FOR THE MEMORY OF A LIFETIME.


Pre-planning a vacation for you and the family? Or just needing to escape on a solo mission? Stop for a moment to consider taking a trip far, far away from the ordinary.

This winter, TNUC cordially invites you for a time-travel-extravaganza-vacation to planet MARS. We’ve partnered up with Rekall Inc., a corporation that sells exotic and adventurous memory brain implants, to give you a vacation like never before. 

Face it, a real holiday vacation is a pain. Lousy weather, lost luggage, crooked taxi drivers. But when you travel with Rekall, every thing is perfect. Think about it, what’s exactly the same about every vacation you take? The answer is YOU. You’re the same. So why not take a vacation from yourself? Rekall can offer you alternate identities while on your trip. Why go to mars as a tourist when you can go as a playboy, famous jock or a secret agent? Sure, this type of traveling won’t surface to the general public until the year 2084, and you may have heard rumors about a first traveler who was lobotomized but…TNUC pulled some strings to bring this voyage of a lifetime to you, yes you!

Now before you bon voyage, I’d like to share some selections which I feel are healthy choices for your  journey to Mars. The first is Electric Light Orchestra’s “Letter from Spain”.  Most ELO fans loathe this song and consider it to be one of the weaker moments in the band’s catalogue. We listen to this and hear a perfect swirl of atmospherics that will serve as the pristine background music as the aircraft descends onto the surface of Mars. Gaze out the window of the shuttle and cast your eyes on the rich landscapes of this fiery planet..

Electric Light Orchestra – Letter From Spain Download link


Once you’ve settled, I recommend making your way over to the hottest night spot in downtown Venus-Ville called The Last Resort. Ask for a triple-breasted-prostitute named Mary. Tell her that TNUC sent you and she will take care of your every need. 


But this club had more to offer than just mutant-hookers. Looking back at my expedition to Mars, memories of the many endless nights I spent at The Last Resort are very hazy. The single only memory I have of this galaxy-hot-spot was when they would dim the lights at midnight. This would typically be the time that the club would drift into a sea of dance floor violence backed by a steady playlist of Italo-Mars-disco, specifically the following song which still echoes in my head to this day..

Kano – Ikeya Seki Download link


HARDBODIES.

                                                                    Hardbodies (definition) noun
                                                       1) the little foxes down at the beach

Say kids, take a lesson from main character Scotty Palmer (Grant Cramer) in this 1984 busty-bikini flick. Scotty is a local bodacious-beach-bum that undoubtedly understands life better than most people i’ve met. When Scotty isn’t spending his days defending his home shore from dweebs, geeks and weirdos, he’s scoring local beauties up and down the beach and most importantly…keeping it rad. If you’re looking for Oscar-worthy acting and groundbreaking film making, don’t go any where near this film. But if buxom babes, beer-drenched beach parties and a juicy soundtrack with songs from all-girl, hair band Vixen are any where near the top of your list, get out and pick up the triumph that is Hardbodies.

Honestly, how can you go wrong with a film that delivers full-frontal nudity before the end of the opening credits (see above clip)! For your enjoyment, here’s the theme song from the exceedingly rare soundtrack (thanks Phaota).

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STEPHEN FALKEN’S VISIONS.

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He’s 50% of The Outrunners and 100% flying through hyperspace to greet us with his debut EP, ‘Visions’. His name is Stephen Falken, a member of the spectacular Valerie Collective, and he’s here to defy the laws of time and space. His music feels like warm waves of neon meeting the spirit of John Carpenter on a dark cloud of enlightenment, making it the best early 80’s movie score you’ve never heard. It’s the precise background music for chasing a girl in your Ferrari, playing a game of cat & mouse that lasts till 4 a.m., driving at full speed only to find each other at the edge of the earth..

Listening to this 4-song album is like hearing pure light. I like to imagine this type of music being created in one of those 70’s/80’s control rooms or space stations, with blinking lights, switches and monitors stacked higher than the eye can see.

PARTY AT THE BUNDY’S!

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A little while ago the TNUC apostles had a mind-melting, grueling decision to make on “THE BATTLE OF THE KELLYS”. The question at hand was who you would rather bone.


You voted. Your voice mattered. No matter what your race, gender, social status, or economic background was, you had a right to be heard. So whether you chose Bayside’s steamy, student-council dreamboat or the Bundy homestead’s sultry, stone cold fox who puts the X in sex, you had the power to make a difference. So without further ado, here are the results.


Kelly Kapowski 60 votes (58%)
Kelly Bundy 42 votes (41%)

Looking at the outcome, something just doesn’t sit right with me. While playing coed-naked volleyball on a Malibu beach with Kapowski sounds tempting, the whole time I’d be dreaming and drooling of the thought of picking up Kelly Bundy from the mall and driving back to the Bundy residence to crank up some Anthrax and trash the living room!

So go ahead. Call her an airhead, weenie, nitwit, dip or dweeb…but this girl can party. Have a look…

This afternoon.
9764 Jeopardy Lane.
Chicago, Illinois.

Party-Till-You-Puke!

WEEPER OF THE WEEK.


John Hughes 1950 – 2009

Vacation
Sixteen Candles

The Breakfast Club
European Vacation
Weird Science
Pretty in Pink
Ferris Bueler’s Day Off
Some Kind of Wonderful
Planes, Trains & Automobiles
The Great Outdoors
Uncle Buck
Christmas Vacation
Home Alone

…just to name a few. Writer, director and producer John Hughes was able to charm an audience and enter the heart of the young like no other. He got what it was like to be a teenager and the effect of his films still resonate with so many people, including myself. I encourage anyone who’s a fan of John’s movies to read a recent tribute to him entitled Sincerely, John Hughes. This touching story about a girl who wrote letters back and forth to John also goes on to explain why he left Hollywood and about how a big reason behind his decision to give it all up was that “they” (Hollywood) had “killed” his friend, John Candy, by greedily working him too hard.

Here’s a beautiful piece of music by The Dream Academy from Planes, Trains & Automobiles. I’ve been waiting to post this on here for a while. You’ll vividly remember the scene when you hear the song. 



UNCLE TNUC, descendant of Uncle Buck.

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