HOT N’ FRESH BEER WOLF DELIVERY.
Just this afternoon I arrived at the TNUC lair to find an all-too-familiar box sitting at my doorstep.
Now, a box of pizza wouldn’t be anything out of the ordinary if I had actually ordered a steamy-hot-delicious-cheese-pie.
So something about this strange box gave me an uneasy feeling which gave way to profuse sweating and frantic looks over my shoulder. There was plastic tape on the outside and nothing about it smelled like food. Practical joke? Severed head? Anthrax? A letter confirming my reservation at the nut house? WHAT COULD THIS BE?!
I carefully opened the box and after it didn’t explode, I noticed zebra print peeking out from inside. Were the folks at Zubaz finally responding to my letters requesting uniforms for Camp TNUC counselors?
Negative. What unveiled before my eyes was something of epic goddamned proportions.
A MEGA-MOTHERLOAD BEER WOLF PACKAGE!
Shirts! Beer koozies! Stickers! All wrapped up in some mysterious Pizza Hut box? What good deed has Uncle T done to deserve such a precious gift?
The most mind-boggling thing about this hot n’ fresh Beer Wolf delivery is that these are NEW merchandise items. As we’ve come to understand, Coors Light haven’t run their Beer Wolf campaign in probably 25 years. Literally all those radical prints and artwork explosions ceased to exist after the early ’90s. Over the years TNUC has contacted them on several occasions, pondering the possibility of a comeback tour for the beloved beast…
So in the midst of this alleged return, I contacted Coors executives to get the full scoop. They responded with a message explaining to me they knew nothing about Beer Wolf returning and they would be looking into this matter!
So come to find out, apparently the Coors Brewery gift shop in Golden, Colorado decided to have some fun on their own by reviving the furry, beer-guzzling icon exclusively for their store. You’ll notice on his ballcap that the original “Coors Light” has been replaced with “Coors Brewery”.
While it isn’t sanctioned by Coors Corporate and currently unavailable for purchase online, any comeback is a comeback! Maximum respect, Coors Brewery.
Also found inside my package was a note from the shipper, a Colorado native and devoted TNUC disciple named Keith who runs a site called Something Strange. Keith, you are a bulging god amongst tiny men.
◊ ◊ ◊
***Throughout the annals of history, Coors Light’s Beer Wolf has been celebrated religiously at the Land of TNUC. There are a million reasons why we worship this sexy ball of fur, most of which stem from how overlooked Beer Wolf was during his short-lived career. Agreed upon by top scholars inside TNUC’s lair, Beer Wolf could run circles around Bud Light’s Spuds MacKenzie. He was buffer, tougher, nastier and could polish off dog bowls of beer faster than that little pooch could ever dream of. But Spuds captured almost 100% of the spotlight and glory. Aside from competition, Beer Wolf earned most of our respect by just being the bikini-inspecting, babe-chasing, beer-chugging iconic wolf he was born to be. Join the movement by participating in our #BeerWolfWednesday campaign on the social media outlets.***