SEPTEMBER’S DEADBEAT OF THE MONTH: BOOGER.

booger

booger
Instead of making Revenge of the Nerds 2: Nerds in Paradise, or any of the ones that followed for that matter, they should have made a prequel solely dedicated to the deadbeat life of Dudley “Booger” Dawson before he joined the Tri-Lambs at Atoms College. After witnessing his on-screen hijinks in the first film, can you imagine what he was up to before he got to college?

Depending on who you talk to (friends, scholars, historians, etc.), the question is always raised if Booger was even an actual nerd to begin with. After all – he smoked, drank, never took showers and wore obscene t-shirts long before he joined his freshman outcasts in the gym. His nerd status may remain debatable, however his deadbeat ranking is secure, confident and without question.

booger1
[NOTE: DEADBEAT-OF-THE-MONTH is an ongoing saga giving thanks and praise to a chosen deadbeat character each month. To see the rest of em', go here]

We waited until the very specific month of September to unleash Booger upon this mighty countdown of deadbeats because this is technically the “back to school” time of year. We needed a certain academic failure to send us away to the educational institutions that will shape our future. Someone that wins belching contests, picks his nose in public, never goes to class and party’s like there’s no tomorrow

Every word out of Booger’s mouth is full of sleaze and without any sort of filter. I would need an entire week to dissect every one-liner and sleaze-explosion he ignites. One of my personal favorites in the movie is when the guys are discussing possible dates for their upcoming party, to which someone asks Booger if he has a date. While strumming his guitar he looks up and mutters “I’ve been out combing the high schools all day”.

beat-buick-1
I always laugh and then fantasize about what type of car (if any) this lowlife drove. My best guess is that it was a 1984 Buick Grand National – one with rusted-out hubcaps, a sagging rear end, cigarette burns on the seats, crusted windows, a suicide knob on the steering wheel and empty cartons of Winston’s all over the floor. The sort of car you see parked at abandoned bowling alleys.

Here’s more. This time he delivers one of the greatest insults in the history of cinema:


Bash him if you must, but I stand by his deadbeat actions because 1) Booger RULES and 2) He’s important to the legacy of the nerds. Where would the Tri-Lambs be without him? If not for the wonder joint tampons that he brought to the kickoff party, there might not even be a Lambda Lambda Lambda. He ended up getting everyone high and loosening up the house, creating a sexy party vibe for the nerds and the moos. Even U.N. Jefferson was quite impressed as he was seen dancing around for a second after grabbing a contact high.

On a similar note, while he did rip off poor Takashi several times during card games and stole his money, he also taught him two extremely valuable lessons – how to get high and what a “hairpie” is. Call me crazy but I’m pretty sure those two life lessons are worth losing a few dollars at poker over.

THE NIGHT BELONGS TO MICHELOB.

gold tape

gold tape
Please start watching repeatedly:


My definition of heaven can be witnessed during those precious 32 precious seconds. Shadowy streets, sexy glares, after hours, ripping saxophone, golden bubbly streams of beer and couples escaping into the night in their trenchcoats. The brilliant minds at the Michelob company sure knew what they were talking about when they came up with “The Night Belongs to Michelob” promotions. I mean really, this is better than most television I watch.

Here’s more:


This promotional juggernaut carried on for some years and actually ended up featuring guest appearances by Phil Collins, Steve Winwood, Eric Clapton and other giants of the music industry. Supposedly the campaign stopped when Eric Clapton entered rehab after admitting to being a hardcore heroin addict at the time. Michelob took this as a major bummer and stopped making the commercials.

What we need now is a comeback. An all-star reunion of the BIG guys that made BIG rock. You know the ones. Robert Tepper, Eddie Money, Kenny Loggins, Stan Bush, Frank Stallone, Jami Jamison of Survivor (RIP), Huey Lewis, John Parr, Steve Perry…the list goes on. So give them a call, will ya Michelob? It’s time to take back THE NIGHT.

SPIROS – BUONA SERA [VIDEO PREMIERE]

10628372_10152368708879141_2850178408006484235_n

10628372_10152368708879141_2850178408006484235_n

My friends,

I would like to share with you, footage of my past summer in and around Mediterranean Villa. It was typically exotic summer full of mystery, intrigue, flowing white linen, rustic kidskin loafers, fog and passion for SPIROS. Only this time I sent an invitation to my dear friend TNUC to join me and the naked women on hammocks at my Villa for good times such as horse riding on cliffs, sipping fine wines on white balconies and listening to Greatest Hits of SPIROS. TNUC immediately took the next flight out to the Meditteranean to join me, and film the life SPIROS and my two beautiful women for two month. Watch as we roll in silk cushions, dive off cliffs, make passionate love and share mango slices at midnight all set to the music of smash hit from my Second Mix Journey, The Magic of SPIROS, Buona Sera.

Ciao,

SPRIOS

AUGUST’S DEADBEAT OF THE MONTH: SGT. DRAKE SAVAGE.

drake2

A year-long chronicle of deadbeats wouldn’t be legitimate without Gary Busey joining the ranks. The hardest part about this is of course choosing which Gary Busey character would be best. From loudmouth alcoholics to corrupt military officers dressing in drag, Busey has conquered it all. One could even argue that the real Gary Busey be nominated. With all due respect to the man, his off-screen antics coupled with his massive horse teeth could justify.

drake2

This month we venture into seldom-discussed territory and awarded the one and only Sergeant Drake Savage for August’s DEADBEAT-OF-THE-MONTH.

drake1

*Just want to remind readers that choosing Deadbeats isn’t as easy as pointing at the “bad guy” or villain of a movie. Deadbeats fall into a completely separate category. These aren’t the guys you find going against cops or seeking world domination. Sometimes they fly under the radar from being rejected so often in life. Others are loud and obnoxious. But make no mistake, they all ooze with sleaze. You wouldn’t want them coming over for your Labor Day BBQ and certainly wouldn’t want them going anywhere near your teenage daughter. They have no filter and refuse to commit to society’s ways. They have low I.Q.’s and are drunk most of the time.   

