthed the original, official summer soundtrack from Camp TNUC!

As legend has it, during a naked long-butt waterski competition in ’89 sponsored by Body Glove, the only copy of the cassette tape launched into Lake Waramaug, sinking into the abyss of its contaminated waters and never to be seen again.

Uncle T hired divers who spent months searching for the sacred tape. The heartbroken head counselor shelled out his complete savings and eventually became so stir crazy he had the entire lake drained with still no sign of the tape. Authorities and townsfolk chased him out of the area and he fled to Mexico.

Fast forward to Summer 2018 and a news story broke out that the deceased body of Camp TNUC’s old pervert janitor ‘Sludge’ had turned up in a rural wooded area. When authorities picked through the dilapidated shed he was living inside, one of the items that turned up was a moss covered, muck infested cassette tape with a barely legible engraving of “Camp TNUC’s Summer Camp Mix”.

As to how this deformed weirdo we fired 30 years ago ended up with the tape? Your guess is as good as mine. Uncle T is just overjoyed and relieved that our prized possession finally came home. After some negotiating with the local police, we retrieved the tape and cleaned it up.

Now fill up that super soaker, grab a cold beer or Capri Sun from the fridge, press play and
GET SET TO GET WET!

Special thanks to my good friends Chad Allegro, Misty and Wheeler who without them this mix wouldn’t have been possible!

Free d/l

HULK GOES TO CAMP.

Get ready to have your hearts warmed. This is seriously great.

In 1985, at the height of Hulkamania, the platinum blonde hot dog-colored skin warrior made an appearance at Timber Lake Camp in Shandaken, New York much to the surprise of an audience of youngsters.

Needless to say, the kids go completely apeshit when Hulk arrives. You have to remember just how massive Hulk Hogan was at this point. Seeing an iconic, larger than life wrestler like the Hulkster pull up in a van to your little summer camp would make any 9 year old lose their mind. Hell, I’m getting chills just watching video footage over 30 years later.

I loathe when people bring up Hulk Hogan these days and the immediate response is something negative or sarcastic. For everything he’s done for the world of wrestling and kids around the world, we owe this American hero a debt of gratitude.

“To all my little Hulkamaniacs, say your prayers, take your vitamins and you will never go wrong.”

CORPORATE REPORT.

What could possibly be worse than working in the office all summer?

Board meetings, deadlines, presentations, cubicles, suits, slacks, elevators, admins, bosses, coffee mugs, fake plants, briefcases, fax machines, floppy disks, software updates, argyle socks…even Hawaiian shirt friday. It’s ALL bad for the human spirit.

Your breaking point comes in mid-July when during your 95° morning commute a convertible carload of happy-go-lucky teenagers heading to the beach passes you on the left, hooting and hollering while Kim Wilde’s ‘Kids in America’ blasts out of their stereo. There you sit inching down the freeway in your metal coffin (’87 Ford Corolla), sweating to death in that monkey suit and nursing a crappy cup of coffee.

Don’t let the stress and mundaneness of working for “the man” lead to disastrous habits like workplace violence or a vicious cocaine addiction. We might have the cure right here…right now.

Andy Fink’s CORPORATE REPORT mixes are here to save our poor souls. Instead of being a pure musical escape that wouldn’t be practical due to a lack of focus, think of these mixtapes as more of a tool to help motivate, push, inspire and reach your maximum potential.

ROCK N’ ROLL SHOWER.

You look like you need to get wet!

How’s about a sopping wet anthem for your Saturday night, exclusively chosen by Uncle T?

WHAT A RIPPER. I listened to this song so many times this weekend that I started dreaming about it. Last night a TNUC lady disciple video vixen visited me in my dreams. Through a thick mist she appeared, asking if I’ll take a ride in her red hot 84′ Wrangler over the dunes of the beach with this song blasting from the stereo. Most importantly though, here’s what she was wearing…

Have mercy.

Enjoy your weekend.

CARNY SEDUCTION.

Not many people know this, but back during the summer of ’87 Uncle TNUC toured the countryside working for one of the sleaziest carnivals on the market. He spent three months building amusement rides (shirtless) and trying to impress small town local babes (fully oiled up). Being on the road all summer as a rough-hewn, muscle-bound carnival worker might not sound all that glamorous but the job did have its perks. Every so often a bored, rich and lonely debutante would wander through the carnival and Uncle T was more than happy to lend a helping hand in the “desires department”. It’s a dirty job but someone’s gotta’ do it.

The once in a lifetime job ended abruptly when a lawsuit brought the carnival down, claiming that our cotton candy machines were lined with cocaine residue and some fat kid got squeezed to death on the tilt-a-whirl.

