MACHO LUNCH.

Brute strength. Immense power. Blockbuster explosiveness. Hot lunch.

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Just the other day this take-out pizza menu landed on my doorstep, featuring some of TNUC’s favorite action gurus sitting on top of an I-beam munching on burgers, fries, pizza and calzones. I could sit here with a straight face and attempt to tell you that it had arrived from some other dimension, a version of “heaven” if you will, one that’s home to action’s top macho men hanging out on construction sites eating junk food. Truth be told, the menu came to me from our friend at It Came From the VCR, who got it from someone in France.

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Aside from Van Damme who looks really pissed off, everyone else is in good spirits, eating lunch and probably talking about working out, their favorite 80’s robots, who had the best montages and how many of them slept with Brigitte Nielsen. Schwarzenegger looks the most accurate, evoking the spirit of that big goofy foreign worker who shows up to the jobsite his 1st day wearing massive overalls and nothing underneath. He’s a little dumb but works hard and is happy to be there. Mel Gibson just looks high and Jack Nicholson is wasted beyond belief. Sly Stallone looks to be their fast-food-foreman, swinging around the iron like Tarzan with one hand on a suspension cable and the other on a pizza box.

stars on top
The menu is in French so the only words I can make out are some of the combination plates, which include “La Chuck Norris” (tomate, fromage, boeuf hache, poulet, chorizo, olives, origan) and a pizza called “La Stalone” (Creme, lardons, oignons, fromage, olives, origan). The artwork is wacky but impressive. Whoever came up with this concept must have dreamed of it being presented beyond a 1″ x 6″ take-out menu. But then something came to mind…

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It took me a few minutes before realizing this photo looked familiar. If you’ve ever visited a contractor’s office, you’ve probably seen this classic photo from 1932 which is called “Lunch Atop a Skyscraper”. The photo shows New York construction workers taking their lunch break up hundreds of feet in the air above the ground while building Rockefeller Center.

Doing a little research on the action hero version will guide you to a German artist by the name of Serdar Hizli, who was inspired by the original photo to paint his own version, (seen here in full), which sold over 3,000,000 copies worldwide in 1995. While the full version features 13 of the film industry’s biggest stars, it inspired Uncle T to come up with his own rendition. Here’s who would show up on the official TNUC poster…

From left to right: Patrick Swayze, Malibu (American Gladiators), Dolph Lundgren, The Barbarian Brothers, Santa Carla’s Vampires, Brian Bosworth (w/ pet Komodo dragon), Beer Wolf, Chainsaw & Dave (Summer School), Big Mike and The Manimal.

5 Comments on “MACHO LUNCH.

  1. Are you shitting me!? We’ve got to figure out a way to get the Uncle TNUC, “Lunch Atop a Skyscraper,” painting/photo made somehow. I would hang this in my living room!

  2. The lunch menu is not from Canada? Hell I got dibs on the franchise baby! It’s going to be the Planet Hollywood of Pizza’s! I’d make every delivery driver wear a leather jacket & sun glasses like Arnold in Terminator. Every pizza box would be covered in pink,green and orange neon colors with a splash of baby blue. After handing the pizza box to customers, delivery drivers would say, “I’ll be back”. If you call in and we’re busy, the on-hold music would be “Power of Love” by Huey Lewis and the New’s and I’d personally contact Michael J. Fox aka Marty McFly for a personalized “Star Pizza” on-hold message!

    “Wait a minute, Doc. Are you telling me that you built a time machine… out of a Pizza Box?!” – Marty McFly

  3. man this takes me back. must have been ’94. I’d come home from school, black eye, sore crotch from getting hit against the flagpole and $5 short that Tommy Madden would steal from me and spend on that slut Tina Haggart (she’s dead now). For years I would sit to do my homework and stare at this painting that sat as my desk-mat and daydream how pack trained me on how to escape nuclear explosions, build skycrapers, live off brisket sandwiches and macaroni salad washed down with a swig of Teacher’s and demolish Tommy’s face to a pulp – all at 1200ft in the air!
    this should hang on every self-respecting man’s wall always facing north and should come with a warning: scathing violence and deli food area. approach at your own risk.

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