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NOVEMBER’S LOST LEGEND OF THE MONTH: BONEHEAD ROCK GUY FROM BAYSIDE HIGH.

Posted on November 12, 2015 8 Comments

Any self-respecting fan of Saved by the Bell has surely experienced “the moment” – you know, the one when your eyes begin to wander past the cool kid’s table at The Max, beyond Kelly’s locker and just over the top of Zack Morris’ blonde wave ‘do. Off in the distance you start noticing certain background characters which soon become familiar faces after binge watching episodes. One of those faces just happens to belong to our November Lost-Legend-Of-The-Month, a young long-haired barbarian who we call Bonehead Rock Guy!

Mostly seen skateboarding through hallways, leaning on lockers, snacking on fries at The Max and synchronized-head-nodding with his buds – Bonehead Rock Guy is a background character or “extra” that always left me with feelings of awe and wonder. What’s he talking about back there? How often is he in detention? Are Zack Morris and AC Slater intimidated by him? What does his van look like? (Gotta’ be a van). The duration of his appearances may be brief, but boy are they often. Below are some, but definitely not all glimpses of Bonehead Rock Guy from Season 1 of the show.

Yea…he’s EVERYWHERE. In episode 11 “The Friendship Business”, students in Mr. Tuttle’s class are asked to come up with their own companies for ‘Junior Achievement Week’. Bonehead Rock Guy and his surf shredders create the lousy company “Surf and Fold” which attempts to invent a “to-go” style surfboard that conveniently folds up for easy mobilization. Sadly the board has structural issues due to it being made of cardboard, which AC Slater points out during their presentation “if you surf on cardboard, it’ll sink!”. We’re fairly confident that his friend with the crusty flop-mop came up with this idea, not Bonehead Rock Guy.

Scenes like the one above usually result in me yelling at Zack and Slater on the TV screen…“For Christ’s sake turn around and talk to this kid. Whatever he’s trying to convince that Bayside baberino into doing is definitely 395x better than what you two bozos are begging Kelly to do. You’re blowing it.”

Even when not being chosen for games and activities, this guy always keeps a positive attitude.

ALERT: METALLICA SHIRT! There’s no question that our lost legend was Bayside’s heavy metal outlaw, but it’s proven here from this investigative research that Uncle T recently performed while watching episode 21 “House Party”, which also stars a young Tori Spelling as seen in the photo.

Whoa. Pump the breaks. Our pal suddenly has a name and it’s “JEFF”! Episode 14 begins with everyone wearing plastic hearts around their necks because the Sweetheart Dance is coming up. This is where things get interesting and also confusing…

Fast forward to Season 2 and “Jeff” suddenly delivers some actual dialogue! For a few seconds he informs Mr. Belding that the chemistry lab is on fire, then fires off the sharp one liner “got any marshmallows dude?” But…Belding calls him “Robert”, so my guess is that the writers completely forgot he was given a name just a few episodes prior. I hoped to post the clip on here but the suits at NBC Universal would have shut me down, so watch it here if you need a revisit.

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

I can’t be the only person whose eyes have drifted beyond Kelly’s pompoms to realize that life beyond Bayside’s six popular characters did exist. In fact it’s pretty hard not to notice a lot of the same extras being used repeatedly. Although Bonehead Rock Guy definitely fit the show’s ‘California surfer kid’ stereotype I think he had much more to offer than just filling in the scene. His effortless fashion sense and “too cool for school” attitude immediately jumps off the screen, attributes that elevate him to supreme status. His whereabouts remain a mystery and attempts to locate the lost legend have proven to be unsuccessful. *It should be noted that he’s uncredited from the show, even in the episode that featured him speaking!* If anyone recognizes him from somewhere else, whether it be another TV show or selling pretzels at your mall, please contact TNUC immediately!

[Lost-Legend-Of-The-Month is a heartwrenching chronicle of forgotten iconic warriors who were either wiped off the face of the planet for reasons unknown or simply never got the chance to “peak” during their short-lived careers. We cherish these individuals and devote an entire month to celebrate their impact on society. To see the rest of em’, go here.]

TNUC GOES TO HELL.

