SUN POWER.

Even during a sweltering summer in the excruciating heat, at Camp TNUC we never take the sun for granted.

First and foremost, it brings out all the long butts in town. The sun is a sizzling magnet for long-butts of all lengths, girths and colors of the wind. At any given afternoon on the shores of Lake TNUC, diverse long-butts can be inspected as far as the eye can see. It’s been happening since our ancestors roamed this great land.

*BREAKING NEWS* The forgotten midwest band Shooting Star will be making a special appearance tomorrow night at the TNUC WEENIE ROAST by Cabin #9 for a special concert! They are scheduled to perform their long-lost summer camp hit, ‘Summer Sun’!

If you can’t make it, Camp TNUC sends our deepest sympathies, but we’ve provided the following video link for you to enjoy with a frosty drink in hand. Crank it up and listen to those keys! 

 

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

Ah…smell that? The sweet aroma of the ocean, fried dough and corndogs…all mixed with a whiff of blood. We must be back in Santa Carla!

It’s really just me longing for those hot summer nights on the boardwalk. Chasing girls, free concerts, concession food, random burning barrels, games, airbrushed shirts, cheap piercings, getting frisky under the lifeguard tower, volleyball, dirtbikes on the beach.

But the best part? The sense of danger that reverberated in the air. It’s hard to explain unless you were there to live it, but you could feel it in your veins, and it was a goddamn thrill. The boardwalk had no rules. The only authority figures were a couple of portly security guards that my grandmother could probably outrun with her walker.

But as most of you know, as the midnight hour approached, the boardwalk took on a second life. That hint of danger became downright menacing. Kids started to vanish. First it was just the runaways and street rats, then it became just about anyone who let their guard down.

Uncle T found these long-lost ‘MISSING’ flyers preserved in an old treasure chest in Grandmother TNUC’s basement, so I decided to plaster the remaining copies at a few nearby beach towns.

Download all flyers here (PDF)

A song began to echo in my brain and no, it actually wasn’t anything off The Lost Boys soundtrack. It’s a song called “Where Are They Now” from the AOR band Strangeways. The album is heralded by many as one the great AOR records of all time. Turn this way up, disciples…

Listen to the song as you browse the flyers of the missing boys. If it doesn’t evoke chills and emotions, seek medical attention. The songs on Strangeways’ 1989 album “Walk In The Fire” sound like tunes from an amazing soundtrack to a movie that was lost and never saw the light of day. It’s that go-for-the-glory, slow motion montage, making out at the top of the ferris wheel music.

As indicated on the album’s artwork, this is the musical equivalent to the sun setting on a dusty desert highway while you roam the badlands in your DeTomaso Pantera.

Goddamn, I seriously love this shit so much. Crank this album all summer long with a woman to cherish the night with. Listen on Spotify or however you do it on your computers, then smarten up and buy a physical copy of this album where records are sold.

ASSIGNMENT TIME!

First, download all the ‘MISSING’ Lost Boys flyers here! Your summer assignment from Counselor TNUC is to print these things and plaster them wherever you please, then tag @UncleTNUC or #MissingLostBoys on the social stuff and you might win something juicy!

WET-HOT-TNUC-SUMMER, PART 5.

It’s been a while since a new batch of HOT-WET-TNUC-SUMMER songs showed up around here, but don’t think for a minute that it had something to do with a lack of ruthless tunes each summer. The reason for the absence was because Uncle T has been locked in summer school the past couple years after setting the high school record for cherry bombs going off in the toilets.

So it appears that we’re long overdue to get wet! Here’s a personal list of sweaty scorchers perfect for any occasion…Ripping down the slip ‘n slide into kiddie pool full of sudsy beer? Check. The head lifeguard asking you to spread lotion on her back while all the preppies from class stare at you in a jealous rage? Double check. Rope swinging into the lake while wearing your new neanderthal loin cloth? Triple check.

