MONSTER MUFF.

Behold, the spookiest nudie spread your virgin eyes will ever see thanks to the dreamiest she-devil this side of paradise, Barbara Crampton. Note #1: the following photos feature content rated NSFW, partly due to a patch of classic monster muff from 1986. Note #2: It’s perfectly acceptable to hum the tune of ‘Monster Mash’ while replacing the words with “monster muff”.

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In the December 1986 issue of Playboy, scream queen Barbara Crampton bared it all in a feature the magazine called “Simply Beastly”. Most known for starring in genre favorites like Re-Animator, Chopping Mall, From Beyond and 2011’s You’re Next – the sultry staple of the horror community made everyone’s fantasies come together by combining full frontal nudity with good ol’, pre-CGI monsters. If your initial thoughts are MARRY ME BARBARA – don’t fret because these are natural symptoms while staring at a buxom blonde surrounded by hideous rubber puppets.

It isn’t mentioned in the article but it’s fair to assume that infamous creature-feature icon Charles Band and his production company Empire Pictures wheeled some kind of deal with Playboy to make this happen. I’m actually shocked that this shoot didn’t inspire more music video directors of the era to come up with music videos pairing babes & beasts. Can you imagine a band like Ratt hiring some sexy models and making a video with Belial from Basket Case? Or how about some Critters tearing up a hotel room with Skid Row? Ronnie James Dio being chased through the woods by The Blob? It’s a complete no-brainer. Especially with Charles Band’s reputation in the horror community for going after anything he sees with a dollar sign over it. Of course they did pull this off with W.A.S.P.’s video for “Scream Until You Like It” from the Ghoulies 2 soundtrack. Pure gold.

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The heavenly love nest pictured above and below are personal favorites. Ghoulies?! Yes, those slimy creatures from the Ghoulies movies climb aboard Barbara’s bed for a little between the sheets action – the best part being a ‘fish’ ghoulie checking her out while he cranks tunes on his headphones and smokes a cig.

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The only thing that could have possibly made this better would be if our Boglin buddies had made an appearance. I can’t help imagining a sexy swamp shoot featuring Babs sprawled out on a raft of lily pads and those pesky Boglins making a ruckus nearby.

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Not sure who this pizza guy corpse is, but he’s welcome to submit an application for a kitchen job at Camp TNUC anytime. The offer is on the table!

Did these pictures get your blood pumping? Let’s end with some music to commemorate Barbara Crampton’s busty contributions to monster movies…

8 Comments on “MONSTER MUFF.

  1. Do you have any insight as to why Barbara Crampton wasn’t a bigger star? She wasn’t a bad actress, really cute, clearly not afraid to take it off, but she didn’t have that many big roles. It’s a shame. I’ve just assumed she married someone who forbid her from doing nudity and she fell out of the acting scene because of that.

    • ^– I would also like to know the answer to this as well. Her movies are some of the top B horror movies and she was clearly one of the hottest vixens working in the horror industry in the ’80s. These photos will be all over the walls and bathrooms in my cabin at Camp TNUC.

  2. Sweeeet, an x-rated bed time story for only a small bunch of us at Camp Tnuc. Although the sweet babes are too cool for school, I can’t get my eyes of the Ghoulies! One has a rose in his mouth and the other is smoking a cigarette LOL. PRICELESS!!!

  3. seems to me in twenty years, when 60% of the population has surrendered to the machines, Playboy has disappeared from existence entirely and naked pictures of women are thought of the way we viewed velociraptors in our time, that a group of pre-chosen teenage miscats from a small town aided by an old computer scientist who hides the only computer available to humans, will find their way into TNUC’S lair and unearth The Good Book containing the wet dreams of humanity. Then, the Manimal, surrounded only by his horde of Babes and Beasts, will reign again.

  4. Guys, I almost came short last night! After the Manimal’s Monster Muff night time story, I asked to borrow the issue of Playboy, “Simply Beastly”. While you all were sleeping, I wanted to read a little bit more into Barbara Crampton’s appearance in the legendary magazine. I won’t lie, I needed some eye candy as well ;). Then all of a sudden I heard Cindy call my name out. She was at the window peaking into our cabin! I met Cindy the first day at Camp Tnuc in the Mess Hall during the introductions. She was into my 1985 Air Jordan’s and we connected right away. It was a close call as I smoothly tucked the magazine under my pillow before she had a closer look from the window. I saved myself as I know Counselor Manimal wouldn’t be happy that his bed time story would have leaked out from our cabin. If any one of you guys want to borrow the magazine, I have it hidden under my bed. But make it quick as I have to give the magazine back to Counselor Manimal or else….

    • Epic post D.G.S! I already ripped out the photos of mine and plastered them on the ceiling above my bunk and in our bathroom.

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