Do you smell it? That tingling aroma of meat and Chex Mix could only mean one thing. Uncle T must be in the kitchen, wearing that “Kiss the Cook” apron and cooking up his mysterious meat spread that promises to put guests/listeners into a maximum food coma. That’s right, the MYSTERY MEAT MIX is back! Well, sort of.
Taking a step back and reflecting over last year’s mix, it was obvious that some adjustments needed to be made. So we trimmed the fat, sucked out the lard, sprinkled some garnish and packed as much Grade A meat as was possible in under one hour. Now juicer, leaner and more tender – we’re happy with the results. So gather the family and crank this one to eleven. Again, if you don’t celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas, you’re actually in luck as this mix goes great with wintertime dance parties and solo eggnog binges.
¿¿¿Tracklisting??? That’s the Mystery!
This year’s mix is dedicated to all the drunken, out of work, bum Uncles of the world. The one your family avoids 95% of the year but during the holidays are guilted into inviting at the last minute. You know the guy. In his mind he’s the life of the party – from his unfiltered, cringe-worthy statements to his late night confessions which range from stories about Vietnamese hookers to how vinyl siding is the only way to go. The older family members who’ve had to put up with him the longest roll their eyes when he walks in the door holding only a case of generic, snakepiss beer and a power drill. He drove straight from the construction site, the place where they laid him off months ago but he still shows up to in the morning. His relatives’ anxiety levels grow as his 17th can of Milwaukee’s Best goes flying towards the fireplace. They know what’s coming. When it’s time for dinner, suddenly he and the female next door neighbor are nowhere to be found but moaning noises are heard coming from the basement. Also the casserole dish is missing from the table. They don’t even want to know what happened to the dish nor do they want it back. Later that night he polishes off the 100 year old bottle of scotch and face-plants into the Christmas tree while taking down Great-Gramps with the gimpy leg in the process. All anyone can do is let him sleep it off. The fun old-fashioned family affair concludes with a rude awakening at 7:00 am. Family members head into to the kitchen for breakfast and find him passed out naked on the doggy bed in the fetal position. This one’s for YOU.
Free download here!
Any self-respecting fan of Saved by the Bell has surely experienced “the moment” – you know, the one when your eyes begin to wander past the cool kid’s table at The Max, beyond Kelly’s locker and just over the top of Zack Morris’ blonde wave ‘do. Off in the distance you start noticing certain background characters which soon become familiar faces after binge watching episodes. One of those faces just happens to belong to our November Lost-Legend-Of-The-Month, a young long-haired barbarian who we call Bonehead Rock Guy!
Mostly seen skateboarding through hallways, leaning on lockers, snacking on fries at The Max and synchronized-head-nodding with his buds – Bonehead Rock Guy is a background character or “extra” that always left me with feelings of awe and wonder. What’s he talking about back there? How often is he in detention? Are Zack Morris and AC Slater intimidated by him? What does his van look like? (Gotta’ be a van). The duration of his appearances may be brief, but boy are they often. Below are some, but definitely not all glimpses of Bonehead Rock Guy from Season 1 of the show.
Yea…he’s EVERYWHERE. In episode 11 “The Friendship Business”, students in Mr. Tuttle’s class are asked to come up with their own companies for ‘Junior Achievement Week’. Bonehead Rock Guy and his surf shredders create the lousy company “Surf and Fold” which attempts to invent a “to-go” style surfboard that conveniently folds up for easy mobilization. Sadly the board has structural issues due to it being made of cardboard, which AC Slater points out during their presentation “if you surf on cardboard, it’ll sink!”. We’re fairly confident that his friend with the crusty flop-mop came up with this idea, not Bonehead Rock Guy.
Scenes like the one above usually result in me yelling at Zack and Slater on the TV screen…“For Christ’s sake turn around and talk to this kid. Whatever he’s trying to convince that Bayside baberino into doing is definitely 395x better than what you two bozos are begging Kelly to do. You’re blowing it.”
Even when not being chosen for games and activities, this guy always keeps a positive attitude.