#1 Joseph Williams – Turn It Up

Hot nights at summer camp start with songs just like this. Whether it’s peeping around the girls’ outdoor shower area, sending Counselor Donahue’s underpants up the flagpole or sneaking out of your cabin window at midnight to meet up with your camp crush, this smooth number from the soundtrack to 1986’s Space Camp should do just fine. ***This song also appeared on our Summer Camp Mixtape from 2018!***

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#2 Alice Cooper – Hard Rock Summer

Who in their right mind could say no to a song that reminds us of Jason Voorhees and hot blondes in hot camaros, sung by Alice Cooper of all people?! This one is a total no-brainer, easiest pick of the litter and comes from the soundtrack to Friday the 13th Part 6: Jason Lives. Crank it up and drink a beer.

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#3 Priya Panda – Shook U Off

When I heard that firecracker Priya Panda from the rock band Diemonds was doing a solo thing, I was intrigued but didn’t know what direction she would be going in. Her first single “Take Me Back” was a sultry atmospheric ballad that I really dug and featured a little sprinkling of guitar from Brent Woods of Wildside and Sebastian Bach’s solo band. On “Shook U Off” Priya channels Sheila E, Stevie B and VANITY, yet at the same time creates a sound that is uniquely her own and stands out from the pack. The hook is pure summer and ice cream. Watch the music video.

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#4 Bob Seger – Miami

My friends and I concluded a long time ago that there are 3 chapters of Bob Seger’s music. #1 “Classic Seger”. This is the blue-collar, working man, hauling ass in a Bronco music that contains his most timeless and classic material. #2 “The dads-and-uncles-dancing-at-a-wedding Seger”, and finally #3 COCAINE SEGER. “Cocaine Seger” is a distinct selection of his more polished and glimmery-production based songs that make you think of big Cadillacs, silver platters, $1400 silk suits, cuff links, yachts, aviator sunglasses and mountains of organic cocaine. “Shakedown” from the Beverly Hills Cop II soundtrack and “Miami” from the 1986 album Like A Rock are the quintessential two songs from this chapter of the Bob Seger legacy. 

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#5 KISS – Dirty Livin’ (Mexican 12″ extended version)

My favorite era of KISS was the street tough, city rat, leather, denim and makeup days. Leave it to the drummer of the band (Peter Criss) to create this absolute staple of boogie rock with “Dirty Livin”. If I was around in 1978, I would have completely cared less about the whole “KISS went disco and the fans were divided” thing with the Dynasty album. This song slaps and that’s all that matters. Drop me inside of a roller-disco under the flashing lights when this song comes on and Uncle T will be doing things on rollerskates that he or anyone else wouldn’t have thought was possible and probably should be illegal in at least 49 states.

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#6 Donny Benét – Second Dinner

Australian pop hero Donny Benét released what is easily going to be one of the best albums of 2020 with Mr. Experience. People ask me if this guy is serious and the answer is YES Donny is the real deal. One of my favorite tracks from the record is “Second Dinner” which just so happens to be the #1 requested song during our mess hall dinners (and subsequent food fights) at Camp TNUC this season. Watch the brilliant music video to find out why.

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#7 Winger – All I Ever Wanted

I have this recurring dream that I’m stranded on a beautiful tropical island, alone, horny, with absolutely no woman in sight. Months pass which feel like years and just when I think about launching myself off a rock to end my misery, the reverberating sounds of a ’88 Jeep CJ with the top ripped off comes bursting through the jungle and onto the beach. At first glimpse I think it’s a mirage and I must be losing my mind from dehydration or eating poisonous mangoes.

But she appears. It’s Lady TNUC in her buzz-sawed scuba shorts, B.U.M. equipment crop top, banana yellow visor, ruby red lips and freshly tanned skin from the island sun. The stereo in the Jeep is blaring this studio version of “All I Ever Wanted” by Winger, a song that was previously a b-side from the In The Heart of the Young era.