Posted on October 28, 2015 13 Comments

“Hell Ain’t a Bad Place to Be” said a salty old rock dude one time in 1977. Uncle T has been pondering if there’s actual truth to this statement. So for 2015, because its our 6th annual mix we’re sending our mascot the ‘Manimal’ south of heaven to barrel through the gates of hell for a Halloween party like no other.

In order to navigate properly, and because he seemed to have misplaced the coordinates for Satan’s kingdom, the Manimal figured he’d summon some demons to guide him down the right path. So on a recent stroll through an ancient cemetery he stopped to dance on some graves and play some air guitar under the foggy moonlight to stir up some restless spirits. Sure enough, a few evil beings showed up and basically handed him the keys to Lucifer’s lair.

Questions started to swirl around his mind. How hot is it down there? Should he bring 2-million sunblock? Does the devil ever break a sweat? What’s the big guy’s favorite monster cereal? Is hell cliquey like prison? Do all the heavy metal guys party together 24/7? Most importantly, WHO’S IN CHARGE OF PLAYING MUSIC ON HELL-O-WEEN NIGHT? Because this is the last party he wants to walk into empty handed, we brewed up a 40 minute hot cauldron of hits for Manimal to impress everyone with when he arrives (especially the lady demons). When the clock strikes midnight on Halloween Eve, this is the music that will reign down on every hellhound and hellcat down in those fiery depths. So sit back, get the fog machine ready, grab the coldest beverage in the house and join us as TNUC GOES TO HELL.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

ZOMBI – DIFFRACTION ZONE [VIDEO PREMIERE].

Posted on October 26, 2015 3 Comments

Camp TNÜC proudly presents the new ZOMBI video for “Diffraction Zone”, taken from the group’s new album Shape Shift out now via Relapse Records. Crank up that volume nob and play this one LOUD.

Order at Relapse: http://bit.ly/ZombiShapeShift
Order on iTunes: http://geni.us/ZOMBIssIT
Order on Amazon: http://geni.us/ZOMBIssAZ
Order on Google Play: http://geni.us/ZOMBIssGP
Download via Bandcamp: https://zombi.bandcamp.com

*Face-melt-finale by Odd Studio (dir. Sammy Harkham)*

SPOOKSHOW-CARNY METAL.

Posted on October 22, 2015 2 Comments

There are some things in life that you just can’t shut up about. Take for example, spookshow-carny metal like San Diego’s VICTIM. Spookshow-carny metal? If this sounds like familiar content around here, well, that’s because it is. We’ve even showcased this band before (also in October, mind you) and not to regurgitate the same content as prior years but an incident the other night left me with a new outlook..

Quick story. At a concert recently I spotted an ageing rock fan probably in his 50s or so. He had a platinum-blonde, true-blue mullet and a leather trenchcoat with…ready?…a massive AIRBRUSHED painting of Iron Maiden’s ‘Eddie’ mascot on the back. The airbrushing was PURE sleazy-neon-boardwalk style and I was floored to say the least. I meant to shake this guy’s hand, offer to buy him a beer, ask him what bridge he sleeps under at night and possibly take a photo of the jacket…but I forgot, and now live with regret. Sure, the image of this triumphant trenchcoat is burned into my brain but there’s no actual tangible evidence – and that’s a problem.

The point is, to avoid regret sometimes you just gotta’ go for it. This brings us to VICTIM, a band who released an album in 1982 called ‘Power Hungry’ that we definitely can’t shut up about any longer. Before today, we only featured one of the band’s songs on 2013’s Death to False Vamps mix. Right now it’s time to revisit this tough-as-nails performance video of the boys slicing and dicing through this incredible song.

