WET-HOT-TNUC-SUMMER, PART 5.

It’s been a while since a new batch of HOT-WET-TNUC-SUMMER songs showed up around here, but don’t think for a minute that it had something to do with a lack of ruthless tunes each summer. The reason for the absence was because Uncle T has been locked in summer school the past couple years after setting the high school record for cherry bombs going off in the toilets.

So it appears that we’re long overdue to get wet! Here’s a personal list of sweaty scorchers perfect for any occasion…Ripping down the slip ‘n slide into kiddie pool full of sudsy beer? Check. The head lifeguard asking you to spread lotion on her back while all the preppies from class stare at you in a jealous rage? Double check. Rope swinging into the lake while wearing your new neanderthal loin cloth? Triple check.

#1 Joseph Williams – Turn It Up

Hot nights at summer camp start with songs just like this. Whether it’s peeping around the girls’ outdoor shower area, sending Counselor Donahue’s underpants up the flagpole or sneaking out of your cabin window at midnight to meet up with your camp crush, this smooth number from the soundtrack to 1986’s Space Camp should do just fine. ***This song also appeared on our Summer Camp Mixtape from 2018!***

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#2 Alice Cooper – Hard Rock Summer

Who in their right mind could say no to a song that reminds us of Jason Voorhees and hot blondes in hot camaros, sung by Alice Cooper of all people?! This one is a total no-brainer, easiest pick of the litter and comes from the soundtrack to Friday the 13th Part 6: Jason Lives. Crank it up and drink a beer.

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#3 Priya Panda – Shook U Off

When I heard that firecracker Priya Panda from the rock band Diemonds was doing a solo thing, I was intrigued but didn’t know what direction she would be going in. Her first single “Take Me Back” was a sultry atmospheric ballad that I really dug and featured a little sprinkling of guitar from Brent Woods of Wildside and Sebastian Bach’s solo band. On “Shook U Off” Priya channels Sheila E, Stevie B and VANITY, yet at the same time creates a sound that is uniquely her own and stands out from the pack. The hook is pure summer and ice cream. Watch the music video.

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#4 Bob Seger – Miami

My friends and I concluded a long time ago that there are 3 chapters of Bob Seger’s music. #1 “Classic Seger”. This is the blue-collar, working man, hauling ass in a Bronco music that contains his most timeless and classic material. #2 “The dads-and-uncles-dancing-at-a-wedding Seger”, and finally #3 COCAINE SEGER. “Cocaine Seger” is a distinct selection of his more polished and glimmery-production based songs that make you think of big Cadillacs, silver platters, $1400 silk suits, cuff links, yachts, aviator sunglasses and mountains of organic cocaine. “Shakedown” from the Beverly Hills Cop II soundtrack and “Miami” from the 1986 album Like A Rock are the quintessential two songs from this chapter of the Bob Seger legacy. 

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#5 KISS – Dirty Livin’ (Mexican 12″ extended version)

My favorite era of KISS was the street tough, city rat, leather, denim and makeup days. Leave it to the drummer of the band (Peter Criss) to create this absolute staple of boogie rock with “Dirty Livin”. If I was around in 1978, I would have completely cared less about the whole “KISS went disco and the fans were divided” thing with the Dynasty album. This song slaps and that’s all that matters. Drop me inside of a roller-disco under the flashing lights when this song comes on and Uncle T will be doing things on rollerskates that he or anyone else wouldn’t have thought was possible and probably should be illegal in at least 49 states.

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#6 Donny Benét – Second Dinner

Australian pop hero Donny Benét released what is easily going to be one of the best albums of 2020 with Mr. Experience. People ask me if this guy is serious and the answer is YES Donny is the real deal. One of my favorite tracks from the record is “Second Dinner” which just so happens to be the #1 requested song during our mess hall dinners (and subsequent food fights) at Camp TNUC this season. Watch the brilliant music video to find out why.

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#7 Winger – All I Ever Wanted

I have this recurring dream that I’m stranded on a beautiful tropical island, alone, horny, with absolutely no woman in sight. Months pass which feel like years and just when I think about launching myself off a rock to end my misery, the reverberating sounds of a ’88 Jeep CJ with the top ripped off comes bursting through the jungle and onto the beach. At first glimpse I think it’s a mirage and I must be losing my mind from dehydration or eating poisonous mangoes.

But she appears. It’s Lady TNUC in her buzz-sawed scuba shorts, B.U.M. equipment crop top, banana yellow visor, ruby red lips and freshly tanned skin from the island sun. The stereo in the Jeep is blaring this studio version of “All I Ever Wanted” by Winger, a song that was previously a b-side from the In The Heart of the Young era.

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Thanks for reading…now keep cranking and don’t be late for Beefaroni Popsicles tonight in the mess hall!