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Thanks for reading…now keep cranking and don’t be late for Beefaroni Popsicles tonight in the mess hall!

FRACTURED MIRROR.

From YouTube user “El Gato”…

I have a great story with this song (‘Fractured Mirror’ from Ace Frehley’s 1978 solo album). One cool day in South Florida in 1978 during Christmas, me and a bunch of friends were playing and riding our BMX bikes and within our group there was one kid from another neighborhood I told them all that my mother was on her way home from work and that she was going to bring me the brand new album from Ace Frehley, so we all hauled ass to my house including this unknown kid that was riding bikes with us when we all got to my house my mother had the album in her hand we all went inside my house and started listening to this album when this song came on we were all mezmorized and that unknown kid said we will all be friends and he will never forget this song, this is where the story really gets interesting. many moons later I become a police officer and one night during Patrol I arrested this one man who is roughly my same age but looked really rough, I arrested him for heroin possession . That man, told me ” officer I recognize you from somewhere but I can’t place it, because for about 10 years I have been a mess” when I put him inside my patrol car I started to do the report and while I’m doing the report I turn on my phone and play my MP3 songs I had on my phone into the stereo of the patrol car, when this song came on the guy sitting in the back of my patrol car told me that he remembers this song very vividly and I said “oh really, from where” he then proceeded to tell me the story that one time he went to a kid’s house that his mother was bringing him the album of Ace Frehley and that he came along with the rest of the group over that kids house and that he would never forget this song and that magical moments we had back in 1978, by then I had tears in my eyes, and I froze I then told him I was the kid that his mother was bringing the album home. He broke down and started to cry and told and told me that for the past 10 years he was an addict and that he wanted to change I told him that I would help him and that I will give him a surprise when he gets better well a couple of years went and one day I proceeded to find the guy and I let him know to meet me at such-and-such a day at such-and-such location when he got there with his newlywed wife and his life turned completely around to his surprise he saw me and the original group of a friends and then again I pulled out the Same album my mother bought me a 1978 and we replayed the album. And all he said was that this song changed his life . all I can say is because of this song playing in my patrol car I was able to spark up a guy’s memory of a better time gone by and he was helped because this song made him realize that he needed to change his life around and he thanked me for that one moment in the back of my patrol car and I told him, no bro thank you for changing your life. All I can say is thank you Ace Frehley because sometimes the mirror that someone looks into is fractured.

BIG BALLS.

As I prepare to enter the following sacred scripture in the TNUC Bible, our world sits in the middle of a global pandemic. So what if I told you that for 1 solid hour, you could strap into an action-packed audio beast-feast that would harness the power of every golden-era action movie hero and blow this deadly fucking virus back to the stinky streets where it came from?

If your answer is YES, follow these simple directions:

#1: Watch the trailer.

#2: Read the following passage.

Going hard on the action sauce but holding the misogyny, ‘Big Balls’ is an expertly-arranged flashback to the hugely formative synth scores of golden-era action movies whose shooting budgets usually left 7 figures aside for the lead’s coke habit. If you grew up or watched movies during that era, you surely know exactly what we’re talking about, and if not then the music will definitely induce memories of muscle-bound megastars taking down helicopters with a machete and bumsliding over car bonnets against backdrops of explosions and such. You know the shit, and arguably for many the best part of those movies was their soundtracks, whose stacked and rippling arps, rocket-squeal leads and lush pads matched and properly heightened the on-screen excess in unforgettable and culturally osmotic ways.

The premise for ‘Big Balls’ then, finds Hurley – himself now part of the very highest tier of sound designers for film and television – drawing from a huge knowledge of this pivotal, unprecedented phase in maximalist soundtrack composition (which itself mirrored a wider phase shift from analog to digital studio production) to sure-handedly evoke all the sweat and fake blood of your favourite and most charmingly groan-worthy big Hollywood action hits. Using a panoply of extreme arpeggios, strutting 12bit percussion, sleazy basslines and syn-sax honks, he renders the finest sort of American cheeseboard that ideally highlights the style’s comical but practically avant garde tropes in a narrative-like flow and context bound to jog the imagination and have you acting out barrel rolls over the sofa and making home movies, The Wolfpack style, while under lockdown conditions.

