If the bums at MTV finally allow TNUC to program his ManimalTV music video block someday, you better believe we’ll be fine tuning everything to fit the TNUC attitude and way of life. To this day we’ve written them hundreds of letters with carefully executed plans of how to make their channel relevant again to music or anything cool for that matter.
Let us avoid the tired discussion about how bad current MTV is and instead cut right to the chase…
If or when they let TNUC take the reins, prepare for 100% programming dominance. Even when it comes time for commercial breaks, we’ll settle for nothing but the best. Infectious jingles! Wild wardrobes! Dance montages! Celebrity endorsements! Just the way it should be. Bands and companies will be encouraged to submit their own commercials exclusive to ManimalTV, top notch material viewers will only see on our channel.
Now let’s examine a few prime examples of what level of promotional material we’re looking for…
Flair Family Hair Care (feat. Nasty Savage!)
Nasty Savage were a death metal band from Brandon, Florida who made a name for themselves partly due to their over the top stage show, which had things going on like the lead singer smashing TV sets over his head. As intense as their stage antics were, nothing compares to the intensity of this local hair salon commercial featuring these wild stallions filing out of a limo to go get haircuts! You’ll need to watch it 5 more times to be sure you’ve absorbed everything…because there’s A LOT.
I love that they’re getting dropped off at a mall’s hair salon in a limousine by a driver wearing white gloves and a bowtie. “It’s mysterious, it’s incredible, it’s bizarre!”…the build up at the beginning suggests they’re about to enter a steel cage match for a no holds barred, heavy metal assault. Nope, just getting the crusty mops trimmed!
Budweiser (feat. Ronnie James Dio!)
No, you’re not dreaming. Ronnie James Dio slayed the fuck out of a commercial for Budweiser back in 1983. This reworking of the Dio classic “Rainbow in the Dark” is absolutely real and from what we have gathered was played by radio stations for a brief time. It’s still uncertain if a video was actually shot – but if it was – here’s hoping it features the pint sized metal God riding a tiger through the liquor store while singing the song and punching dragons.
Pat’s Chili Dogs (feat. Cinderella!)
Hair-metal-hot-dogs! Long before Cinderella would end up selling 15 million albums worldwide, they were just a pack of struggling rats from the Philadelphia suburbs. Hungry for success. Hungry for fame. Hungry for hot dogs?
Vocalist Tom Kiefer explains in a 2014 interview that a local proprietor in Philly who owned a chili dog stand saw Cinderella in a club and liked them. So he approached the band to film a rock n’ roll commercial for his 24 hour chili dog hangout. When he told them he was buying local advertising on MTV, they were all in. As far as Cinderella were concerned, this was getting on MTV. They shot the video and were able to eat chili dogs for free, anytime they pleased.
Fun Fact: One of the band members was a vegetarian and you can see there’s nothing in his bun at he chomps into it at :24!
Pat’s Dogs, the cook is never tired!
Pat’s Dogs, the steam is always fired!
Two locations, rockin’ all night
MacDade or Lester, come and have a bite at…
Pat’s Dogs, Pat’s Chili Dogs!
Pat’s Dogs, Pat’s Chili Dogs!