UNSOLVED MYSTERIES: THE PIZZA HUT RED-ROOF DELIVERY TRUCK.
Posted on April 29, 2014 13 Comments
If you’re a regular at Uncle TNUC’s, you’ve had to put up with the the trend of Pizza Hut posts over the years. Whether it be obscure promotions, goofy but heartfelt commercials, current abandoned restaurants, TMNT paraphernalia or product placement spottings, something about Pizza Hut never ceases to entertain us. The pizza itself I’ve never been able to touch with a 10-foot pole, which could have something to do with when I tried it for the first time as a child and ralphed it up in the backseat of a station wagon. But the nostalgia factor is in full-blown force with Pizza Hut, more so than the other popular pizza delivery chains.
Today I’m drawing my attention on the elusive Pizza Hut RED-ROOF delivery truck, as seen in the 1989 skateboarding epic, Gleaming the Cube. Allow me to refresh your memory…
Easily the most memorable moment of Gleaming the Cube was this incredible piece of machinery. The truck itself or at least that little replica of the restaurant’s inimitable red roof is probably sitting in a fortress somewhere surrounded by 24/hr security guards armed with mini gatling guns. Maybe not, but that’s what Uncle T is doing if he ever finds it. Why? Because I’ve delivered pizzas on all types of road warrior-wagons… motorbikes, push scooters, Vektars…hell, I even rented the WCW Hulkster Monster Truck for a weekend and delivered a steamy cheese pizza, in perfect condition, to a little old lady in my neighborhood. But never have I driven anything as beautiful and precious as the Pizza Hut RED-ROOF delivery truck.
The mystery here is if these actually existed in society. Has anyone ever ordered Pizza Hut and one of these pulled up to their house? Could this have just been a prototype designed only for the movie? I refuse to take part in the latter theory. I WANT TO BELIEVE.
Now I’ll do my best Robert Stack-on-Unsolved Mysteries impression:
So your job now is to find any information about this sacred automobile so that I can follow this post up with an Unsolved Mysteries-style “UPDATE” or one of those “ON THE VERY NIGHT OF OUR BROADCAST” segments that the show did so flawlessly and terrifyingly.
CYBORG SAX.
Posted on April 22, 2014 7 Comments
Most of our favorite aspects of life are definitely omnipresent in the first two Terminator movies. We’re talking cybernetic organisms, SKYNET, trench-coats, steamy factories, liquid metal, motorbikes, fog-drenched nightclubs…you name it, Terminator’s got it. Everything except one meaty slice of essentialness that Uncle T lives for on a daily basis. That would be the saxophone. If you can sit there with a straight face and deny having longed to hear saxophone in these movies, you’re not only lying to yourself but lying to your #1 Uncle too.
Leave it to our pal Steve Moore who we typically find manning the synthesizer to bust out a saxophone and play the Terminator theme on it. Upon first listen I had to pinch myself to be sure I wasn’t dreaming. It made so much sense that I wondered if this had been some long-lost track that had been locked up for the past 30 years. Had Steve pulled a “Miles Dyson home invasion” and broke into original composer Brad Fiedel’s home to terrorize his family and steal the track from his supercomputer? After much speculation, Steve confirmed this wasn’t so. He did in fact record the cover with his own saxophone.
Bless his heart, because now we have the privilege and freedom of listening to a sax’ed out version of the Terminator theme at our own convenience, whenever we please. Personally what comes to mind as I listen and reminisce is the tender moments between Sarah Connor and Kyle Reese. In the film’s love scene, musician Brad Fiedel provides a sweet piano version of the theme…which is cute, but wouldn’t it have raised the heat a couple notches with a saxophone ballad? Or even if it echoed subtly in the background as Reese roamed the streets of pre-apocalypse Los Angeles in his trusty trench-coat.
Truth be told, Steve’s cover is from a soundtrack to a book (yes) called DTV (meaning Direct-to-Video). Without getting into specifics, the book is about a pair of washed up action heroes and is backed by a killer soundtrack of great music. If you love action movies and tunes like you just heard, check it out here.
What’s next for Steve Moore? Oh, you know, just heading out on tour with 70’s Italian horror-soundtrack masters Goblin is all. If you haven’t heard the news, Steve will be playing keys as he temporarily fills in for Aiden Zammit as the band’s 2nd keyboard player for their upcoming US tour! See tour dates over here.
BIG MIKE FEAT. GIANNI LA BAMBA [VIDEO PREMIERE].
Posted on April 11, 2014 10 Comments
Let it be known that the promise of a better and brighter tomorrow begins with one man…Big Mike. As for today, we have the distinguished honor of premiering his debut music video for Wat sull dä Quatsch?, which in English translates to What’s All the Fuss? The song is our first glimpse at the 5-track EP he’ll be releasing soon and features beloved Italo disco pioneer Gianni La Bamba handling synth duties. This video is a very accurate depiction of a day in the life for Mike. If you’ve been a longtime apostle of Deutschland’s #1 export, you already know how crucial his gospel is to mankind. For you newcomers, let me try and spell it out to you the best way I can. But bare with me, it’s 5 a.m. as I write this passage and I’ve just reenacted everything that happens at the end of the video. Here goes nothing…
Take all your favorite wrestling legends and mash them up with a couple of heavy metal’s finest chosen warriors. Now sprinkle that with your favorite, iconic, explosive, action gurus of yesterday. Then add a gallon of Pina Colada mix. Throw all of that into a giant protein shake blender and press MIX. The concoction is now complete. What stands before you is BIG MIKE. So come with him if you want to live!