#3: Download the mixtape for FREE here and hold on to your balls.

Artwork by Chrome & Lightening

‘Big Balls’ is the creation of Dean Hurley, a man who just happens to a David Lynch collaborator and sound designer of this show called Twin Peaks you might have heard of. Mr. Hurley has seamlessly combined action movie scores with a focused, close eye on the testosterone-pumping and glossy, synthesized scores from the genre. When taking a step back and hearing this music on its own and blended together, you can’t help but appreciate what Dean, and the original composers did so brilliantly.

As pictured above, ‘Big Balls’ was released in extremely limited quantities (200) in a stunning, Desert Eagle Gold cassette. It sold out faster than John Matrix snapped that guy’s neck on the plane ride to Val Verde. If copies become available at a future date, you’ll hear about it here.

‘Big Balls’ isn’t just a power hour for training montages as it also could be used for stealth operations, jungle missions, getting into the bank vault, meditation on a cloud of enlightenment, wrestling with a lover at sundown or cruising the coastline at night. For all you hardcore action junkies, consider ‘Big Balls’ a test of your knowledge. Go ahead and name as many films as you can in the comment section of this article and maybe Uncle TNUC will release the tracklisting!

 

HIGH IN HIGH SCHOOL.

When I hear people talking shit about KISS these days it’s the lamest thing ever. Everyone’s entitled to their own opinions and personal tastes, but don’t be a snarky dingus about four leather-clad monsters that took over the world in 1975 to play rock ‘n roll. GTFO.

I have nothing but love for classic-era KISS which has a lot to do with KISS being my first concert, courtesy of my dad a.k.a. Pops TNUC. It was also the first time I saw a pair of boobs. It might sound cliche, but that experience changed my life.

While recently revisiting old high school movie classics like Fast Times at Ridgemont High, The Stoned Age, Tuff Turf, Rock ‘N Roll High School, Dazed and Confused and Detroit Rock City, I remembered the old story of how KISS invaded a high school in the small town of Cadillac, Michigan in October of 1975…



“In 1973 the Cadillac High School Vikings football team finished undefeated with a perfect 9-0 record. Spirits were soaring as the 1974 season began, but the Vikings lost the first two games of the season. We coaches knew that the team was talented, but we also knew that the pressure of living up to the accomplishments of the previous year were causing the team to play below their abilities. We were looking for something to lighten the atmosphere and playing Rock and Roll in the locker room before practices and games was suggested. As the resident Rock and Roll expert, head coach Dave Brines gave me the task of picking the music. I chose a new and outrageous band — KISS. They were wild, bold, and loud. Plus, their name invoked an old football credo — Keep It Simple Stupid. It was a match that was meant to be. The 1974 team won its final seven games with KISS as an inspiration. The band heard about what we were doing and instantly adopted the Vikings as their team. Then in October of 1975 the unbelievable happened, KISS came to Cadillac High School and played a homecoming concert in the high school gym. It’s an event that has become a cornerstone of KISStory and a legendary event in Rock and Roll!”
– Jim Neff, Cadillac High School Vikings Assistant Coach


Unless you were a student at Cadillac HS, one can only imagine the feeling of this teenage fantasy come to life. I used to sit in my high school auditorium during assemblies and and literally dream about my favorite band busting through the room with loud guitars, blood and fog.

KISS not only strutted through the town and school hallways to take photos with students, they put the icing on the cake by rocking a concert in the school gymnasium! The following day the band surprised everyone by landing a helicopter on the football field during the homecoming festivities.

I need a time machine made out of a Delorean right about now.

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