FEBRUARY’S LOCAL HOT SPOT OF THE MONTH: THE DOUBLE DEUCE.
IT HAD TO BE DONE.
The original honky-tonk slaughterhouse! The place they sweep up the eyeballs after closing! The only establishment where you can get laid, smash bottles over stranger’s heads, walk around shirtless and get into a fight all under a single roof! Ladies and gentlemen, for February’s Local-Hot-Spot-Of-The-Month, please climb in the back of Uncle T’s 1964 Buick Riviera for a long, smokey ride into the belly of Jasper, Missouri as we closely examine the DOUBLE DEUCE.
*Ease the seat back, reach for a Miller Genuine Draft longneck (sober disciples can grab a cup of stale black coffee), tear open the shittiest cigarettes money can buy and get ready to enter our favorite “hot spot” of all eternity.*
Before we begin I’d like to note that watching Road House is way more than just watching some movie. The energy of these scenes makes me feel like I’m a spectator at a concert or some sort of live action, once in a lifetime event. Sometimes I refuse to believe that these people are actors. Really WATCH these people. When was the last time you saw this many realistic looking deadbeats in a movie? They’re like the drunks that hang around with that uncle your family barely visits. Not people you should follow, but absolutely worth listening to and examining. Then add the bluesy, no-bullshit attitude of the songs playing in the movie and it’s just a pure spectacle. It’s nasty…it’s dangerous, but at the same time comforting, if that makes any sense.
DANCING SHIRTLESS GUY.
The Double Deuce(s) were the mecca of deadbeats and lost legends. We pluralize it because to truly honor the legacy of the place, everyone needs to come to terms that there are TWO Double Deuce bars. One, the snake-piss sleazefest at the beginning of Road House and two, the place that was cleaned up by philosopher-turned-bouncer, Dalton. Although it was sad to bid farewell to that drunken hellhole/degenerate nest from the beginning of the film, the newly reformed DD still packed plenty of good intended sleaze – only this time you could make it to last call without catching herpes. Rock on!
Enter at your own risk. Prepare to be engulfed with smoke and watch out for flying beer bottles!
“Ooooh, Mercedes. Hey hot shot, what’s wrong with De-troit cars?!”
Amazing blind guitarist Jeff Healey and his band perform behind chicken wire in hopes to shield them from being pelted with beer bottles and cigarette butts while doing their damnedest to entertain folks. Tough crowd!
Another hot night at the Deuce! DANCING SHIRTLESS GUY AGAIN.
“I get off at 2:00 and I would just love to get you off about a half hour after that.”
Drunk guy passed out on the bar!
Classic scene when the bar’s manager changes ‘FOR A GREAT FUCK’ to ‘FOR A GREAT BUICK’. A closer look reveals other amusing graffiti like ‘hairpie’, ‘eat this’, ‘take a chance Linda’ and more.
“Ever seen a fairer pair of attitudes? For twenty bucks, you can kiss ’em!” Check out the receding hairline creeper to the left.
Question on the job application for being a bouncer at the Double Deuce: “Can you hoist people up in the air and toss them into tables?”. Needless to say, Morgan got the job. Even DANCING SHIRTLESS GUY looks impressed.
Typical night at the DD. Check out Morgan on the right still tossing customers over his head. In the world of wrestling that’s called a ‘gorilla press slam’. Oh, and he’s wearing giant wrestling boots.
Dalton’s not amused. Passed out drunk guy couldn’t care less.
ONLY American beer on tap (Miller Genuine Draft and Miller Lite).
Local horny bimbos are always a plus.
Underage girls using Sear’s credit cards as I.D.’s, then getting snuck in by Steve the bouncer.
Ah yes, Steve the bouncer. He’s caught with his “regular Saturday night thang” in the back by Dalton and fired on the spot. Slightly harsh call. Steve was one of our most beloved Deadbeats of the Month in 2014.
ONLY American vehicles in the Deuce parking lot…including a Ford Bronco, Ford “Bigfoot” and a ton of Buicks.
These are of course just glimpses into the depravity found at the original DD. Like Dalton says, “there are way too many 40-year old adolescents, felons, power drinkers and trustees of modern chemistry”. As for the renovated Double Deuce, a slew of new features were introduced including red polo shirts, a carpeted stage, removal of the chicken wire, neon signs, friendlier clientele and a certain mystical icon known as WADE GARRETT.
It’s hard for TNUC to casually sit down and watch Road House. As soon as Jeff Healey’s guitar starts and I hear a punching/jabbing sound effect, I’m forced to start drinking and raise my fist in the air. Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever watched Road House completely sober.
Thanks for reading about February’s notorious, local hot-spot. Don’t forget to check out last month’s hot spot while you’re here!
Yes! One of the greatest movies. Awesome local hot spot, Uncle T. Hey, buddy, what are you doin’? Are you gonna kiss ’em or not? I can’t. What do you mean, you can’t? I ain’t got 20 bucks.
And the DANCING SHIRTLESS GUY cracks me up every time I see him. It’s great you pointed him out as well. By day, he’s probably a local Jasper construction worker, but by night, the shirt pops off and he’s a party MANIMAL picking up local babes at the DD.
Oh yea, he’s absolutely in construction. Probably something like installing vinyl siding for residential homes. Something almost mindless, that way he can get trashed at the DD every night and show up to work right on time.
I often wonder to myself at times, if Wade Garrett was on the door at the Double Deuce, would he have sacked Steve for getting his end away? I’d like to think Wade would’ve settled for a few sleazy stories later on at the bar and maybe try and wing his way into a threesome the following Saturday.
Nice thought and thanks for commenting. Personally I don’t think Wade Garrett would’ve gave a rat’s ass about Steve porking the girl in the closet. At least he’d probably give him another chance, hang out together, went on a few night prowls.
Waiting in line for Karen Hatfield’s salted caramel sticky pecan babka is more than worth it. The tomato-onion tart, buttercup bun and rye chocolate chip cookie are all also delicious. Check the great sandwiches too, like the roast turkey, one of the best in town. And that patio is the perfect place to catch more sun.