As Valentine’s Day approached this month, I couldn’t help thinking about all the hilarious perverts we’ve had the pleasure of getting to know on the big screen. From all the peeping toms falling off windowsills, to a guy arrested for “mopary” (exposing yourself to a blind person), I think we can agree that at the very least, these degenerates are creative. Their horniness knows no boundaries and for that we thank them for all their sleazy efforts.
On this Valentine’s Day we’d like to call attention to a certain lovable tub of lard by the name of Principal Anderson a.k.a. THE REVOLTING BLOB. He’s our very own perv of hearts for February!
Play the clip above and revisit Principal Anderson mastering the art of a triple-threat pervert attack:
a) Creeper frames b) Glasses-tip c) Horny head-nod!
Max Anderson didn’t always live the life of a distinguished elementary school principal. If you own the August 1983 issue of Wrestling World, the cover story on a wrestler named “The Revolting Blob” centers around an incident of that year when the deranged superstar sat on some guys head in the ring and killed him.
While he redeems himself in the film by coming to the aid of Billy Madison at a time of need, Anderson can’t help squeezing in one more “I’m still horny” while groping Madison on the podium in front of dozens of onlookers.
♥ Happy Valentine’s Day everybody! ♥
Think of all the great food fights we’ve witnessed in movies and television. Now search within yourself and ask, what’s the all-time best? Animal House, Hook, Valley Girl, Little Darlings, Family Matters, Full House…the list goes on!
For TNUC the choice is clear. Nothing tops Junior and Trixie’s pizza parlor food fight in the motion picture masterpiece, Problem Child 2.
My favorite food fights are the ones involving fake and exaggerated versions of real food. Take for instance the slimy pizza in this scene. Has pizza ever been this oozy and sticky-icky? The chef must have run out of real cheese and figured anyone eating at Pizzarific won’t notice if he slides some Ghostbusters’ ectoplazm onto the pizza pies. But hey, who cares! I’d host the TNUC pizza party every year at this place if it meant drippy pizza food battles and Junior Fucking Healy.
***UPDATE: Immediately after writing this paragraph, I watched this behind-the-scenes video with Michael Oliver (Junior) confirming that the pizza slime was in fact the same stuff they used in Ghostbusters. WHOA!***
Of course in real life, our annual summertime food fights at Camp TNUC are the most fun. One afternoon in July is set aside to completely destroy the cafeteria in a sloppy explosion of hurling meatballs, squirting ketchup, flyin’ pickles, launchin’ Lunchables, raining mustard, mayonnaise assault, catapulting mashed potatoes, Kool-Aid baths, flinging noodles, burger battles and pie wars. 100% PURE ADRENALINE.
On a related note, the debut of Nickelodeon’s Double Dare did wonders for food fight disciples like Uncle T. It wasn’t exactly a “fight” but it still felt like a culmination of every great food explosion scene balled into one — plus trivia, prizes and Mark ‘Slaughterhouse’ Summers.
Just when I finished scouring God’s green earth, coming to terms with the harsh reality that every great food battle had been fought and seen already on television, a vision came to me while I was floating around on the 10 foot alligator raft in the TNUC grotto, drinking a frothy Löwenbrau. As I drifted off to sleep, the vision of two powerful worlds collided: food fights + women’s mud wrestling.
The next morning I received something at my doorstep. Something big. Something mega. Something copious. Something cajunga…
Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? No need to pinch yourself because this was no dream. It’s 1987’s FOXY FOOD FIGHT!
After all the TNUC research on women’s mud & oil wrestling (we spent a month doing this in 2015), you’d think something like Foxy Food Fight would’ve come across our radar. Instead, this VHS tape was a blessing that arrived out of the clear blue sky.
Shot at the world famous Whiskey a Go Go on the Sunset Strip, this 60 minute fabulous feast stars a group of America’s most luscious ladies “with bodies sculptured by every sexual fantasy ever bestowed on womankind” battling it out on a mat in a three round/three coarse meal. Watch as these finely toned vixens start body slamming each other on beds of salad, spaghetti with red sauce and finally dessert…whipped cream and cherries. You’ll never look at food the same way again!
Just like watching one of those old mud wrestling videos, you need to be constantly on the lookout for familiar faces both in the ring and audience. Sure enough, not one but two girls from the 1984 comedy classic Hardbodies came into focus on the TNUC long-butt radar! The ring girl holding up cards between rounds is actress Kristi Somers who played the sexy, spirited blonde in the movie (the one who the old cowboy dude in the movie couldn’t keep up with). The second was actress Teal Roberts, one of the last dynamic damsels to enter the ring, who in Hardbodies played the girlfriend of main character Scotty!
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Whether food fights go down in the cafeteria or mall food court, most people leap at the opportunity to hurl sloppy shit around at their friends or foes. The one food fight that comes to mind for me personally was at a Chuck E. Cheese’s birthday party in early ’90s. We annihilated that place in more ways than one. Put it this way, when you invite the entire 3rd grade class to a place dedicated to pizza, cake, games and animatronic animals, you’ve created a monster.
Do YOU have food fight memories? Share them in the comment section!
German Death Disco from 1982. That’s the topic of today’s discussion, courtesy of the brave souls over at Dangerous Minds.
Long before your favorite darkwave artists like Perturbator, Umberto and SURVIVE even knew what a synthesizer was, there were a couple weirdos in Germany creating a devastating blend of robotic horror music a thousand times more scarier. May I present WARNING.
When you’ve finished traveling through Tron-land with these harbingers of death in the video above, read over the full article at this location. There’s no need for me to reiterate the myth and mystery of Warning after Dangerous Minds’ write-up executed it so perfectly. Plus – I need time to dip into my private stash of expired quaaludes just to try and sleep tonight after watching this.
“What were they warning us about? We may never know, but I will tell you this much, once you hear Warning, you will never forget them. Even if you really want to…”