ALERT: METALLICA SHIRT! There’s no question that our lost legend was Bayside’s heavy metal outlaw, but it’s proven here from this investigative research that Uncle T recently performed while watching episode 21 “House Party”, which also stars a young Tori Spelling as seen in the photo.
Whoa. Pump the breaks. Our pal suddenly has a name and it’s “JEFF”! Episode 14 begins with everyone wearing plastic hearts around their necks because the Sweetheart Dance is coming up. This is where things get interesting and also confusing…
Fast forward to Season 2 and “Jeff” suddenly delivers some actual dialogue! For a few seconds he informs Mr. Belding that the chemistry lab is on fire, then fires off the sharp one liner “got any marshmallows dude?” But…Belding calls him “Robert”, so my guess is that the writers completely forgot he was given a name just a few episodes prior. I hoped to post the clip on here but the suits at NBC Universal would have shut me down, so watch it here if you need a revisit.
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I can’t be the only person whose eyes have drifted beyond Kelly’s pompoms to realize that life beyond Bayside’s six popular characters did exist. In fact it’s pretty hard not to notice a lot of the same extras being used repeatedly. Although Bonehead Rock Guy definitely fit the show’s ‘California surfer kid’ stereotype I think he had much more to offer than just filling in the scene. His effortless fashion sense and “too cool for school” attitude immediately jumps off the screen, attributes that elevate him to supreme status. His whereabouts remain a mystery and attempts to locate the lost legend have proven to be unsuccessful. *It should be noted that he’s uncredited from the show, even in the episode that featured him speaking!* If anyone recognizes him from somewhere else, whether it be another TV show or selling pretzels at your mall, please contact TNUC immediately!
[Lost-Legend-Of-The-Month is a heartwrenching chronicle of forgotten iconic warriors who were either wiped off the face of the planet for reasons unknown or simply never got the chance to “peak” during their short-lived careers. We cherish these individuals and devote an entire month to celebrate their impact on society. To see the rest of em’, go here.]
“Hell Ain’t a Bad Place to Be” said a salty old rock dude one time in 1977. Uncle T has been pondering if there’s actual truth to this statement. So for 2015, because its our 6th annual mix we’re sending our mascot the ‘Manimal’ south of heaven to barrel through the gates of hell for a Halloween party like no other.
In order to navigate properly, and because he seemed to have misplaced the coordinates for Satan’s kingdom, the Manimal figured he’d summon some demons to guide him down the right path. So on a recent stroll through an ancient cemetery he stopped to dance on some graves and play some air guitar under the foggy moonlight to stir up some restless spirits. Sure enough, a few evil beings showed up and basically handed him the keys to Lucifer’s lair.
Questions started to swirl around his mind. How hot is it down there? Should he bring 2-million sunblock? Does the devil ever break a sweat? What’s the big guy’s favorite monster cereal? Is hell cliquey like prison? Do all the heavy metal guys party together 24/7? Most importantly, WHO’S IN CHARGE OF PLAYING MUSIC ON HELL-O-WEEN NIGHT? Because this is the last party he wants to walk into empty handed, we brewed up a 40 minute hot cauldron of hits for Manimal to impress everyone with when he arrives (especially the lady demons). When the clock strikes midnight on Halloween Eve, this is the music that will reign down on every hellhound and hellcat down in those fiery depths. So sit back, get the fog machine ready, grab the coldest beverage in the house and join us as TNUC GOES TO HELL.
Download it here! Tracklist coming soon (surprises are more fun). HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
Camp TNÜC proudly presents the new ZOMBI video for “Diffraction Zone”, taken from the group’s new album Shape Shift out now via Relapse Records. Crank up that volume nob and play this one LOUD.
Order at Relapse: http://bit.ly/ZombiShapeShift
Order on iTunes: http://geni.us/ZOMBIssIT
Order on Amazon: http://geni.us/ZOMBIssAZ
Order on Google Play: http://geni.us/ZOMBIssGP
Download via Bandcamp: https://zombi.bandcamp.com
*Face-melt-finale by Odd Studio (dir. Sammy Harkham)*