SONGS FROM ‘THE POINT’ [Part 1].

hollywood high

Everyone’s aware of that frisky spot up the hill they call ‘THE POINT’. Even if you haven’t experienced one of these hot nights on your own, you’ve at least heard the stories.

In the event that someone is lost, ‘The Point’ a.k.a ‘The Make-Out Point’ is a somewhat secluded area where you take a loved one or a random steamy vixen during the evening hours in hopes of wrestling around together in your vehicle. The old folks called this act “parking”. The Point usually overlooks a city skyline, cliff or ocean – but it can really be anywhere you want it to be (e.g. under the bleachers on the football field, the roof of your barn, a baseball dugout). After a location is chosen, the real goal is to turn up the heat, so creating the right mood or vibe is crucial business. With a little help from a proper playlist of songs on your stereo, you’ll turn into lord of the thighs in no time. If only there was a certain influential Manimal with a song prescription that would help so many in need…

But wait, THERE IS. In today’s 1st edition of “Songs from The Point”, TNUC presents the top (5) songs that are guaranteed to make you a righteous ruler while sitting in that 4×4, van or muscle car. Today we’re sticking with mostly songs from the 1970s because they’re the most true and blue-blooded. (We’ll move to other decades later).

First though, some ground rules. When it comes to picking songs, don’t choose anything too obvious. NO BLATANT LOVE BALLADS. NO TOP 40. NO STAIRWAY! Deep cuts and hidden gems are the key. Nothing dorky or too progressive though. You need to impress your hellcat. You want chunky riffs that also boogie. You want swirling, celestial guitar solos that sound like they’re being played by long-haired, bong-ripping angels in heaven. Essentially “dad rock”…but not corporate dad who drives a Saab and can’t even build his own campfire. We’re talking about Union Carpenter dad. The one who spends his free time in the garage with the music blaring over a crappy stereo that he refuses to part with. He’s in there doing blue-collar activities like welding some cast iron with his shirt off, engulfed in fumes as a cigarette dangles from his bottom lip.

Ease those seats back, crack some beers and listen loudly under the open sky…

fast times5) Gianni Rossi – Free Wheelin’

Gianni Rossi’s track from the Star Vehicle soundtrack isn’t from the 1970s, but then again nobody knows when it’s from. Plus who could really care about details and release dates as those crunchy riffs and fuzzy synths infiltrate your senses. Good times are mandatory with this song. It’s the perfect kick-off jam. Play this at dusk right when you arrive at The Point. Consider it foreplay.

Moment of Climax: Don’t scorch your shorts just yet.
Preferred ride of choice: 1977 Ford Country Squire.
Link: Buy Gianni Rossi’s ‘Star Vehicle’

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tumblr_nir13rMLY61qf0zeqo1_12804) Sammy Hagar – Fast Times at Ridgemont High

Originally we had a completely different song for our #4 choice but that guitar-stomp pulled me into it’s vicious vortex so hard and then wouldn’t take “no” for an answer. This track simply oozes sex. This is the one you keep humming all week in shop class while thinking about your Saturday night at The Point. Once that 3 o’clock bell rings on Friday, you drive straight over to your Uncle T’s infamous “Devil’s Den” – the place your parents warned you about. There you stock up on all the essentials: cigarettes, tall cans, electric lettuce, a half-empty bottle of Schnapp’s and a few frozen burritos. Then it’s off to pick up Tina and head up the hill to try your action at The Point. Don’t blow it!

Moment of Climax: “But Saturday night, I’ll be checkin’ it out. From the back of my van!” 
Preffered Ride of Choice: Any old van that comes with that little ladder attached on the back.
Buy: Fast Times at Ridgemont High: The Soundtrack

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lanie3) Blue Öyster Cult – I Love the Night

This calls for getting out of your Chevy and sprawling out on the hood. Don’t just climb on the hood like a chubby goon though. Do a radical slide to plant yourself right in the center (without making a dent). Now it’s just you and the lovely lady, under the stars above with Buck Dharma’s astronomical guitar work crooning through the night air. The idea of work, school, bills and deadlines doesn’t exist. When the guitar solo hits it magically synchronizes with the smoke rings you just exhaled above your heads. All is right with the world and there’s nothing you’d rather be doing than holding onto your girl and staring up at the sky. BÖC are one the most underrated rock bands of all time so your significant other will be totally giving you the eye. Pictured above is Lanie from The Stoned Age (1994), who called their record Agents of Fortune “a total fuck album” during one scene in the movie. This song, however, came a few years later on an album called Spectres, but we agree with Lanie.

Moment of Climax: The solo.
Preferred Ride of Choice: 1970 Chevy Nova
Buy: Blue Oyster Cult’s  ‘Spectres

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vannin wolf2) Uriah Heep – The Wizard

This bonafide classic is for when your night suddenly unfolds into something completely unexpected. As “The Wizard” plays the two of you connect on exotic parallel universes and begin speaking to each other in a new language. You’re finishing each other’s sentences. You talk about the self-sustaining farm you’ll build in a few years. She starts throwing fairy dust into the air as you scramble around on the velvet shag carpet trying to find the last roach to smoke. You come to realize later in the evening that this was the first time you heard Uriah Heep. She was the one who brought this song to The Point and it’s during this moment that you realize this babe might be the certified gypsy queen you’ve been searching for all summer.

Moment of Climax: The entire 3 minutes.
Preferred Ride of Choice: Anything with a warlock mural airbrushed on the side.
Buy: Uriah Heep’s ‘Demons & Wizards’

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35fcd-van1) UFO – Love to Love

Here we go. Forget those played out Zeppelin and Frampton records, all you need is the final track on Side B of UFO’s 1978 opus ‘Lights Out’ and your cute date night will transform into a pleasure odyssey of mass eruptions. Mockingbirds will sing…stars will soar…leather will rip…denim will tear…guitars will wail and strange scents of perfume and welding fumes will drift through the air. This is the one!

Moment of Climax: The grande finale.
Preferred ride of choice: 1978 Dodge or Chevy customized shaggin’-wagon with wood paneling inside and a water bed in the back.
Link: Buy UFO’s ‘Lights Out’

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3 Comments on “SONGS FROM ‘THE POINT’ [Part 1].

  1. I’m loving this series Uncle T. The Make-Out Point. “Don’t scorch your shorts just yet,” and, “Lord of the thighs,” are amazing lines. The UFO and BÖC tracks are definite hidden treasures. Not sure if you’ve seen the movie, Guardians of the Galaxy, but it has an awesome 70’s pop-rock soundtrack, which makes the movie a million times better. The BÖC track would’ve fit perfectly in the film.

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