JANUARY’S DEADBEAT OF THE MONTH: STEVE THE BOUNCER.

[NOTE: DEADBEAT-OF-THE-MONTH is an ongoing saga giving thanks and praise to a chosen deadbeat character each month. To see the rest of em’, go here]

Trying to choose a favorite deadbeat from Road House is like trying to choose a favorite hair pie from all the sorority girls at Pi Delta Pi. It’s a dirty and daunting job, but someone’s gotta’ do it.

For January’s chosen one, we’ve selected Steve, former bouncer of legendary honky tonk slaughterhouse the Double Deuce. I had reservations about choosing Steve among the sea of deadbeat-low-lifes in this movie because in my eye he appears to be a pretty likable guy. Let’s comb over the facts and understand why:

• He puts the ladies at #1.
• He gets paid to beat people up.
• He wears cut-off shirts to work.
• He does his job, but never tries too hard.
• He cares about his image, specifically his face as seen after he roughs up his cheek during the first barroom brawl and is heard asking very angrily, “DOES ANYONE HAVE A MIRROR?!”
• He treats eligible ladies to a hot night out at the DOUBLE DEUCE. Yes, the same place that sweeps the eyeballs off the floor after closing. Hey lucky ladies…drop your pants and give this degenerate a chance!

Based on the above information it’s clear that Uncle T and Steve share some of the same moral beliefs, but sadly for most of society…he’s a textbook deadbeat. After sneaking two underage girls with ridiculously fake ID’s (Sears credit cards) into the Double Deuce, about a minute passes and we see Steve giving one of the ladies his Saturday-night-beef-injection in a nearby stock room.

I’ll go on record right now and say that the only mistake Dalton made during his debut performance at the Double Deuce was firing Steve. You can tell by the smirk on his face that a part of him definitely admires Steve. He had a job to do and the bulk of those duties was to clean the joint up, but that smirk totally says “I get it”. Let’s turn the tables for a moment…if Elizabeth Clay had lured Dalton into some dirty closet and pulled up that tablecloth dress of hers, “no” wouldn’t be a word found in Dalton’s dictionary. If nothing else Steve at least brought some positivity to the Double Deuce. I for one can’t fault this guy for being at the sexual peak in his life and simply capitalizing on what nightlife in Jasper, Missouri had to offer.

So here’s to you, Steve – a dedicated deadbeat that secured a #1 spot on our January calendar. Speaking of which, who reading this right now would be interested in a 2014 DEADBEAT-OF-THE-MONTH calendar? I already have each and every sleazeball identified for the entire year…so it could happen.

Remember to pay your respects to our former deadbeats at this location!