NOVEMBER’S LOCAL HOT SPOT OF THE MONTH: THE VIDEO RENTAL STORE.
Posted on November 17, 2016 5 Comments
Your bored and have nothing to do. Nowhere to go. Not old enough to drive but still too young for permission to walk around town. Then suddenly, your sister screeches up the driveway in the wood-paneled, family station wagon and calls out to you…
“HEY LET’S GO TO THE VIDEO STORE”
Whether it was Blockbuster or the little ratty video store on the corner with the grumpy desk clerk who also sold cigarettes and rubbers, EVERYONE misses video rental stores. The current age of “movie browsing convenience at your fingertips” will never hold a candle to walking those carpeted aisles of endless VHS wonder. The ritual of physically walking into a video store to choose a movie is something we didn’t even realize at the time was so precious.
Anyone remember TNUC’s Love Letter to Blockbuster? That was basically our attempt at an apology on behalf of all the online bashing the video rental legend received from whiny nerds who somehow were still complaining about their “bad experiences” at Blockbuster back in the day. Mind you, this was also happening while the business was rotting away and slowly closing their stores. Soulless idiots!
I have just as many fond memories of browsing rows of VHS covers at the mom n’ pop rental places as I do at Blockbuster. When I was in 5th grade I clearly remember reaching into the bargain bin at our Blockbuster and pulling out a copy of Surf Nazis Must Die for $2.99. Normally I’d be too intimidated by horror titles to actually rent one during that time, and browsing around just staring at them was enough excitement. But a Nazi with a robotic hand and machine gun, surfing a wave over a babe looking up in pure terror? Count me in.
There are many things these days that instantly remind me of being at the video store. Fake-buttery popcorn, microwaved pizza, clam-shell plastic, weird carpet smells…the list is massive. Also whenever I see those rubbery Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles from from the 1990 movie…instant video store dreams.
One strange memory that sticks out in my mind from video store days, which would actually foreshadow an obsession later down the road, was this:
I’ll never forget combing the action/adventure section and seeing 1987’s THE BARBARIANS staring right back at me. I’d usually do one of those quick looks back and forth while moving down the aisle, excited but a little uncomfortable at what I was looking at. It isn’t everyday a 9 year old comes across an image of oily, bulging twin meatballs in loin cloths.
Are there any video rental locations still in operation where you live? Did your local shop have an adult XXX section with those bizarre saloon doors? Tell TNUC everything in the comment section!
† R.I.P. †
[Local-Hot-Spot-Of-The-Month is a adrenaline-thrusting history lesson and celebration of signature hangout spots one might recognize from television, film or real life. Our objective is to not just rediscover and dissect these places, but more importantly create a feeling like you’re really there. Take your time with these entries. Hang out. Turn some music on.
To visit the rest of ’em, go here.]
CRUDE DUDE RECORD REVIEW #5.
Posted on November 10, 2016 3 Comments
Winger’s sistine chapel of their impressive but misunderstood legacy was the band’s third album, Pull. The only problem? It came out in 1993.
Poor bastards…they never stood a chance.
CRUDE DUDE RECORD REVIEW #5
WINGER – PULL
Review by: Uncle TNUC
First, please excuse the horrendous album cover. What was with bands during this time suddenly changing their logos and releasing dull album artwork? This dreary look may have worked for Alice in Chains, but not so much here.
To be perfectly honest, Pull was my Winger gateway drug. I was familiar with the band’s bigger hits, but this album really slapped the sense into me that these boys were not fucking around. This wasn’t Warrant or Bang Tango. Just listening to the fusions of styles and technical skill that Winger brought to this record, I quickly realized the magnitude of talent within this band. It also occurred to me that this notion probably went over a number of people’s heads during that latter part of the decade.
The big difference between Pull and the previous two records is the meatier sound and muscly production. It’s still the Winger we all know, but more aggressive and packed with louder, thicker grooves. Again similar to many of these Crude Dude reviews, the band had clearly gravitated to a “bigger” sound and were undoubtedly at the top of their game.
