BUFFALO STYLE.
Posted on July 22, 2013 2 Comments
Get everyone in the room together and watch this:
YES, now scrape your jaw up off the ground and play it again! The adrenaline-pumping souls at the Jeep Corporation sure knew about making one thing very clear. One thing that most men didn’t quite get…CHICKS DIG BUFFALOS. Just watch the expression on the girl with the big-hair. She even pulls one of our favorite signature moves – the shade-tip. Ladies, could a date begin any better than a guy showing up galloping full-speed on a buffalo (bareback!) then simply reaching down with ONE sweaty arm to swing you on the back of his wild animal vehicle. If by the end of the night that lucky girl doesn’t put out, it could only be from the Buffalo dung-drops spoiling the mood.
I’d like to track down whoever pitched this idea and immediately hire this person at Camp TNUC. I’d tell them they could have a permanent stay, given they provide a sufficient amount of buffalo livestock for my buffalo shuttle service to and from Camp TNUC for ladies that end up having too much to drink and can’t drive home. This way, parents will rest easy when they see a guy galloping up their driveway full throttle, with their daughter on the back of a bison, rushing to make that 12:00pm curfew.
Of course one set back would be the aggressiveness of what bareback-buffalo riding would do to your crotch. I’d at least equip myself with a jock’ and cup under my loincloth for support. Another obvious vibe-killer would be the buffalo dung. We’d avoid this issue by having our beasts on a strict, special-blend-diet-formula of pizza, frozen fruit concentrate and Cookie Crisp cereal. Trust me, it works.
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The following is an alternate buffalo-riding Jeep adventure with our best friend at it again. He’s still throwing girls on the back of his buffalo, but this time he’s charging through an old western town. You’ll need to adjust your volume a little for this one.
If anyone has any information on this iconic figure of history, please immediately contact Uncle TNUC.
HEAVY METAL BEACH TOWELS.
Posted on July 15, 2013 3 Comments
You’ve probably never heard the words ‘Dokken‘ and ‘beach towel’ in the same sentence. That’s because for years society was deprived of being able to lay out in the sun and inspect bikinis while laying on a towel that sports our most cherished heavy metal bands…until now.
A guy in Bulgaria (of all places) has opened an Ebay store called HEADBANGER’S HEAVEN and is selling loud n’ proud heavy metal towels at a reasonable price.
From hair metal giants like Motley Crue, Ratt and Dokken…to righteous riffers like Kiss, Iron Maiden and Van Halen, you’re sure to find something up your alley. The towels are available in two sizes: sport (for the gym, sauna, solarium) and jumbo (for the beach, pool, water park). As you can see the towels are richly colored and pretty sexy so don’t be surprised if they don’t attract some attention. I can safely vouch for this seller on Ebay as I have bought several band t-shirts from him which are all incredible!
These towels couldn’t have come into TNUC’s radar at a better time. I’m supposed to be in Malibu this weekend to host a Long-Butt-Bikini-Contest and I’m in need of a new towel to dry off the salty babes as they emerge from the water. Which towel do you disciples think would be most appropriate? Take a look around the Headbanger’s Heaven store and let me know in the comment section below!
Oh, can’t leave out the most terrifying towel of them all, but maybe the best:
THOMAS ANDERS – ONE THING.
Posted on July 9, 2013 4 Comments
I don’t know what I was thinking with that “Top 11” list I made for July 4th last week. If I had known about this masterpiece, nothing would have mattered but the following 3-minutes and 50-seconds:
Thanks to my Cro-magnon colleague Mike Ballermann, I’ve now been introduced to German pop-sensation Thomas Anders. Note to everyone: model your life after this guy. I thought I was the only sane person around here that understood how important it was to not work a day in your life, instead drive around sports cars barefoot all day under the sunny palm trees, singing and smiling while my extra-long ponytail sways in the breeze. Seriously, Thomas’s love for EVERYTHING American/Californian should be taught in classrooms and lecture halls across this great nation. From the Pacific Ocean to Arby’s, he cherishes it ALL and wants YOU to know how happy it makes him feel.
I’m fairly confident Thomas Anders and Uncle TNUC were separated at birth. From cruising down the PCH with one-dangling earring glistening in the sun…to dancing/twirling on lifeguard towers at sunset when nobody else is around, it’s the only reasonable thought that makes any sense. Some may argue that the guy in this video is actually TNUC, but I would assure those people that it’s not. We’ve just been living identical lifestyles without even knowing it.
HAPPY 4TH.
Posted on July 4, 2013 1 Comment
TNUC’S TOP ELEVEN HARMONIOUS AMERICAN WAR CRIES TO CELEBRATE THIS GLORIOUS NATION’S BIG DAY.
