Behold, the spookiest nudie spread your virgin eyes will ever see thanks to the dreamiest she-devil this side of paradise, Barbara Crampton. Note #1: the following photos feature content rated NSFW, partly due to a patch of classic monster muff from 1986. Note #2: It’s perfectly acceptable to hum the tune of ‘Monster Mash’ while replacing the words with “monster muff”.
In the December 1986 issue of Playboy, scream queen Barbara Crampton bared it all in a feature the magazine called “Simply Beastly”. Most known for starring in genre favorites like Re-Animator, Chopping Mall, From Beyond and 2011’s You’re Next – the sultry staple of the horror community made everyone’s fantasies come together by combining full frontal nudity with good ol’, pre-CGI monsters. If your initial thoughts are MARRY ME BARBARA – don’t fret because these are natural symptoms while staring at a buxom blonde surrounded by hideous rubber puppets.
It isn’t mentioned in the article but it’s fair to assume that infamous creature-feature icon Charles Band and his production company Empire Pictures wheeled some kind of deal with Playboy to make this happen. I’m actually shocked that this shoot didn’t inspire more music video directors of the era to come up with music videos pairing babes & beasts. Can you imagine a band like Ratt hiring some sexy models and making a video with Belial from Basket Case? Or how about some Critters tearing up a hotel room with Skid Row? Ronnie James Dio being chased through the woods by The Blob? It’s a complete no-brainer. Especially with Charles Band’s reputation in the horror community for going after anything he sees with a dollar sign over it. Of course they did pull this off with W.A.S.P.’s video for “Scream Until You Like It” from the Ghoulies 2 soundtrack. Pure gold.
The heavenly love nest pictured above and below are personal favorites. Ghoulies?! Yes, those slimy creatures from the Ghoulies movies climb aboard Barbara’s bed for a little between the sheets action – the best part being a ‘fish’ ghoulie checking her out while he cranks tunes on his headphones and smokes a cig.
The only thing that could have possibly made this better would be if our Boglin buddies had made an appearance. I can’t help imagining a sexy swamp shoot featuring Babs sprawled out on a raft of lily pads and those pesky Boglins making a ruckus nearby.
Not sure who this pizza guy corpse is, but he’s welcome to submit an application for a kitchen job at Camp TNUC anytime. The offer is on the table!
Did these pictures get your blood pumping? Let’s end with some music to commemorate Barbara Crampton’s busty contributions to monster movies…