Anyone who’s seen TWO MOON JUNCTION can imagine that when the film came out in 1988, naturally Uncle T thought someone bad based the plot on his life. This angered him for a short while until he heard who was starring in the movie. The female and male roles were played by Sherilyn Fenn (The Wraith, Twin Peaks) and one of our favorite crude dudes roaming the free earth, Richard Tyson (‘Crisp’ from Kindergarten Cop and ‘Buddy Revel’ from Three O’Clock High)!!!

The film centers around a beautiful “southern belle” named April who’s about to marry one of those preppy, privileged, boring nerds that wears nothing but white clothing and wants to “do right” by his mommy and daddy. However stirring within April is a raging sexual desire that erupts when she strolls into the carnival one afternoon and locks eyes with one seductive-ass carny.

ENTER PERRY. Perry is a traveling nomad that has it all. The looks, the attitude, the hair, the jeans, the no underpants, the motorcycle, the dog, the big rig…you name it. April is apprehensive when she meets Perry because of his wild lifestyle but it doesn’t take long for her to fall victim to his insatiable carny-lust. The two embark on a journey of steamy desire for the ages.

Instead of continuing with a play by play synopsis of the film, let’s shine a spotlight on some of our favorite things about Two Moon Junction in true TNUC fashion…

#1 THE PASSION!

Two Moon Junction is rich with sex scenes. Not just sex scenes, but montages of gripping passion and animal attraction that feature both female and male nudity. It was no surprise to find out that Zalman King directed the movie, who is most famous for directing the long-running television series Red Shoe Diaries. If you’re of similar age as I am, Red Shoe Diaries was a pivotal boner program of our youth, to put it bluntly.

Two Moon Junction features some visually bizarre scenes and dialogue that doesn’t really gel with what’s actually happening on screen. That’s not necessarily a bad thing for a movie of this nature and actually makes sense when you find out it’s the same director as Red Shoe Diaries.

#2 CARNY SYLES!

This movie is sometimes like peering straight into Uncle T’s closet and Perry is a chip off the old block. The open trench-coat with no shirt underneath look is classic late-evening carny sleaze. Dusty trench-coats are magnets for ladies who like to roam the carnival looking for hot action.


Perry dresses in an effortless manner similar to Bodhi from Point Break or Casey Jones from TMNT: The Movie. It’s a savage nomad approach that meets at the crossroads of filthy and cultured. Take for example the above scene where he’s playing pool at a local billiard bar, distracted by the two girls on the dance floor. In this example he’s looking almost scholarly in his circular eyeglasses and white shirt buttoned to the neck.

#3 AWESOME FREAKS!

This is a bizarre movie and it’s cast of characters are a pure reflection of that. Throughout the film we’re introduced to a colorful array of freaks, geeks and weirdos. The above scene involves a high-stakes poker game with the carnival’s freakshow group. The story gets a little bleak here but apparently the little guy is a greedy bastard who Perry is not happy with. Yes, that actor is Hervé Villechaize, the famous dwarf who played ‘Tattoo’ on the television series Fantasy Island!

Let’s not dismiss a few great boneheads from the movie as well. The guy on the right who looks like a fat Paul Stanley I know i’ve seen somewhere! If anyone recognizes him, please speak up.

#4 GRIM REAPER T-SHIRT!

When this showed up on screen I spilled my ice cold ZIMA and sent a bowl of Keebler Magic Middles launching across the living room. Grim Reaper are one of my favorite heavy metal bands and songs like like ‘Rock Me Till I Die’, ‘Night of the Vampire’, ‘Rock You to Hell’ and ‘Lust for Freedom’ are mainstays of the TNUC playlist. Then it got me thinking…why am I making a mental connection between Grim Reaper and carnivals?…

Because Grim Reaper are probably the #1 band to show up on those carnival mirror prizes! What the hell are carnival mirror prizes? Those square pieces of mirrored glass containing images of album covers, cartoon characters or beer companies. Grim Reaper weren’t a very successful band and never had a hit, but for whatever reason they CONSTANTLY show up on carnival mirror prizes. Go ahead, do an eBay search right now!

#5 CARNIVAL MOVIE TYPECASTING!

Allow me to explain. One of April’s friends in the film is the girl in the middle, played by actress Kerry Remsen. When she appeared in the movie, I immediately recognized her as ‘Nicole’ from the horror creature feature, Ghoulies 2.

Both Two Moon Junction and Ghoulies 2 were released in 1988. Both movies take place at carnivals. This actress just happened to star in two bizarro films in the same year taking place at carnivals? Or was she typecast into roles revolving around amusement parks and weirdos? Ponder on that one.

♥   ♥   ♥

***Thanks for reading TNUC’s thoughts on this tantalizing tale of carnival seduction. We strongly urge you to seek out the film and give it a proper 2:00 am viewing. It’s best to watch these types of movies in the middle of the night.***

Uncontrollable passion. Undeniable heat.

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