It’s a shame Pull went unnoticed by so many because once again, if record labels and mainstream radio weren’t humping the leg of grunge so hard, the album would’ve reached more listeners and been more successful. Fans would’ve grasped onto the fact that Winger had morphed into a guitar-squealing wrecking machine by album numero 3. I’m serious. Any existing pop comparisons to bands like Poison and Bon Jovi would be silenced and slit at the throat from these 10 songs.
Find a rock record with a juicer, slicker production and I will grant you the keys to TNUC’s freshly waxed 4×4. You won’t! It’s one my most beloved heavy metal albums and it sits comfortably beside my favorite Mötley, Def Lep and WASP albums. But Winger are a band still rarely lumped in with those bands. How come?
Three reasons.
#1 Their early successful hits “Seventeen” and “Headed for a Heartbreak” came at a time in 1988 when the dynamic in heavy metal, hair metal, hard rock (whatever you call it) was changing. More and more bands were dropping their glam/pop sensibilities and adopting a rougher edge thanks to Guns N’ Roses exploding. With these initial two hits, Winger earned early success but rock fans didn’t take them seriously enough to leave a lasting impression. Due to this disconnect, people didn’t realize there was way more to this band beneath the surface. In reality Winger could run CIRCLES around most bands of that era, talent wise. They also had a progressive-rock edge to them which is seldom talked about!
#2 Kip Winger’s hunky qualities complete with that pearly white smile threw a large number of dudes off. While the ladies ached and swooned at the sight of this great rock vocalist twirling around on stage and humping the air, some of the male audience tuned out. It was a blessing but perhaps a curse as well. I for one never understood this. I can switch from Slayer and Obituary to Winger with ease. Never an issue. (The red hot rocker did actually pose for Playgirl in the May 1991 issue. Again, no issue with Uncle T as he has three copies at home.)
#3 It’s been well documented that Winger’s career took a serious plunge thanks to that no-talent turd Mike Judge (creator of Beavis & Butt-head). When the show decided to have the wet noodle character “Stewart” always wearing a Winger shirt, the overall message was that Winger were probably uncool. While the Beavis & Butt-head characters wore Metallica and AC/DC merch, the dweeb of the show walked around in a Winger shirt. Shitty move.
Common denominator of all these reasons? Bad timing.
Turn the clock back four years and a song like ‘Spell I’m Under’ would’ve achieved monster ballad success. Listening now leaves me baffled and a little emotionally scarred that it didn’t dominate radio and knock some moody grunge stuff off the charts in ’93. Blame the media! This song should have spent years rocking hot dates, prom nights, basement make-out parties and Friday nights at “the point”.
This is an album that needs to be listened to in full. Do yourself a favor and pick up Pull at your local record shop or Amazon, which probably won’t run you over $2. If you happen to be in the Los Angeles area this weekend, Winger are playing a show at the world famous Whiskey a Go Go on the Sunset Strip tomorrow night! (11/11/2016) Come find Uncle T trying to split a pizza with Kip Winger down the street at the Rainbow Bar & Grill before the gig.
||| What is this “Crude Dude era” we speak of? Read our official manifesto at this location to understand everything about this crucially important array of bodacious bands + albums! |||
NIGHT BEAST II.
Posted on October 26, 2016 12 Comments
The other weekend I was visiting my Uncle Frank up the coast near Santa Carla. He’s an old burnout and metalhead from the 80s AND he has a pretty sweet condo on the beach – so I’m up there often to explore the boardwalk, scope out babes and have a few cold ones with the big guy.
There I was, hanging around Saturday afternoon while he was out at a lecture on crystals or some shit, and I decided to snoop around a bit – he was an aging bachelor after all, who knows what kind of saucy delights he had stashed. One Penthouse and two dusty old Quaaludes later, I was feeling pretty righteous. Craving some tunes, I moved on to a bin of old CDs and tapes he had. It was a veritable treasure trove: Ratt, Trixter, Fastway – the sort of greasy Neanderthal rock my uncle always had blaring from his 1985 Pontiac Trans Am.
Near the bottom of the stash was another cassette that upon discovering made the hair on my arms rise. The artwork featured a raging wolf creature – jaws curled in a bloodthirsty scream towards a pale yellow moon. I opened up the case to find a tape with a handwritten label bearing NIGHT BEAST II.