If that video violence doesn’t give you goosebumps, you better check yourself for a pulse. The graininess of the video even adds a layer of dusty filth that you simply couldn’t create these days with a camera. Beyond the title track, VICTIM deliver a leather-clad slap to your face through every track on ‘Power Hungry’ with their oozy blend of spookshow-carny metal, as we like to call it. Just a friendly reminder for folks who might be confused, this genre we coined isn’t a category that’s a reflection of lyrical content but rather the vibe when hearing it that just evokes that gut-punching, butt-head rock blaring on loudspeakers outside funhouses during the closing hours at your local carnival…when all the managers and security are long gone. After hour activity at a traveling fair/carnival/boardwalk can be dangerous, seductive and can make for memories to be made by those who dare to venture inside. Similar to what happens in Santa Carla on the boardwalk once the sun goes down, most people flock away from these places once nighttime comes. TNUC & family are completely the opposite. We wait until the witching hour to arrive, when all the families have gone home and all that’s left are the vampires, drifters, mutants and detention-hall-delinquents — roaming the amusement rides and blasting music from boomboxes. This is when obscure bands like VICTIM are discovered booming from the stereos of local carnies.

At the end of each October – after listening to favorites by Dio, Dokken, Grim Reaper, WASP, Fastway and even the Halloween 3 and Creepshow soundtracks – these records start to grow cobwebs and this is when I turn to obscure bands like VICTIM. I highly recommend galloping into the night tonight and finding ‘Power Hungry’ from your local record dealer or guy who sells LPs and cassettes from the back of his van. If locating the vinyl LP ends up being too difficult, the cheapest and easiest way to own it is purchasing the digital version on iTunes for the little cost of $6.93. Hell, with cheap prices like that you’ll have enough money leftover to grab one of TNUC’s new merch items (t-shirts, gloves, prints & more) in our store!

The good news about traditional spookhouses, funhouses, creepshows, dark rides and wacky shacks is that these places haven’t really gone anywhere! You can still find them at most carnivals or fairs and even the classic airbrushed artwork remains most of the time. During my younger years I thought the artwork was almost too good for the actual inside attraction, but growing up has made me wise and appreciative of everything the spookhouse has to offer. While certain ones which guide you by a mechanized cart are sometimes wobbly and questionably safe, that’s part of the thrill. That cardboard Dracula spitting stale, chlorinated water in your girlfriends face? Accept it. Cherish it.

OCTOBER’S LOST LEGEND OF THE MONTH: MALI-BOO.

Posted on October 19, 2015 4 Comments

Symbols of Halloween come in all shapes and sizes. For many of us, Elvira and her big beautiful features are ideal representations of this time of year. Whether it be horror-hosting an all-night movie marathon or emerging from the foggy pale moonlight for a sexy photoshoot, the Mistress of the Dark’s contribution to all-things-spooktacular over the past 30 years is without question, legendary.

Well then, who exactly is this cool ghoul behind her on this Coors Light promotional standee??? Ladies and gentlemen, raise those cups of party punch in the air and say hello to our Lost-Legend-Of-The-Month for October, “Mali-Boo” from ‘Elvira and the Party Monsters’!

First appearing in a series of Coors Light commercials during the late 1980’s, the ‘Party Monsters’ were Elvira’s personal group of devoted disciples who danced and partied behind her wherever she went. Each of them represented iconic figures of Halloween, including a wolfman (Beer Wolf), a vampire, a few witches, a mummy and a Frankenstein-inspired character who would soon persevere to greater levels than most of his merry Monsters. (most being the word here. We all know Coors Light’s Beer Wolf would catapult to SUPREME status and certainly needs no introduction here). One of the commercials is set on “Mali-Boo Beach” and features Elvira and her pals hanging out on the beach, soaking up the cosmic rays on their dead flesh. During this scene a Frankenstein character pops up but it’s nothing to make us viewers think he’s anything else beyond some guy they plastered some Frankenstein makeup on.

Gravestone Pizza? Someone order me a large cheese because this place sounds fantastic.

Following the commercials, the gaming company Bally released the ‘Elvira and the Party Monsters’ pinball machine which found popularity in arcade centers, malls, bars and homes of people who could afford it. Again, the stone-cold-stud appeared but was merely a ghoul among other ghouls. However his rise to individual 10-second fame would come soon enough…

KABOOM. Out of nowhere Mali-Boo got his big break in an exclusive photoshoot pairing with Elvira which generated promotional items for liquor/grocery stores like the standee pictured here. Standing crotch-to-butt behind Elvira in a hot-orange “bone” tank-top, purple bat shorts, Daytona Beach shades and pumpkin ballcap, Mali-Boo looked to be in the best shape of his career and ready to rise to fame. Was this sudden push from Coors Light a sign that the company had chosen their new mascot? Were they attempting to chain up Beer Wolf and send Mali-Boo tearing into the 1990’s? Was the evolution of Mali-Boo a natural progression or conscious plan? Before we could unfold the new chapter in this green-teen’s story, he vanished.

