SWAYZE Category

THE SWAYZE ESTATE AUCTION.

Living in Los Angeles has its advantages. The other night while drinking a beer the kitchen I overheard a newscaster on the TV in the next room talking about a “Patrick Swayze Estate Auction” being held at a space literally 15 minutes from the TNUC lair. My jaw dropped and I did a cartwheel into the […]

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FEBRUARY’S LOCAL HOT SPOT OF THE MONTH: THE DOUBLE DEUCE.

IT HAD TO BE DONE. The original honky-tonk slaughterhouse! The place they sweep up the eyeballs after closing! The only establishment where you can get laid, smash bottles over stranger’s heads, walk around shirtless and get into a fight all under a single roof! Ladies and gentlemen, for February’s Local-Hot-Spot-Of-The-Month, please climb in the back […]

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MACHO LUNCH.

Brute strength. Immense power. Blockbuster explosiveness. Hot lunch. Just the other day this take-out pizza menu landed on my doorstep, featuring some of TNUC’s favorite action gurus sitting on top of an I-beam munching on burgers, fries, pizza and calzones. I could sit here with a straight face and attempt to tell you that it […]

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JANUARY’S DEADBEAT OF THE MONTH: STEVE THE BOUNCER.

[NOTE: DEADBEAT-OF-THE-MONTH is an ongoing saga giving thanks and praise to a chosen deadbeat character each month. To see the rest of em’, go here] Trying to choose a favorite deadbeat from Road House is like trying to choose a favorite hair pie from all the sorority girls at Pi Delta Pi. It’s a dirty and daunting job, but someone’s gotta’ do it. For January’s chosen […]

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BEER BELL.

What your witnessing here today is no dream. It’s absolutely real and it’s definitely happening. A beer glass…a dumbbell…a BEER BELL. Here we have, sent down from the heavens, a weightlifting/alcohol-consuming device that is simply the key to all greatness. A beer glass firmly sealed to the top of a 1 1/4 lbs dumbbell, crucial […]

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