SONGS FROM ‘THE POINT’ [Part 2].
Greetings cosmic travelers and horny wanderers of the night. You’ve come to the right place.
Hopefully you remember back to Part 1 of this special feature, a unique offering that saw Uncle T crawling out of his usual 1980’s shtick and into a plum-colored, velvet-interiored 1977 van filled with nothing but crucial tunes for that frisky spot up on the hill most commonly referred to as ‘THE POINT’.
Every town has a ‘Point’ but yours might be called ‘Make-Out Point’ or simply ‘The Spot’. Essentially these places are destinations for you and a curious lover to park your ride with the intention of getting hot n’ bothered in the back seat. The ideal setting that’s portrayed in countless movies overlooks a city’s skyline, valley, football field, cliff, ocean or any decent-enough view in hopes of “wowing” your lady friend (or manimal). Also typical during movie scenes is the girl in this situation smirking and whispering a “where are you taking me?” when she so obviously knows exactly where they’re headed.
In two years time since the Part 1 of this feature, TNUC rifled through stacks of dusty LPs and gathered the next batch of songs for a sequel. We sincerely hope these glory stompers inspire you take action, for example like finding the prom queen from your high school who was so desperately unsatisfied and bored to death by going to senior prom with Brad. You remember that preppy, Coldplay-loving, plaid-wearing cheesedick who bullied her into going with him. Time to bring the sad prom queen to ‘The Point’ and show her you were the magic man!
So fire up the wagon, get those joints rolled, grab a bottle of 151, steal that unopened bottle of Quaaludes from your Uncle Ned’s medicine cabinet and get ready to boogie! You’ve got a long night ahead of you…
7) Sniff n’ the Tears – Driver’s Seat
You can practically hear the meaty exhaust humming as guitarist Mick Dyche’s sweet licks penetrate your earlobes on ‘Driver’s Seat’. This is the most upbeat song of today’s list and that’s on purpose because this is for cranking up while you and the little miss are driving to your chosen ‘Point’. You eager beavers make a quick pit stop at Stop ‘n Go for some fuel, which means a couple Renaldo’s Burritos from the frozen food section. Then a moment of clarity hits you. This needs to be a night she never forgets and you cancel your burrito decision based on the potential after-effects and you buy a 12 pack of Löwenbräu and some goat pills instead. Turn up the night!
Moment of Climax: Those smokey riffs.
Preferred ride of choice: 1976 Dodge Tradesman Van with the little teardrop window in the back.
Buy the album: Sniff ‘n’ the Tears – Fickle Heart (1978)
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6) KISS – Magic Touch
We’ve arrived at the moment in the night when your shy, reserved, slightly timid date transforms into a bonafide dream woman/sex panther right before your eyes! “Jenny” whips off her v-neck college sweater to reveal a shredded denim vest with a big BÖC emblem airbrushed on the back. Then she opens up her backpack filled to the brim with 8-track tapes…KISS, Blue Öyster Cult, Hawkwind, Deep Purple, T-Rex, Electric Prunes and even some Charles Manson demos. Finally she cracks open a couple tall cans and sparks up the thick, burlacious ganja-bud, getting totally horned out! DREAM WOMAN.
Moment of Climax: The moment you realize this is a KISS song and it’s really fucking sexy and groovy.
Preferred ride of choice: 1971 Jeep Wagoneer (with wood-grain side panels)
Buy the album: KISS – Dynasty (1979)
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5) The Doobie Brothers – Flying Cloud
This 2-minute celestial slice of wonder echoes through the night air as the sky opens up and bursts of multicolored light form prisms as both of you gaze up in awe. Couldn’t be that brown acid you took during school detention right?! I mean…it’s been hours! Suddenly a mystical woman knocks on the passenger door and demands she join the party. You can’t be rude and say no, and surprisingly your lady tiger is more than welcoming. Time for a devil’s dandruff magic carpet ride!
Moment of climax: The entire two minutes. Welcome to the pleasure dome.
Preferred ride of choice: 1973 Oldsmobile Delta 88
Buy the album: The Doobie Brothers – What Were Once Vices Are Now Habits (1974)
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4) Cliff Richard – Devil Woman
Special music video selection! Please just watch this performance and enjoy everything it has to offer. Cliff Richard casts a spell on this TV studio audience which is something I really miss watching these days. Imagine for a moment, all these people so captivated. No cell phones, no distractions, no bullshit. Just them and the music, even if this “live” performance is probably lip-synced.
Moment of climax: “I drank the potion she offered me
I found myself on the floor
Then I looked in those big green eyes
And I wondered what I came there for”
Preferred ride of choice: 1969 Mercury Marauder
Buy the album: Cliff Richard – I’m Nearly Famous (1976)
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3) Cheap Trick – Heaven Tonight
If you were a teenager or young person in 1978, there’s a good chance Cheap Trick swooned and enchanted your girlfriend lonnnng before you entered the picture. Singer Robin Zander and guitarist Rick Nielsen were two of the most popular lads to grace the posters on bedroom walls throughout the 1970s. Girls went crazy for that man’s voice. OK…time to turn the nobs up and raise the levels of your father’s car stereo that he literally spent your entire college tuition money on. Your evening at ‘The Point’ just took on entirely new meaning.
Moment of Climax: The haunting middle part which combines cello, harpsicord and Nielsen’s mandocello.
Preferred ride of choice: 1976 Chevy Chevette
Buy the album: Cheap Trick – Heaven Tonight (1978)
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2) Blue Öyster Cult – Lips in the Hills
There’s no way in hell BÖC weren’t making the list. Returning for the second time following Part 1, Buck Dharma, Eric Bloom and gang bring the weirdness with a song from their underrated album Cultösaurus Erectus entitled ‘Lips in the Hills’. This band will always and forever remind me of all the bad ass uncles, dads, grandpas, helpful neighbors and local gurus TOO COOL and WAY BURNT OUT on Led Zeppelin and overplayed radio bands. This character is many times the family member that your relatives seldom get together with, not because he’s a bad person, but he’s just a little raw and too seasoned with life. Maybe it was serving in ‘Nam or it could’ve been just hanging around the bowling alley with sleazebags for too long. The youngsters in the family love him to death but even they are a little uneasy at times, especially when he babysits and brings that weird lady around who sells tires. He’s the one always in the garage welding nonstop, owns a shitkicker old van and absolutely refuses to update his wood-paneled, cigarette stained basement. He’s on a steady diet of cold black coffee, Newport menthols and construction lunch-truck sandwiches. This man RULES and worships at the altar of BÖC.
Moment of climax: The powerhouse guitar work of Buck Dharma that shoots laser beams into your skull.
Preferred ride of choice: The Blue Torpedo! (1973 Volkswagen Type 3 Squareback)
Buy the album: Blue Öyster Cult – Cultösaurus Erectus (1980)
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1) Nazareth – Please Don’t Judas Me
Here’s the song that puts you over the edge and “seals your fate forever”. Why? Because it contains the build up and climax you’ve been longing for all evening at ‘The Point’. Sure it’s been fun but the two of you are searching for that peak moment. THIS IS IT. Plus, Nazareth are that band you found out about at a young age from winning one of those framed carnival mirrors at the fair that said NAZARETH in big purple writing with a dragon drawn with it. Enough said…just listen.
Moment of climax: The descending psychedelic tour de force that starts around the 6-minute mark.
Preferred ride of choice: 1978 Buick Regal
Buy the album: Nazareth – Hair of the Dog (1975)
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Thanks for reading, listening and hanging out!
Hungry for more? Check out Songs from ‘The Point’ [Part 1]!