When you live on the night side of life, alleyways of the big city transform into sensual rivers of darkness. An otherworldly mist rises from cast-iron manhole covers, permeating the neon shadows to spawn an atmosphere of steamy, softcore euphoria.
It was a sweltering night but I still donned my most sensuous trench-coat while I wandered the streets aimlessly for hours.
My eyes were eventually drawn towards an old apartment building, where a set of window blinds on the first floor concealed a strange rosé glow. As I looked on curiously, an object tipped the blinds open, it was a hand – a woman’s hand. The window slid open and a lithe arm beckoned me inside to her warm, pink haven. I entered.
Her inviting figure was draped exquisitely in a negligée – which is French for come do me – and it was all I could do to resist the impulse of my manhood swelling like a corpse floating in the harbor. She grabbed my hand and led me to a dim room before playfully shoving me on to the silk sheets of a palatial waterbed.
Eager to deliver this nympho waves of passion-soaked injections, I hung on her every move. She leaned over a stereo, flipping through tapes in search of a mood saucy enough. Unsatisfied, she motioned to my side, where there was a cassette. MIDNIGHT HEAT.
She guided it in and the music began to play…
What happened next will forever remain a secret between your Uncle T and one lonely sex fiend; a gentleman doesn’t penetrate the lustrous walls of womanhood and go tell everyone like some rube.
After having sex, she passed out and I got dressed. I quietly crept to the stereo and snatched the cassette out, pocketing it as I slipped on my trenchcoat and disappeared back into the night.
I never saw her again, mostly because I hate even the slightest sense of commitment and avoid that block at all costs, but I still have the memory – and her tape. For you disciples, the steamiest soundtrack to a night in the city is here. Journey to a seductive underworld and come play in the MIDNIGHT HEAT!
The moral of today’s story is POWER.
In a world filled with electronic artists hiding behind their laptops and held up in their parents’ basements, Big Mike & Gianni La Bamba are the power duo we need right now. They aren’t here to take you on a fantasy ride to some make believe Vice City land that doesn’t actually exist, nor will they wave some disposable retro bait in front of your face, trying to sell you something that isn’t authentic.
Chief Ambassador Mike Ballermann and Señor La Bamba are the real deal…on the streets right now…beckoning you to join their ranks and become a disciple of Ballermania.
“Living the Dream” represents a refreshing growth in sound and appearance for the Deutschland crude dudes. Gone from the typical Big Mike universe are the neon lights and blonde locks bouncing in the wind. While he allows those elements to rest for a moment, we’re treated to a music video filled with Cologne architecture, high fashion, Rolex headquarters, a fancy afghan hound w/ a net worth of over $7.5 million and most importantly, more power.
Mike & Gianni’s next level strength of mind will undoubtedly launch them into a new disco stratosphere that we all desperately need. Watch the video at least 10 times, then download the track!
IN PARTY, PLEASURE AND POWER”
Living in Los Angeles has its advantages. The other night while drinking a beer the kitchen I overheard a newscaster on the TV in the next room talking about a “Patrick Swayze Estate Auction” being held at a space literally 15 minutes from the TNUC lair. My jaw dropped and I did a cartwheel into the living room, someone not spilling said beer.
Everyone visiting this website and reading this post already loves Swayze and it’s been well documented that Uncle T is a Swayze disciple for life. Road House and Point Break are my two favorite films of all time. Dalton and Bodhi are like big brothers I grew up idolizing. The Outsiders, Youngblood, Ghost, Red Dawn, Dirty Dancing, Black Dog, Fatherhood…we cherish them all.
So last Thursday afternoon I drove down to the Swayze exhibition and it was truly a dream come true for someone who admired the guy so much. Naturally I gravitated toward the film items of the gallery, but there were also hundreds of furniture pieces, historical artifacts, motorcycles, instruments, clothing (even his g-string from Keeping Mum), Native American artifacts and HORSES. Swayze really loved horses, as seen in the dozens of paintings, statues and decorative items throughout the auction.
Here are the items I saw that day that made me gasp in pure joy.
Bodhi’s Beach Football Shirt! (POINT BREAK)
Estimate $2,000 – $3,000
This vicious cut-off shirt is from the scene in Point Break when Johnny Utah and the Ex-Presidents play a little beach football at night. Johnny tackles Bodhi into the ocean, thankfully not trashing this distressed Harley Davidson ‘batwing’ shirt that stood before me, neatly hung on a mannequin.
Dalton’s Tan Suit & Red Silk Shirt! (ROAD HOUSE)
Estimate $2,000 – $3,000
Worn in multiple scenes during the film, including when Dalton stops by Brad Wesley’s house and after catching a look at mega-whore Denise working out to some ripoff Janet Jackson song, he turns down breakfast and a bloody mary offered by Mr. Wesley. Dalton also donned the red shirt when smoking a cigarette and talking to the blind guitarist before getting his ass handed to him in the back of the Double Deuce by some of Wesley’s goons. The suit and shirt have surprisingly held up after 28 years and being involved in a sweaty, savage beating.