Now I’m an aficionado of all things slime and spooky – but this listening experience was hard to describe. There was fire, forests, fiends and the howling of creatures that I had never seen or heard before. So, I did what I felt would be best for the disciples and copied it for you to investigate. Is there something going on with this tape? It’s that time of year again when the veil between the world of the living and that of the dead is at its thinnest, leaving us with a prime opportunity to explore the realm of NIGHT BEAST II.
1) VINCENT PRICE INTRO
2) SORCERY – I’M BACK
3) SAVATAGE – POWER OF THE NIGHT
4) DENNIS MICHAEL TENNEY – THE BEAST INSIDE
5) METAL CHURCH – START THE FIRE
6) MECO – BAD MOON RISING
7) FASTWAY – AFTER MIDNIGHT
8) ICON – OUT FOR BLOOD
9) SORCERY – RAINBOW EYES
10) OZZY OSBOURNE – WAITING FOR DARKNESS
11) DANCE WITH THE DEAD – WATCHING YOU
12) JAY CHATTAWAY – MAKING THE SILVER BULLET
††† HAPPY HALLOWEEN! †††
[…And don’t forget about part 1 of this saga: 2014’s The Night Beast! Listen here.]
OCTOBER’S LOCAL HOT SPOT OF THE MONTH: (REVISITING) SPOOKY WORLD!
Posted on October 20, 2016 12 Comments
Longtime readers of this sacred land should know how near and dear the original SPOOKY WORLD aka “America’s Horror Theme Park” is to my heart. For years I’ve reminisced about how special Spooky World’s original Berlin, Massachusetts establishment was, while building a collection of nostalgic artifacts from eBay, Etsy and unearthed gold at yard sales (usually supplied by East coast TNUC fans…thanks disciples!)
Spooky World was one of the first major haunted attractions in America back in 1991. For roughly 7 years the popular spookhouse frightened and delighted patrons with their impressive hayrides, haunted barn, animatronics and mini horror shows. Special guests visited regularly for signings including Elvira, Kane Hodder (Jason Voorhees), Tom Savini, Linda Blair, Tiny Tim, Robert Englund, Alice Cooper and many others.
It was by no means a perfectly organized and flawless haunt, but what Spooky World lacked in perfection they made up for with charm and a natural, eerie atmosphere, something so many haunts these days tend to be lacking. There was also a sense of danger and uneasiness that lurked in the air, especially during the hayride. With lighting kept to a minimum and gore/costumes/effects obviously restricted to a tight budget, somehow all of this generated a more seedy vibe for the whole experience. Were the blades on that chainsaw actually removed or not? Probably, yes…but these were the beginning days of haunted attractions and much of what people were seeing in front of them was new and therefore a bit shocking at times.
The property itself was set on an old farm in Western Massachusetts, an area that during daylight hours is a beautiful, picturesque version of Autumn. However when night falls, cold winds and the woodsy ruralness of the location made for an evening already dark and full of terrors.
If you haven’t been to Massachusetts in October and call yourself a big Halloween fan, I can’t stress how badly you NEED to visit there during this time of year. Amidst the crisp air and smell of dead leaves there’s a sense of genuineness that cannot be described in words. The old graveyards, ‘real’ hauntings, SALEM, Native American burial grounds and the state’s ancient history just flat out honor the state as the spirit of Halloween.
So I felt a little bummed continuing our “Local Hot Spot of the Month” feature for 2016 and entering October without inducting Spooky World. But then an idea hit me…
LET’S DRIVE OUT TO THE OLD SPOOKY WORLD BARN.
I knew the address and how to get there, but what would actually be standing 20 years after they were shut down? During the late nineties the place relocated and as years progressed, the original creators left the business. These days the venue operates under the Spooky World title somewhere up in New Hampshire but it’s charm is long gone…don’t be fooled.
So on a recent trip back East, we decided to take the drive…
UPDATE! IT’S STILL FUCKING THERE.
I was absolutely stunned to see the building still standing. Shockingly enough even the red paint on the old barn remained. As I made my way around the property, the perimeter of the barn was mostly covered in overgrown weeds while a dilapidated stairwell and broken windows could be seen on the entrance side.
