Get ready to have your hearts warmed. This is seriously great.
In 1985, at the height of Hulkamania, the platinum blonde hot dog-colored skin warrior made an appearance at Timber Lake Camp in Shandaken, New York much to the surprise of an audience of youngsters.
Needless to say, the kids go completely apeshit when Hulk arrives. You have to remember just how massive Hulk Hogan was at this point. Seeing an iconic, larger than life wrestler like the Hulkster pull up in a van to your little summer camp would make any 9 year old lose their mind. Hell, I’m getting chills just watching video footage over 30 years later.
I loathe when people bring up Hulk Hogan these days and the immediate response is something negative or sarcastic. For everything he’s done for the world of wrestling and kids around the world, we owe this American hero a debt of gratitude.
“To all my little Hulkamaniacs, say your prayers, take your vitamins and you will never go wrong.”
What could possibly be worse than working in the office all summer?
Board meetings, deadlines, presentations, cubicles, suits, slacks, elevators, admins, bosses, coffee mugs, fake plants, briefcases, fax machines, floppy disks, software updates, argyle socks…even Hawaiian shirt friday. It’s ALL bad for the human spirit.
Your breaking point comes in mid-July when during your 95° morning commute a convertible carload of happy-go-lucky teenagers heading to the beach passes you on the left, hooting and hollering while Kim Wilde’s ‘Kids in America’ blasts out of their stereo. There you sit inching down the freeway in your metal coffin (’87 Ford Corolla), sweating to death in that monkey suit and nursing a crappy cup of coffee.
Don’t let the stress and mundaneness of working for “the man” lead to disastrous habits like workplace violence or a vicious cocaine addiction. We might have the cure right here…right now.
Andy Fink’s CORPORATE REPORT mixes are here to save our poor souls. Instead of being a pure musical escape that wouldn’t be practical due to a lack of focus, think of these mixtapes as more of a tool to help motivate, push, inspire and reach your maximum potential.
Not many people know this, but back during the summer of ’87 Uncle TNUC toured the countryside working for one of the sleaziest carnivals on the market. He spent three months building amusement rides (shirtless) and trying to impress small town local babes (fully oiled up). Being on the road all summer as a rough-hewn, muscle-bound carnival worker might not sound all that glamorous but the job did have its perks. Every so often a bored, rich and lonely debutante would wander through the carnival and Uncle T was more than happy to lend a helping hand in the “desires department”. It’s a dirty job but someone’s gotta’ do it.
The once in a lifetime job ended abruptly when a lawsuit brought the carnival down, claiming that our cotton candy machines were lined with cocaine residue and some fat kid got squeezed to death on the tilt-a-whirl.
Anyone who’s seen TWO MOON JUNCTION can imagine that when the film came out in 1988, naturally Uncle T thought someone bad based the plot on his life. This angered him for a short while until he heard who was starring in the movie. The female and male roles were played by Sherilyn Fenn (The Wraith, Twin Peaks) and one of our favorite crude dudes roaming the free earth, Richard Tyson (‘Crisp’ from Kindergarten Cop and ‘Buddy Revel’ from Three O’Clock High)!!!
The film centers around a beautiful “southern belle” named April who’s about to marry one of those preppy, privileged, boring nerds that wears nothing but white clothing and wants to “do right” by his mommy and daddy. However stirring within April is a raging sexual desire that erupts when she strolls into the carnival one afternoon and locks eyes with one seductive-ass carny.
ENTER PERRY. Perry is a traveling nomad that has it all. The looks, the attitude, the hair, the jeans, the no underpants, the motorcycle, the dog, the big rig…you name it. April is apprehensive when she meets Perry because of his wild lifestyle but it doesn’t take long for her to fall victim to his insatiable carny-lust. The two embark on a journey of steamy desire for the ages.
Instead of continuing with a play by play synopsis of the film, let’s shine a spotlight on some of our favorite things about Two Moon Junction in true TNUC fashion…
#1 THE PASSION!
Two Moon Junction is rich with sex scenes. Not just sex scenes, but montages of gripping passion and animal attraction that feature both female and male nudity. It was no surprise to find out that Zalman King directed the movie, who is most famous for directing the long-running television series Red Shoe Diaries. If you’re of similar age as I am, Red Shoe Diaries was a pivotal boner program of our youth, to put it bluntly.
Two Moon Junction features some visually bizarre scenes and dialogue that doesn’t really gel with what’s actually happening on screen. That’s not necessarily a bad thing for a movie of this nature and actually makes sense when you find out it’s the same director as Red Shoe Diaries.
#2 CARNY SYLES!
This movie is sometimes like peering straight into Uncle T’s closet and Perry is a chip off the old block. The open trench-coat with no shirt underneath look is classic late-evening carny sleaze. Dusty trench-coats are magnets for ladies who like to roam the carnival looking for hot action.