Power Sword! (STEEL DAWN)
Estimate $1,000 – $2,000
Wow, this place even has the sword from the most underrated film of the Swayze legacy. In the movie, he plays a desert warrior named Nomad, a dusty-haired wrecking machine who spends his days carving the future with that very sword! Honestly among so many garbage and laughable post-apocalyptic movies of the era, Steel Dawn is very decent and deserves another shot if you dismissed it the first time. The rounded knob at the end of the sword (called a pommel) detaches to reveal a 6-inch dagger. Not pictured is a t-shirt and copy of the film which are included with the purchase of the weapon.
Surfboards! (POINT BREAK)
Estimate $4,000 – $6,000 (left) / $1,000 – $2,000 (right)
The blue one is a Spyder brand surfboard custom designed for Bodhi. The one on the right is a training board used by Swayze while learning to surf for the film, also designed by Dennis Jarvis for Spyder. Both surfboards would be such a dream to own. Imagine having these mystical pieces on display in your den or above the living room fireplace, ready to grab at a moment’s notice when the swells start to break. Ah, so much power.
Estimate $2,000 – $3,000
This doesn’t have the “wow” factor as some of the others but I couldn’t stop thinking about all the things this passport probably saw from 1982 – 1987. SWAYZE WORLD TOUR DOMINATION.
“A modern savage, a real searcher”. That’s right folks, it’s The Bodhisattva’s very own wetsuit! Here’s the exact suit locals would pray they’d catch a glimpse of at the beach if Bodhi was in the water carving tubes, snaking kooks’ waves, impressing all the tanned foxes or just teaching a lesson to some punk-nazi surfers who have no respect for the sea and only want to get radical. I could’ve sworn I heard choral humming and saw a heavenly, glowing light shine upon this wetsuit when I first looked it.
Obviously this is not the wetsuit he was wearing when he ate it on that 400 ft wave at Bells Beach in Australia during the 50-year storm. The US Coast Guard have been searching for that one since 1991.
I wish I had better photos of this one but it was protected in a secured glass case (understandably). From season 16, episode 4, airing on October 27, 1990, it’s the infamous Patrick Swayze-hosted SNL which included the legendary Chippendales segment! Just looking at the script’s cover (click to enlarge), you’ll see “possible script elements” featuring a spoof on Ghost and also a White Trash Bed & Breakfast, both skits starring Swayze! The only way to flip through the pages would be by purchasing the item, estimated between $600 – $800.
*This is a big one for Uncle T, seeing as though the Chippendales skit was my first introduction to the late-great Chris Farley. Someone just recently raised the question of who the first celebrity death that effected you was, and for me it was definitely Farley…R.I.P. to both of these great men.*
Patrick Swayze’s 1981 DeLorean DMC-12 Coupe!
Estimate $30,000 – $40,000
SWAYZE OWNED A DELOREAN. THERE IS A GOD.
It’s painful just finding this out now because it’s way too cool just thinking about all the possibilities of a DeLorean and Patrick Swayze. Someone should’ve pushed this guy into doing futuristic movies with the exotic car, or at least taken some photos of him ripping down the dusty desert highway in the stainless steel beast. Back to the Future Part 4, perhaps?
Even though my photo is taken from the Swayze auction “catalog” because the DMC wasn’t actually on display at the gallery, it’s absolutely fucking phenomenal and SO FITTING just knowing he owned one. He ruled on all levels.
Excerpt from the catalog: “Swayze often laughed at the fact that he bought a DeLorean just two days before John DeLorean got busted for cocaine on October 19, 1982. (The car) includes a City of Santa Monica Police Department court notice given to Swayze for a red light violation in the DeLorean.”
Thank you to Julien’s Auctions of Los Angeles for putting together the event and doing such a fantastic job of displaying literally hundreds of Swayze’s personal items. The items I included here barely scratch the surface of what the exhibition held.
I’d like to close with a letter about Patrick’s belongings written by his wife, Lisa Niemi Swayze.
In 2015, the task of packing up and moving out of Patrick’s and my ranch (aka “Rancho Bizarro”) in Los Angeles after thirty years proved to be incredibly daunting, not only because of the painful emotions of “letting go” it brought up for me, but also the sheer magnitude of three decades of “stuff” to go through, decide on, and pack. And trust me, there are a lot of places on a five acre ranch to store stuff, much more than I would ever be able to keep for myself!
But one thing that helped me get through this journey was the thought that I would one day share so many of these special items with others. Sure, I could rent a storeroom, move it all in, and lock the door. Or, I could let these pieces of an incredible life to to people that may put them in a place of honor in their homes, cherish them, and bring them happiness.
Our things reflect who we are…or were. In packing up Rancho Bizarro, I was impressed with how large the life we lived together was. Patrick’s personal items reflect the amazing life he led, our travels, interests, and how diversified and inordinately talented he was (in so many areas). When I picked up each item, I remembered a history, particular moments in time, and it surprised me, made me joyful, sometimes sad, but ultimately, very proud of this man, who he was and what he accomplished in his life. He was a hero. And his spectacularly brave, wise and fearless fight against pancreatic cancer showed just how much of a hero he truly was to the very end.
It’s important for me that you know there is a little piece of Patrick in every item in this auction, and I hope his spirit brings you joy.
He was a shining light. A magnificent man. And there will never be another one like him.
Lisa Niemi Swayze.
† † †
Welcome to another edition of STRIPPED DOWN SUNDAYS, that tender time of the month when TNUC provides some ultimate relaxation courtesy of a stripped down, acoustic performance from one of our favorite heavy hitters.
This month it’s Winger’s ‘Can’t Get Enuff’ from their MTV Unplugged gig they shared with the band Slaughter. This bluesy rendition of the song further exemplifies Winger’s talent chops which are still overlooked to this day. Again, I say this all the time but talent-wise this band could run circles around most of their “hair metal” peers of the day.
The performance shows Kip Winger in his absolute prime. He must’ve been watching Point Break a lot during those days, because he’s displaying a “beach Bodhisattva” style as seen with this baja shirt, circular sunglasses, dangly earrings and braids in his hair.
BONUS: Here’s a free download of the ‘Acoustic Blues Version’ studio version which was the b-side to their ‘Down Incognito’ single in 1993!
If you’re the kind of person who’s constantly chasing the American dream like Uncle T, it probably means you’ve spent most of 2017 celebrating the 30th Anniversary of OVER THE TOP.
The most beloved arm wrestling motion picture of our eternity is without a doubt the 1987 Sly Stallone mega-classic, Over the Top (no bullshit irony here, either). But as far as Stallone’s run of blockbusters go, this masterpiece was not heralded a “success” compared to others of the genre. Honestly for the life of me, I’ve never known why. This is a movie filled with raw emotion that never ceases to lift me up, pump diesel-fueled power through my veins and send shivers down my gluteus maximus.
Even if you struggled to reach emotional depths that you anticipated an arm wrestling/trucker film to deliver, there are a number of attributes to cherish about this movie. The awe-inspiring American landscapes, A++ soundtrack, blatant advertising placements, masterful montages and bulging brute action are just some of them!
The TNUC lair has seen it’s share of excitement lately by celebrating the film’s big 30th birthday. We’ve been hosting weekly screenings and coed-naked arm wrestling tournaments while execs from Cannon Films make special guest appearances. On weekends TNUC finds the nearest parked big rigs and uses them for workout routines just like our immortal idol, Lincoln Hawk.
While the good times roll at Castle TNUC, there’s one thing that’s always destroyed my brain a little, being a massive Over the Top worshipper…
Please tell me Uncle T isn’t the only person who’s watched the 1989 Fred Savage Nintendo-feast The Wizard and spotted an all-too-familiar big rig during this scene…
The Wizard (1989)
Over the Top (1987)
WAIT A MINUTE?! In just two years time, did Hawk Hauling really expand from a one-man show to an enterprise? Or, on the contrary, did “Spanky” the trucker steal Lincoln Hawk’s precious truck in hopes of gaining a lifetime supply of that Brut cologne that Hawk was moving around the country? The latter seems very unlikely considering Spanky’s friendly good nature. Remember, he’s the trucker pal of Haley’s who helps drive her and her friends to VIDEO ARMAGEDDON.
“MASTER TNUC, PLEASE GIVE US THE ANSWERS”
Well, thanks to the powers of computers, multiple sources confirm that there were in fact (3) 18-wheeler “Hawk Hawling” model trucks used for the film and YES, these metal monsters were all used in both Over the Top and The Wizard!
Take a moment to let that sink in. Now get ready for the real big news of the day.
1965 A64B Autocar model
Rotting away in a Universal lot for over a decade, the three trucks eventually relocated to a scrapyard where they sat again, roasting in the California heat. Then one day a beam of light shined down upon the dying legend. Two absolutely mental Over the Top disciples traveled across the country and purchased the last remaining truck, then hauled the old beast back to their home in West Virginia! (And I thought I was this movie’s biggest supporter!)
Risen from the grave!
Roughly seven years ago new owner Corey Ash began restoring Lincoln Hawk’s legendary big rig with hopes of driving it to Vegas one day for the big arm wrestling championship. Talk about true passion. Talk about eternal power.
Corey, just remember to swing by the TNUC lair and pick us up during this triumphant quest. (We’ll keep everyone updated on the progress of Hawk Hauling).
Happy 30th anniversary, OVER THE TOP.