As I stood and waited for a corpse to crawl out from underneath that staircase, a family member shouted for me to come check out something. So I crept over to the backside of the largest building and saw something that made this entire trip even more worthwhile…
Old paintings!
This was the last thing I would’ve guessed would still exist. Perfectly airbrushed horror artwork just sitting there untouched by humans or unchanged from the elements. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. For over 20 years this demon, reaper and gargoyle have sat on a rotting building and no one’s done or said squat about it until now (Trust me I’ve done my homework). A pure holy grail for TNUC.
Apparently in 1993 an artist named Ed Beard Jr. painted these pieces. Mr. Beard is a seasoned professional who’s been painting dragons, motorcycles and other radical airbrush murals for the industry over the past 33 years.
Just when I thought there couldn’t be anything else that survived two decades, I noticed in the distance a small shed which I figured was nothing but a home for rats and the possible town drunk/hermit.
Inside the shed through a thick glob of cobwebs I found even more wall artwork. The airbrushed style totally almost made me tear up as it brought back memories of county fair spookhouses and dark rides at the carnival! I pretended for a moment that sweet aromas of fried dough and cider donuts filled the air even though all I was sniffing was rotted wood and must.
What’s this now…20+ year old props? Laying on a barrel of toxic waste? What good deeds have I done in this life to deserve a day like this?
Possibly the most fitting part of the day was finding an old Papa Gino’s pizza banner in this nasty old shed. Papa Gino’s is of course the most popular pizza chain in Massachusetts and is quite a force to be reckoned with. Lil’ TNUC grew up scarfing this very pizza every Friday night and had a growing collection of those plastic pizza toppers (who knows why).
More haunted pizza.
I circled around the building a few more times, looking for a window to peek inside. In my wildest dreams I wanted to see a giant wood-paneled wall of vintage rubber masks, Elvira standees, buckets of fake blood, buckets of green ooze, animatronic bats, chainsaw accessories, Good Guy dolls, an untouched Spooky World merchandise table and Fastway’s “Trick or Treat” soundtrack blasting on repeat while Linnea Quigley performed dance aerobics.
It was fascinating to visit a structure that has virtually gone untouched for so many years. I’m planning on contacting the current owner of the property to see if we can open up those creaky doors and take a look inside. Then maybe Uncle T can move back, buy the property and re-open the old haunt under new management, the same old charm and a new name: “TRICK R’ TNUC”.
† † †
[Local-Hot-Spot-Of-The-Month is a adrenaline-thrusting history lesson and celebration of signature hangout spots one might recognize from television, film or real life. Our objective is to not just rediscover and dissect these places, but more importantly create a feeling like you’re really there. Take your time with these entries. Hang out. Turn some music on.
To visit the rest of ’em, go here.]
MONSTER FACE.
Posted on October 12, 2016 3 Comments
It’s time to talk about one of Hasbro Toys’ greatest creations, Monster Face!
For those who don’t know or need a good memory slap, Monster Face was a giant skull head which you could assemble yourself using over 30 frightful facial parts, including monster glop (ooze), blisters, spiders, worms, scars, a movable jaw, mohawk hair and glow-in-the-dark fangs! In every description of Monster Face on the internet, he’s referred to as a “monster version of Mr. Potato Head”, but that’s a lazily lame description because in actuality he was SO MUCH MORE.
It all began at Christmas of ’92, a holiday morning Uncle T will surely never forget. Streams of red + green wrapping paper violently flew through the living room as a giant neon box with the words MONSTER FACE and a demented skeleton squash on the front appeared before him.
This toy definitely wasn’t something you set up once and let it rot on a shelf, waiting for his white boney head to turn yellow from the sun. This rad bastard was made to be experimented with over and over again, with guaranteed fun times like making slime pour out the side of his head, to controlling the jaw for him to host your own “Midnight Hour with Monster Face” in front of a packed crowd in your bedroom (your grandmother).