Big Mike on Facebook
Instagram @bigmikecolonia
**This just in: Big Mike will be joining Uncle TNUC next month in May for a 30-day California adventure which begins in Los Angeles. We’ll be hitting all the essential points and breaks of the western shoreline and BBD’ing any inkling of a proper long-butt that comes in our direction. We’re also conducting meet n’ greets with fans which can be arranged by emailing uncletnuc@gmail.com! Unfortunately Gianni La Bamba won’t be visiting L.A. because he’s knee-deep in a restoration project of one of his old discos in Italy (see below)**
APRIL’S DEADBEAT OF THE MONTH: CHRIS HOLMES.
Posted on April 3, 2014 6 Comments
April’s appointed deadbeat is a real humdinger. We actually almost had to interrupt in the middle of last month and pull a never-before emergency DOTM. Why the sudden urgency? We’ll get to that shortly. First, watch this infamous clip from The Decline of Western Civilization Part II: The Metal Years, a classic documentary about the LA metal scene.
[NOTE: DEADBEAT-OF-THE-MONTH is an ongoing saga giving thanks and praise to a chosen deadbeat character each month. To see the rest of em’, go here]
Former W.A.S.P. guitarist and self-proclaimed “happiest son of a bitch motherfucker that ever was” CHRIS HOLMES knows a thing or two about deadbeat life. Like many of us do this time of year, last month Chris partook in some “spring cleaning” of some prized possessions from his heavy metal glory days. Before jetting off to tour with a new band in Europe, he tapped a friend to put his 1987 Pontiac Firebird up for sale on Craigslist. Luckily for us, this precious family killwagon can be yours for the low asking price of $1,500…and it’s in tiptop shape!
If the decaying exterior/interior and rape victim seating doesn’t fill you with enough excitement, just wait until you read the full listing on Craigslist. Some highlights from that include:
“This car has never been registered in California and is doubtful that is will pass smog/emissions in its current state.”
“It does start and can be driven, although I would not attempt to drive it any distance in its current condition.”
Laugh it up, but this Firebird has been kicking dicks in the dirt for almost 30 years…and it’s owner was the mean man himself CHRIS HOLMES. Can you even fucking imagine what ruthless partying went down in and adjacent to this heavy metal machinery? This face says it all…
Hop in kids. Time for soccer practice!Not only did his friend take this touching photo of his final moments with the Firebird, but look what he did to the hood! Now you can forget about getting a paint job AND going to the car wash, ever.
For the record, crowning Chris Holmes as April’s DOTM doesn’t mean I don’t cherish and appreciate what this modern day rock-neanderthal has brought to this world. There’s nothing I’d rather do this weekend than pop a ‘lude with this wild child and float around my pool shotgunning bottles of vodka, then fire up our motorbikes and take off into the Texas sunset.
BOOF.
Posted on March 23, 2014 5 Comments
A constant heart-wrenching and crotch-tingling debate throughout society over the past 30 years has been who is truly the numero uno girl in Teen Wolf. In one corner there’s the sexy but shallow Pamela Wells and in the other corner…the cute, girl-next-door Lisa ‘Boof’ Marconi. For Uncle T, the choice was clear.
Boof, hands down. Pamela might be fun for a roll in the hay, but Boof is the one who’ll stick by your side when times are rough, play basketball with your dad after school and make out with you in a dark closet even if by chance you transform into a wolf or something.
Pamela will most likely end up cheating on you and probably has an STD that she picked up from Mick “16 going on 31” McAllister of rival high school basketball team The Dragons.
Boof also has a Phoebe Cates thing going on that I couldn’t help but immediately respond to.
Here’s Miles Goodman’s slice of music taken from the scene when her and Scott are walking home from school. Grab the track for free below, or download the entire out-of-print soundtrack here.
Hopefully one of the great vinyl soundtrack revival companies like Waxwork, Mondo or Death Waltz picks up the music from Teen Wolf and releases it in a pleasant little package with some unreleased treats. It’s an underappreciated soundtrack that deserves to be brought back to life.
MARCH’S DEADBEAT OF THE MONTH: RICHIE MADANO.
Posted on March 13, 2014 1 Comment
[NOTE: DEADBEAT-OF-THE-MONTH is an ongoing saga giving thanks and praise to a chosen deadbeat character each month. To see the rest of em’, go here]
Our choice for March is without a doubt the deadliest deadbeat in our monthly feature thus far. Folks, it’s time to sit back and rejoice in the life of Brooklyn’s most intimidating crack addict of 1991, Richie Madano.
Rather than regurgitate the entire plot of Out for Justice, i’ll stick to the cold hard facts. Richie came into this world (late eighties Brooklyn) the son of two sweet Italian immigrants. He was the brother to seedy Italian pool hall manager Vinnie and his local bed-hopper of a sister, Patti. According to local historian and cop Gino Felino, Richie was “always into bad stuff”, even in his younger days. Once drugs came into play, his viciousness took to new levels. Killing innocent people, murdering cops, smoking crack and teasing the handicapped are just some of the fun & games that Richie brought to the ol’ neighborhood during his rampage.
I suppose Richie would eventually deserve to get his ass handed to him by a New York cop that makes a beret and sleeveless t-shirt look very menacing, which is exactly what happens in the final moments of Out for Justice. Detective Gino Felino party crashes Richie’s girlfriend’s house and takes out each of Richie’s mamalukes one by one. Then using his black-belt aikido moves and every kitchen appliance available, he kills Richie by putting a corkscrew bottle opener through his head.
So what has TNUC learned from this late-great Deadbeat? Well, to this day if someone cuts me off while driving and I feel an urge to yell at them out my window, I first make sure it’s not Richie in his IROC-Z! (see consequences below).
uncletnuc.com 