Perry dresses in an effortless manner similar to Bodhi from Point Break or Casey Jones from TMNT: The Movie. It’s a savage nomad approach that meets at the crossroads of filthy and cultured. Take for example the above scene where he’s playing pool at a local billiard bar, distracted by the two girls on the dance floor. In this example he’s looking almost scholarly in his circular eyeglasses and white shirt buttoned to the neck.
#3 AWESOME FREAKS!
This is a bizarre movie and it’s cast of characters are a pure reflection of that. Throughout the film we’re introduced to a colorful array of freaks, geeks and weirdos. The above scene involves a high-stakes poker game with the carnival’s freakshow group. The story gets a little bleak here but apparently the little guy is a greedy bastard who Perry is not happy with. Yes, that actor is Hervé Villechaize, the famous dwarf who played ‘Tattoo’ on the television series Fantasy Island!
Let’s not dismiss a few great boneheads from the movie as well. The guy on the right who looks like a fat Paul Stanley I know i’ve seen somewhere! If anyone recognizes him, please speak up.
#4 GRIM REAPER T-SHIRT!
When this showed up on screen I spilled my ice cold ZIMA and sent a bowl of Keebler Magic Middles launching across the living room. Grim Reaper are one of my favorite heavy metal bands and songs like like ‘Rock Me Till I Die’, ‘Night of the Vampire’, ‘Rock You to Hell’ and ‘Lust for Freedom’ are mainstays of the TNUC playlist. Then it got me thinking…why am I making a mental connection between Grim Reaper and carnivals?…
Because Grim Reaper are probably the #1 band to show up on those carnival mirror prizes! What the hell are carnival mirror prizes? Those square pieces of mirrored glass containing images of album covers, cartoon characters or beer companies. Grim Reaper weren’t a very successful band and never had a hit, but for whatever reason they CONSTANTLY show up on carnival mirror prizes. Go ahead, do an eBay search right now!
#5 CARNIVAL MOVIE TYPECASTING!
Allow me to explain. One of April’s friends in the film is the girl in the middle, played by actress Kerry Remsen. When she appeared in the movie, I immediately recognized her as ‘Nicole’ from the horror creature feature, Ghoulies 2.
Both Two Moon Junction and Ghoulies 2 were released in 1988. Both movies take place at carnivals. This actress just happened to star in two bizarro films in the same year taking place at carnivals? Or was she typecast into roles revolving around amusement parks and weirdos? Ponder on that one.
♥ ♥ ♥
***Thanks for reading TNUC’s thoughts on this tantalizing tale of carnival seduction. We strongly urge you to seek out the film and give it a proper 2:00 am viewing. It’s best to watch these types of movies in the middle of the night.***
Uncontrollable passion. Undeniable heat.
They came back from the grave to rock and rave and misbehave! That’s right, our demonic buds Carpenter Brut are back with a brand new video. Please indulge.
This video has it all. Fast cars, heavy metal barbarians, damsels in distress, hard rock zombies! This is the video TNUC wishes he made. It has more heavy metal power + spirit than most actual heavy metal bands can even pull off these days. Since Carpenter Brut first arrived on the scene, they’ve been tipping their cap to golden era heavy metal bands and in turn have filtered the power of this classic music to pump their dark dance music with something ferocious.
I’m man enough to admit it, I was a little skeptical when it was made clear the group were include so many vocals and a more “live” band approach on their newest album Leather Teeth. My initial thought was why mess with a good thing? Well, this song and now music video blew the roof off the TNUC lair and silenced those feelings. The ‘Brut just keep getting better and better.
Be sure to catch Carpenter Brut on tour when they plow through your fair city.
It isn’t everyday you get to discover a great song with the simultaneous pairing of an OUTSTANDING music video. It happened this week when a generous TNUC disciple sent me Sharon O’Neill’s heartbreaking hooker ballad ‘Maxine’. I barely can conjure up words to continue. I just need to keep watching this music video. Enjoy…
New Zealand singer-songwriter Sharon O’Neill delivers what should have been the global monster pop ballad sensation of 1983. Sultry beat, sweaty saxophone, heavy subject matter done the best way and an insanely infectious hook.
“Maxine, Case 1352
A red and green tattoo
Eyes cold steel blue”
Rarely do song lyrics immediately grab me but it’s hard not to really feel something with this hot number. Pair that with the graphic music video showing prostitute life on the streets and the tragic demise of a troubled teen and Uncle T is completely dialed in.
I love that the story and video feels like a 4 minute Miami Vice episode or one of the show’s many epic montages. If only Crockett and Tubbs would’ve been there to land a swift kick wearing slip-on loafers to one of those vicious thugs’ faces before they got to poor Maxine.
This live video is also highly recommended. Even though nothing will top what she achieved with the music video, Sharon and her band deliver a performance that will make you want to reach for a cigarette and gaze out at the city skyline.
Streetwalkin’ is tough business. I’d like to dedicate this post to any lady TNUC disciples who’ve had to partake in the midnight hustle in order to stay alive.
Sharon O’Neill is now my current dreambabe. She is definitely making TNUC’s Vixen Of The Month countdown real soon.