OK, just wanted to clear that up. Back to the matter at hand…

The correct spelling of his last name is Sabitch but whenever I watch Black Sheep I hear SAVAGE, so that’s what I’ll keep calling him. Anyways this psychotic Vietnam vet lives off the grid in a school bus parked in the middle of the woods. He’s a loner. A paranoid hermit that doesn’t believe the war is over. Surrounding his school bus is a survival compound with trip-wires, land mines and other booby traps set up to keep “enemies” away. One of those enemies Savage makes early in the film is the wormy Steve Dodds. When he finds Dodds slithering around his perimeter trying to get his rental car back, he scares him and sends a spray of bullets to his Buick. While Dodds remains scared shitless of Savage, his campaign partner Mike Donnelly ends up befriending him and asks him if he likes Bruce Lee movies to which Savage replies “I got every one of em’ on laserdisc.”

drake

Savage becomes a somewhat of a hero at the end of the movie when he jumps on stage at a public campaign event to help with the Donnelly vote and threatens the audience with a bazooka. He calls a few people some names, delivers a gruesome war-story about his grandad and then hoists Mike Donnelly up on his shoulders. Maybe Sgt. Drake Savage wasn’t the best choice for DEADBEAT-OF-THE-MONTH. He redeemed himself in the end and helped the right candidate win as governor of Washington. In any event, I had to include him somewhere in The Land of TNUC, so here he will remain.

Other quotable Deadbeat-isms:

“I could go over to your Mama’s and start a small fire in her panties.”

“I can splatter your cortex or I can explode your heart. Which sounds quicker to you?”

“Hold your tongue, wench.”

[NOTE: DEADBEAT-OF-THE-MONTH is an ongoing saga giving thanks and praise to a chosen deadbeat character each month. To see the rest of em', go here]

JUST ANOTHER WET-HOT-TNUC-SUMMER.

bike panties

bike panties
It looks to me like some people are jumping the gun and already talking about Halloween. Without a doubt it’s the most wonderful time of the year…but as far as I can see, it’s only AUGUST. That balmy offshore breeze coming through the window of my Buick Grand National is clear evidence that summer is still here. Also that sun-kissed longbutt twinkling in the summer sun in my backyard is an even clearer indication to throw the harness on and enjoy the season while we can. In an effort to keep summer alive and not burst my Fall-time cherry too soon, here are TNUC’s current top (5) WET-HOT-TNUC-SUMMER jams:

 #1 Michael McDonald – No Lookin’ Back

corey forever

For many of us the dreaded three words ‘Back to School’ are inescapable during this time of year. Growing up all I ever wanted to do was tear down or light fire to every BTS slogan I saw in sight. It’s such a kick to the crotch to anyone who’s avoiding the thought of a classroom and trying to enjoy their final days of summer break. Just look at the expression on Mikey’s face for a moment. Is that the look of a kid that wants to sit at a musty desk all day? Shit no. Grab your shades, toss your headgear in the trash and crank up this overlooked gem from Michael McDonald. [Free download on the player]

- – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – -

#2 Goldroom – Till Sunrise

Couldn’t afford a cabin on TNUC’s 6th annual ‘Boob Cruise’ this year? Don’t fret, just let Goldroom be your guide to the ultimate relaxation-vacation of your mind. His newest dreamy slice of wonder is called ‘Till Sunrise’ and features vocals by Mammals. Josh (Goldroom) never stops providing music that makes me want to lay under the artificial UVs in my sunbed and drift somewhere far, far away. Buy it for a buck here.

- – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – -

#3 Late Nite Tuff Guy – Bless the Rains 

tumblr_n90y7x2vc41r0qabqo1_1280

I always thought Toto’s ‘Africa’ was an OK song at best until Late Night Tuff Guy edited the track into this 10-minute, swirling journey. He uses the best parts of the song to create a build-up that will have you aching to hear that famous line in the chorus like you never imagined. The end result is very satisfying and proves that once in a while edits/remixes really do breathe life into some of these old, dusty classics. Buy the 12″ here / Digital here.

- – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – -

#4 Max Essa – Peninsular
10321788_484392348359674_2131908599387483716_o

These soothings sounds remind me of summer mornings in 1987 when I trained at a temple high up in the Himalayas. One of the vigorous exercises was hiking up to the peak of Mt. Shishapangma, which translates to “Crest above the grassy plains”. At the very top of the mountain sat a massive glowing stone that I’d meditate on and search for inner wisdom in preparation for starting this Land of TNUC. All that’s missing in the song are shrieking hawk and soaring eagle sounds. Buy the 12″ here.

- – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – -

#5 Benjamin Orr – Skyline

t-top sunset

This is a really special one. Uncle T saved it for the #5 slot not because it lacks something that the others have, but because it should be listened to last and with a different appreciation. I can’t help but go into an immediate state of euphoria when I hear the ultra-polished bells & whistles in this song. It’s as easy on the ears just as gazing out at the summer skyline from your red T-Top convertible is easy on the eyes. The track is also ridiculously fit for a day cruise on the harbour (thanks Room 8!) [Free Download on the player]

We lost a massively talented individual when Benjamin Orr passed away in 2000. I can only imagine what other incredible music the guy would have continued to deliver on his own and with The Cars.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

%d bloggers like this: