ROCK N’ ROLL SHOWER.

You look like you need to get wet!

How’s about a sopping wet anthem for your Saturday night, exclusively chosen by Uncle T?

WHAT A RIPPER. I listened to this song so many times this weekend that I started dreaming about it. Last night a TNUC lady disciple video vixen visited me in my dreams. Through a thick mist she appeared, asking if I’ll take a ride in her red hot 84′ Wrangler over the dunes of the beach with this song blasting from the stereo. Most importantly though, here’s what she was wearing…

Have mercy.

Enjoy your weekend.

CARNY SEDUCTION.

Not many people know this, but back during the summer of ’87 Uncle TNUC toured the countryside working for one of the sleaziest carnivals on the market. He spent three months building amusement rides (shirtless) and trying to impress small town local babes (fully oiled up). Being on the road all summer as a rough-hewn, muscle-bound carnival worker might not sound all that glamorous but the job did have its perks. Every so often a bored, rich and lonely debutante would wander through the carnival and Uncle T was more than happy to lend a helping hand in the “desires department”. It’s a dirty job but someone’s gotta’ do it.

The once in a lifetime job ended abruptly when a lawsuit brought the carnival down, claiming that our cotton candy machines were lined with cocaine residue and some fat kid got squeezed to death on the tilt-a-whirl.

Anyone who’s seen TWO MOON JUNCTION can imagine that when the film came out in 1988, naturally Uncle T thought someone bad based the plot on his life. This angered him for a short while until he heard who was starring in the movie. The female and male roles were played by Sherilyn Fenn (The Wraith, Twin Peaks) and one of our favorite crude dudes roaming the free earth, Richard Tyson (‘Crisp’ from Kindergarten Cop and ‘Buddy Revel’ from Three O’Clock High)!!!

The film centers around a beautiful “southern belle” named April who’s about to marry one of those preppy, privileged, boring nerds that wears nothing but white clothing and wants to “do right” by his mommy and daddy. However stirring within April is a raging sexual desire that erupts when she strolls into the carnival one afternoon and locks eyes with one seductive-ass carny.

ENTER PERRY. Perry is a traveling nomad that has it all. The looks, the attitude, the hair, the jeans, the no underpants, the motorcycle, the dog, the big rig…you name it. April is apprehensive when she meets Perry because of his wild lifestyle but it doesn’t take long for her to fall victim to his insatiable carny-lust. The two embark on a journey of steamy desire for the ages.

Instead of continuing with a play by play synopsis of the film, let’s shine a spotlight on some of our favorite things about Two Moon Junction in true TNUC fashion…

#1 THE PASSION!

Two Moon Junction is rich with sex scenes. Not just sex scenes, but montages of gripping passion and animal attraction that feature both female and male nudity. It was no surprise to find out that Zalman King directed the movie, who is most famous for directing the long-running television series Red Shoe Diaries. If you’re of similar age as I am, Red Shoe Diaries was a pivotal boner program of our youth, to put it bluntly.

Two Moon Junction features some visually bizarre scenes and dialogue that doesn’t really gel with what’s actually happening on screen. That’s not necessarily a bad thing for a movie of this nature and actually makes sense when you find out it’s the same director as Red Shoe Diaries.

#2 CARNY SYLES!

This movie is sometimes like peering straight into Uncle T’s closet and Perry is a chip off the old block. The open trench-coat with no shirt underneath look is classic late-evening carny sleaze. Dusty trench-coats are magnets for ladies who like to roam the carnival looking for hot action.


Perry dresses in an effortless manner similar to Bodhi from Point Break or Casey Jones from TMNT: The Movie. It’s a savage nomad approach that meets at the crossroads of filthy and cultured. Take for example the above scene where he’s playing pool at a local billiard bar, distracted by the two girls on the dance floor. In this example he’s looking almost scholarly in his circular eyeglasses and white shirt buttoned to the neck.

#3 AWESOME FREAKS!

This is a bizarre movie and it’s cast of characters are a pure reflection of that. Throughout the film we’re introduced to a colorful array of freaks, geeks and weirdos. The above scene involves a high-stakes poker game with the carnival’s freakshow group. The story gets a little bleak here but apparently the little guy is a greedy bastard who Perry is not happy with. Yes, that actor is Hervé Villechaize, the famous dwarf who played ‘Tattoo’ on the television series Fantasy Island!

Let’s not dismiss a few great boneheads from the movie as well. The guy on the right who looks like a fat Paul Stanley I know i’ve seen somewhere! If anyone recognizes him, please speak up.

#4 GRIM REAPER T-SHIRT!

When this showed up on screen I spilled my ice cold ZIMA and sent a bowl of Keebler Magic Middles launching across the living room. Grim Reaper are one of my favorite heavy metal bands and songs like like ‘Rock Me Till I Die’, ‘Night of the Vampire’, ‘Rock You to Hell’ and ‘Lust for Freedom’ are mainstays of the TNUC playlist. Then it got me thinking…why am I making a mental connection between Grim Reaper and carnivals?…

Because Grim Reaper are probably the #1 band to show up on those carnival mirror prizes! What the hell are carnival mirror prizes? Those square pieces of mirrored glass containing images of album covers, cartoon characters or beer companies. Grim Reaper weren’t a very successful band and never had a hit, but for whatever reason they CONSTANTLY show up on carnival mirror prizes. Go ahead, do an eBay search right now!

#5 CARNIVAL MOVIE TYPECASTING!

Allow me to explain. One of April’s friends in the film is the girl in the middle, played by actress Kerry Remsen. When she appeared in the movie, I immediately recognized her as ‘Nicole’ from the horror creature feature, Ghoulies 2.

Both Two Moon Junction and Ghoulies 2 were released in 1988. Both movies take place at carnivals. This actress just happened to star in two bizarro films in the same year taking place at carnivals? Or was she typecast into roles revolving around amusement parks and weirdos? Ponder on that one.

♥   ♥   ♥

***Thanks for reading TNUC’s thoughts on this tantalizing tale of carnival seduction. We strongly urge you to seek out the film and give it a proper 2:00 am viewing. It’s best to watch these types of movies in the middle of the night.***

Uncontrollable passion. Undeniable heat.

BEWARE THE BEAST.

They came back from the grave to rock and rave and misbehave! That’s right, our demonic buds Carpenter Brut are back with a brand new video. Please indulge.

This video has it all. Fast cars, heavy metal barbarians, damsels in distress, hard rock zombies! This is the video TNUC wishes he made. It has more heavy metal power + spirit than most actual heavy metal bands can even pull off these days. Since Carpenter Brut first arrived on the scene, they’ve been tipping their cap to golden era heavy metal bands and in turn have filtered the power of this classic music to pump their dark dance music with something ferocious.

I’m man enough to admit it, I was a little skeptical when it was made clear the group were include so many vocals and a more “live” band approach on their newest album Leather Teeth. My initial thought was why mess with a good thing? Well, this song and now music video blew the roof off the TNUC lair and silenced those feelings. The ‘Brut just keep getting better and better.

Be sure to catch Carpenter Brut on tour when they plow through your fair city.

MAXINE.

It isn’t everyday you get to discover a great song with the simultaneous pairing of an OUTSTANDING music video. It happened this week when a generous TNUC disciple sent me Sharon O’Neill’s heartbreaking hooker ballad ‘Maxine’. I barely can conjure up words to continue. I just need to keep watching this music video. Enjoy…

New Zealand singer-songwriter Sharon O’Neill delivers what should have been the global monster pop ballad sensation of 1983. Sultry beat, sweaty saxophone, heavy subject matter done the best way and an insanely infectious hook.

“Maxine, Case 1352
A red and green tattoo 
Eyes cold steel blue” 

Rarely do song lyrics immediately grab me but it’s hard not to really feel something with this hot number. Pair that with the graphic music video showing prostitute life on the streets and the tragic demise of a troubled teen and Uncle T is completely dialed in.

I love that the story and video feels like a 4 minute Miami Vice episode or one of the show’s many epic montages. If only Crockett and Tubbs would’ve been there to land a swift kick wearing slip-on loafers to one of those vicious thugs’ faces before they got to poor Maxine.

This live video is also highly recommended. Even though nothing will top what she achieved with the music video, Sharon and her band deliver a performance that will make you want to reach for a cigarette and gaze out at the city skyline.

Streetwalkin’ is tough business. I’d like to dedicate this post to any lady TNUC disciples who’ve had to partake in the midnight hustle in order to stay alive.

Sharon O’Neill is now my current dreambabe. She is definitely making TNUC’s Vixen Of The Month countdown real soon.

OLD TOWN BURIAL GROUND.

Is it awkward to think of a cemetery as a dreamy place?

Because that’s exactly what the oldest cemetery on Cape Cod felt like on this sunny afternoon in May.

Uncle T paid a visit to the ancient burial grounds of Sandwich, Massachusetts’ Old Town Cemetery to pay his respects and bask in the salty air, not realizing how gorgeous and serene this spooky stroll would be. The hillside cemetery overlooks Shawmee Pond and reminded me so much of days gone at the sacred grounds of Camp TNUC.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s one of the eeriest cemeteries I’ve had the pleasure of visiting due to the decaying graves dating as far back as 1639. Like so many towns on Cape Cod, this particular cemetery is filled with history. With such a large number of early settlers laid to rest at this location, I’m looking forward to some haunted happenings come this October when we revisit. (Stay tuned)

As a kid, I cherished riding bikes with friends through the local graveyards. Sometimes we’d be inspired to go after watching a good episode of Goosebumps, but most of the time it was just one of those routine routes we loved doing. Empty cemeteries with hilly, winding paths were ideal for racing around on bikes and a great place to get lost/get weird.

Zoom up the hill past the iron gates, under the maple trees, bike tires crunching over the dead leaves on the ground, the smell of fresh overturned dirt and smoke from nearby chimneys permeating through the air. Halfway through we’d dump our bikes on the lawn and stop at one of the moss-covered tombs, trying to get a peek inside. Then stroll through the graves for a few minutes, admiring the brittle yet somewhat legible 17th and 18th century headstones. On a very rare occasion, one of us would have brought a sheet of wax paper for some grave-rubbing before the old groundskeeper/gravedigger guy took notice and kicked us out.

As a full grown adult Uncle TNUC, when I’m not wandering around foggy graveyards at night in October blasting undead anthems on my ghettoblaster á la Return of the Living Dead, during off-months I sincerely enjoy taking strolls through these old reseting grounds. Especially the ancient ones that date back over a century ago.

An empty canoe sits at the edge of a graveyard. Could it be Manimal satisfying his insatiable thirst by claiming innocent victims way early before Camp season?!

SAVAGE NOMAD ALBUM REVIEW #2.

Welcome another edition of SAVAGE NOMAD ALBUM REVIEWS. Our intention is simple. Seek out crusty records with ridiculous cover artwork, listen, reflect. We’re looking for bodacious looking albums that capture the true power and spirit of heavy metal but sadly only 37 people in the world have ever heard. With millions of bands and billions of albums floating across the earth, all we have is one requirement. The album artwork must be nasty, primitive and savage. Artwork that easily could’ve been drawn by that delinquent Randy from shop class, your best friend’s scary older brother or the mustached stranger working at the carnival’s airbrush booth. Artwork that explodes off the shelf, excites your inner-dream child and demands that you bring it home. That same knee-jerk “cool cover…I need this” reaction you had as a kid while browsing aisles at the record shop or video store.

You know the ones. Bulging muscles, nude ladies, demons, witches, executioners, barbarians, reapers, sledgehammers, axes, swords, blood, rock boulders, neon animals, raging beasts, loin cloths, prostitutes, molten steel, lightning, villagers, snakes, rats, power glow, Italian sports cars and foggy darkness……perfectly portrayed in all their airbrushed and colored pencil glory. 

We hope to uncover some gems, but realistically some of them will be turds and that’s OK. The goal is to showcase these obscure albums for what they are.

So join TNUC in scraping the $1 bargain bins, garage sales, abandoned high school lockers and Uncle Rick’s smokey basement in search for cheaply drawn, savage metal power.


SAVAGE NOMAD ALBUM REVIEW #2:
HAWK – SELF-TITLED (1985)
 

The Art:

There’s a reoccurring dream I have where I’m a ripped, intergalactic, post-apocalyptic Native American warrior walking around casually in outer space. All I have with me is a couple pet hawks and a sacred tribal weapon. I’m wearing purple gloves and futuristic knee-high boots. While my actual gender is questionable by some, most don’t care because they’re too impressed by my insane mane. Wait a minute, the artwork to Hawk’s self-titled masterpiece is precisely that dream. 

Word on the street is that people like to bitch and moan about this album’s artwork. I don’t understand this thought process. Not only does it fit the ‘Savage Nomad’ artwork criteria to a T but the native slayer reminds me of legendary b-movie nomad Mark Gregory (Thunder Warrior, 1990: The Bronx Warriors).

The Songs:

While I would’ve cherished a concept record about post-apocalyptic life in space, in no way am I complaining about the experience I had listening to HAWK’s powerful debut. This album is not the pure bonehead-rock album I anticipated it probably was. We begin with ‘Tell the Truth’, one of the catchiest crotch-thrusters I’ve heard in a long time. Easily the closest chance to a “hit” on this album. Turn this rad bastard up, light up a Winston and lock your bedroom door to drown the sound of your stepfather screaming from downstairs.

The band don’t hesitate switching gears into ballad territory for the track #2 ‘Fades so Fast’ which features the emotional ripper of a lyric “my guitar will take me far,´cause it´s my only friend”. With additional white-hot rockers like ‘Witches Burning’ and ‘The Dream’, this band definitely possess a Dio meets Dokken type of sound. It’s hard to believe this album didn’t reach to a higher status during its day but again, it’s a classic case of savage nomads lost at sea. The production could match up with any of their heavy metal peers on the scene and we’re about to find out why…

The Band:

Now here’s where things get interesting. HAWK was the brainchild of Doug Marks, the founder and owner of Metal Method, the famous home video guitar lesson that started in 1982. Yes, that same Metal Method video that gave us the infamous scenes featuring Jim Gillette and Michael Angelo Batio. Marks relocated from Colorado to Los Angeles in the mid-eighties, put a band together and HAWK was birthed.

Drums on the album were performed by Matt Sorum (Guns N’ Roses) and at one time Scott Travis (Judas Priest, Racer X) also played drums in the band. Original vocalist David Fefolt performed with a feathered-covered mic stand and the rest of the band looked like a ugly pack of glammed-out hyenas. The band made the usual rounds of the LA rock scene at clubs like the The Roxy, Country Club and Gazzarri’s.

Die hard Hawk disciples still exist! Check out this one fan’s framed tribute to the band.

Thanks for reading and listening to our second Savage Nomad Album Review! Go find HAWK’s epic war-cry at your local record shop, on Discogs or on CD/digital through Doug Mark’s Metal Methods website.

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