I’m not really sure how I tipped off Santy Claus about this guy, but if I had to guess, I’d say it was either from seeing him in the Sear’s holiday wishbook (AKA The Toy Bible) or from this commercial:
I can’t think of any toys that could be brought to life more than this cool ghoul. Hours and hours were easily burned by doing your best Dr. Frankenstein impression and morphing him into whatever nasty mutation you desired. Also figuring out how each of the control mechanisms worked, like creating bubbling boils by placing a layer of clay over a compartment filled with ooze, then pumping it at the base to make the wound fester. If you really cherished Monster Face like Uncle T did, playing with this toy might as well have been an intro course to practical gore effects (for ages 5 & up).
Wait. What’s this? A GOOSEBUMPS RIPOFF?
Not exactly. In 1994, a few years after Hasbro, Inc. purchased Tonka Corporation (which included Kenner Toys), the company restructured the corporation into two groups – the Hasbro Games Group (Parker Brothers and Milton Bradley) and the Hasbro Toy Group (Kenner, Tonka and Playskool). Under the Kenner name they redesigned Monster Face into the Goosebumps Monster Head Maker, capitalizing on the smash success of the R.L. Stine book collection.
At first glance the two toys appear to be identical, minus the fancy new box illustrations and purple base for his squash. Looking into it a bit further, one very cool difference was that Mr. Head could be transformed into one of your favorite Goosebumps monster!
Borrowed from the Monster Head Maker instructions (download PDF)
What better way to intensify those nightmarish thoughts after reading Goosebumps by breeding one of the book’s monsters at home? With the included sculpting scalpel you could also now create ghoulish gore effects like blisters, welts and maggot mounds. Best of all, the modeling clay didn’t dry out. C’mon now, how long did clay really last from some of your other toys before it was smudged across the carpet or lodged in the vacuum?
∴ ∴ ∴
So…now the burning question, why isn’t TNUC’s own Monster Face pictured here? Well, I just recently found out MY MOM GAVE IT AWAY. Excuse me why I climb to the top of the Camp TNUC flagpole and jump off.
[Don’t forget, our new t-shirts are still on sale! CLICK HERE]
RAFT ROCK.
Posted on October 10, 2016 7 Comments
Think we could go a whole October without talking about Creepshow? Not a chance.
Not only are these movies still the greatest horror anthologies to date, but back in nineteen-eighty something these films provided a gateway into the horror genre for a pint-sized-demon named TNUC. Bare with me, I know we’ve brought up Creepshow multiple times, but I promise this post delivers.
From of all the segments, “The Raft” was the one I could never turn away from if I happened to catch it on TNT’s MonsterVision while flipping channels and wolfing down Spaghetti-o’s late at night. The film’s daytime scenes with teenagers smoking weed, rocking out and heading to the lake was the perfect trick to lure me over to the couch and demand my full undivided attention.
By the time the lake muck started devouring the promiscuous teens, I was pretty wrecked. The story’s simple concept struck a nerve and left me thinking about it for days.
One of the things hardcore Creepshow disciples have always longed for was a decent soundtrack release for it’s sequel, Creepshow 2. The first film had an original vinyl release featuring the outstanding score by John Harrison. Then just a couple years ago Waxwork Records put together a special edition of that score, featuring every cue of the film score mastered directly from the lost master tapes.
With the successful follow-up sequel in 1987 featuring original music by Rick Wakeman and other anonymous artists that fans still seek information about, you’d think something would have showed up by now. Especially during this age of soundtrack/score-mania. Well, this season at Camp TNUC that’s partly what happened…
Fans of “The Raft”: Listen Up! One of our counselors was partying by an abandoned lake last weekend and found old rusted out Chevy Camaro buried beneath weeds and deadfall. After some extensive restoration of the vehicle – which included a ceremony featuring demonic chanting, lighting bolts and wind storms – the only part able to be resurrected was a tape cassette found in the deck!
So without further ado, here are the (3) exceedingly rare songs that Randy, Lavern and the others were blasting in the Camaro before getting eaten by the sludgy lake creeper!
To the best of our knowledge, these haven’t been available to the public until the moment they were brought back to life in Uncle T’s shop class. If we’re violating some kind of copyright regulation, please speak up. Otherwise, download these tracks immediately for your next trip to an abandoned ancient lake.
uncletnuc.com 