HUT BY THE LAKE.
Spending your summer at Camp TNUC really does have its rewards.
Sure you’ll find deformed psychopaths wielding knives and chainsaws in the woods nearby, but on the flip side you get to experience once in a lifetime opportunities thanks to our team of counselors, lifeguards, perverted chefs and of course “The Manimal”.
Now for the groundbreaking news announcement of 2017! PIZZA HUT IS COMING TO CAMP TNUC. Not just a Pizza Hut, but a Pizza Hut boat dock, exclusively settled on our rotten, deadly campgrounds!
The “COURTESY DOCK” will provide camp customers an easily accessible area to dock their jet skis, canoes, rafts and inflatable alligator floaties while they get set for pizza! Or choose to call ahead and your steaming hot pizza will be ready for pick-up in no time! There you’ll be, lounging with some Body Glove-adorned Betty on your raft, while some dude named Jeff, Donny, Marcus, Randy, Zeke or Bart hustles down the hill to hand deliver your pizza directly on your watercraft. Hot tip: Avoid ordering the extra sausage special, or you’ll be in for a big surprise!
Customers can also choose to make the climb up the hill and enjoy the air conditioning and red vinyl booths at the actual Pizza Hut which sits directly beside the lake. Or relax on the restaurant’s deck while you bask in lakefront sunsets, summer breezes and topless water-skiing events sponsored by Body Glove.
Ricky Wade, hottest water-ski instructor around.
How exactly did TNUC hook up with the ‘Hut? Early in 2017 we signed a lucrative deal with the only remaining decent souls at Pizza Hut headquarters. They installed the boat dock and agreed to keep the company’s original logo, signature Red Roof and all the features and qualities that made the legendary franchise so unforgettable from 1975 to 1999.
By the time I finished this blog entry, those aforementioned Pizza Hut representatives who expedited this great idea have now been fired by the dead souls at ‘modern day’ Pizza Hut. However…Uncle T came to their rescue and gave these individuals jobs in our mess hall at Camp TNUC, mopping up hurl and lung butter. TNUC TO THE RESCUE!
See YOU at camp this summer! As always, please continue to join in our fight to
hahaha, I really wish Camp TNUC was a real camp. This would be the most righteous Camp around! Long-butts galore running around the Camp and top-less water activities. Busty-blondes and brunettes strutting their stuff around and having pillow fights in their bunks and food fights with pizza at the mess hall and Pizza Hut. Then at night, Dokken shows up and does a private show by the lake while screening Sleepaway Camp. God, what a life this would be…
Heathen! Camp Tnuc IS a real camp, is where we spend our summers luring victims to quench our thirst for mating and murdering. It’s bullying the youth and food fights in our lime colored t-shirts during the day and boozing around the campfire in our blue uniforms while summoning the gods of summercamp mass massacre at night!
This summer will be no different, some fresh old tunes to lure young blood, tons of coconut tanning oil and mirror shades, and waiting around to see who gets it first at the new Pizza Hut Boat Dock!