R.I.P.?

Mali-Boo’s continuing legacy remains a mystery. This promising lost legend could have done wonders for the rest of the Party Monsters by paving the way for the rest of them to share the spotlight. (Much like how Count Chocula was the torchbearer for the rest of the General Mills cereal monsters like Boo Berry, Frute Brute, Frankenberry and Yummy Mummy.) It was easy for some people to write him off as a “fill in the spot” Frankenstein character for the Halloween season – but I don’t think the Coors Light laboratory scientists had such simple intentions. Plus, Elvira didn’t just pose with anyone. She’s the Mistress of the goddamn Dark with a reputation to withhold. Her standees are now high-dollar, sought after items and besides a few flying bats and Beer Wolf, the only other person she posed with was this beach bonehead.

Here’s hoping Mali-Boo makes a huge return in 2015/2016. Of course we’d prefer a Beer Wolf return 100x more, but really any of the Party Monsters will do (if done correctly with neon colors and short-shorts). We currently have a team of expert counselors at Camp TNÜC working around the clock trying to speak with a Coors Light representative about the fate of the Boo’. If they completely drop the ball, we’ll be contacting the soft drink company Surge to persuade them into adopting him for their promotions. You disciples will be the first to know if we hear anything.

[Lost-Legend-Of-The-Month is a heartwrenching chronicle of forgotten iconic warriors who were either wiped off the face of the planet for reasons unknown or simply never got the chance to “peak” during their short-lived careers. We cherish these individuals and devote an entire month to celebrate their impact on society. To see the rest of em’, go here.]

MONSTER MUFF.

Posted on October 13, 2015 8 Comments

Behold, the spookiest nudie spread your virgin eyes will ever see thanks to the dreamiest she-devil this side of paradise, Barbara Crampton. Note #1: the following photos feature content rated NSFW, partly due to a patch of classic monster muff from 1986. Note #2: It’s perfectly acceptable to hum the tune of ‘Monster Mash’ while replacing the words with “monster muff”.

In the December 1986 issue of Playboy, scream queen Barbara Crampton bared it all in a feature the magazine called “Simply Beastly”. Most known for starring in genre favorites like Re-Animator, Chopping Mall, From Beyond and 2011’s You’re Next – the sultry staple of the horror community made everyone’s fantasies come together by combining full frontal nudity with good ol’, pre-CGI monsters. If your initial thoughts are MARRY ME BARBARA – don’t fret because these are natural symptoms while staring at a buxom blonde surrounded by hideous rubber puppets.

It isn’t mentioned in the article but it’s fair to assume that infamous creature-feature icon Charles Band and his production company Empire Pictures wheeled some kind of deal with Playboy to make this happen. I’m actually shocked that this shoot didn’t inspire more music video directors of the era to come up with music videos pairing babes & beasts. Can you imagine a band like Ratt hiring some sexy models and making a video with Belial from Basket Case? Or how about some Critters tearing up a hotel room with Skid Row? Ronnie James Dio being chased through the woods by The Blob? It’s a complete no-brainer. Especially with Charles Band’s reputation in the horror community for going after anything he sees with a dollar sign over it. Of course they did pull this off with W.A.S.P.’s video for “Scream Until You Like It” from the Ghoulies 2 soundtrack. Pure gold.

The heavenly love nest pictured above and below are personal favorites. Ghoulies?! Yes, those slimy creatures from the Ghoulies movies climb aboard Barbara’s bed for a little between the sheets action – the best part being a ‘fish’ ghoulie checking her out while he cranks tunes on his headphones and smokes a cig.

The only thing that could have possibly made this better would be if our Boglin buddies had made an appearance. I can’t help imagining a sexy swamp shoot featuring Babs sprawled out on a raft of lily pads and those pesky Boglins making a ruckus nearby.