Line these up –
Grab the nearest long-butted babe –
Press play.
1) HAROLD FALTERMEYER – TOP GUN ANTHEM LINK
2) JAMI JAMISON – I’M ALWAYS HERE [BAYWATCH] LINK
3) CHEAP TRICK – MIGHTY WINGS [TOP GUN] LINK
4) EMERSON, LAKE & POWELL – TOUCH AND GO LINK
5) JOURNEY – ONLY THE STRONG LINK
6) BILL CONTI – AMERICAN GLADIATORS THEME LINK
7) ROBERT TEPPER – NO EASY WAY OUT [ROCKY IV] LINK
8) HULK HOGAN THEME – REAL AMERICAN LINK
9) ALAN SILVESTRI – DELTA FORCE THEME LINK
10) TOUCH – THE SWEETEST VICTORY [ROCKY IV] LINK
11) GIORGIO MORODER – THE FIGHT [OVER THE TOP] LINK
HAPPY 4TH U.S.A.
WET-HOT-TNUC-SUMMER, PART 2.
Posted on June 24, 2013 5 Comments
You know what time it is. Another summer break approaches and that means heavy dosages of boat drinks, SPF 5000 and salty babes are headed our way. Cancel your piano lessons, abort your summer school requirements and come listen to some tantalizing tunes with TNUC. The following are Uncle T’s top five (5) “bare necessity anthems” that you’ll need for soundtracking your daily life in the coming months. Each is as spirited and exuberant as the setting sun. As more tracks come our direction, we’ll post them on the Facebook page, and we encourage you to do the same.
#1 Betty Who – Somebody Loves You (FM Attack Remix)
This song plays as you dance with your dreamgirl on the beach, who just happened to wash up on shore as you were taking a stroll that morning. It’s your first night together and you’re under the moonlight at the ultimate beach-bash of the decade. No Vegas-metrosexual club people or Euro-douche DJs in sight. Just a sea of tropical long-butts while TNUC mans the decks and plays the hits. Oh, and Doug Coughlin from Cocktail isn’t dead so he’s twirling around and serving drinks at the bar all night.
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#2 Journey – Suzanne
Stream the song:
Absolutely the juiciest deep-cut in the Journey catalogue, Suzanne captures the spirit of being young in the summer. Bonfires at the beach, arcades, Friday night at the drive-in, riding bikes over the dunes, “the point”, manhunt, the boardwalk, pools lit at night, kickball, parking at Pizza Hut, smoking a joint on the 50 yard line…..but most importantly, the many crushes and being in love. When Steve Perry belts out “those summer nights, those summer nights”….oh man, Uncle T just about loses it.
Suzanne is featured on Journey’s 1986 album, ‘Raised on Radio’.
Download the track / Buy the album here.
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#3 Sally Shapiro – I Dream With an Angel Tonight (Lovelock Remix)
We covered this exotic island beauty in great detail when it premiered on TNUC last month. If you missed that post, check it out here when you’ve finished reading this entry.
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#4 Silent Gloves feat. Patrick Baker – So Real
Electronic unit Silent Gloves released this single in April and it made everything in my penthouse suite stop on the first listen. Literally every person I play this for is floored by the vocals. Lads and ladies, meet Patrick Baker. If I were him, this song would be my ultimate go-to to make the girls melt. The synth work provides an equal, copious amount of balminess as well. Seriously, this is THE sound of summer. You’ll enjoy the remixes too, so do yourself a favor and pick up the EP here.
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#5 Tina Turner – We Don’t Need Another Hero (Instrumental Dub Version)
Let your Uncle be your guide and trust me on this one. With all due respect to Tina Turner, losing the vocal part on this song from Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome gives a whole new feel to the track. It loses the AOR, big-budget soundtrack vibe and heads straight into Cocktail land. By simply cutting the vocals and extending a few parts, the song sails to tropical territory. Obviously Tim Cappelo’s saxophone solo did NOT get cut, otherwise we wouldn’t go anywhere near this version of the song. TNUC would also like to note that we love Elisabeth Shue and needed an excuse to include a picture of her somewhere on here.
Download the track.
RETROBAND.
Posted on June 14, 2013 4 Comments
Growing up and watching horror movies, did you yearn to own some of the rubbery creatures and slimy substances you saw on screen…but they were restricted to only existing in the movie? Even the smallest, most obscure critters that might have showed up for 5 minutes in a film sometimes had the most appeal and had my imagination taking flight right after feasting my eyes upon them. Especially being really young and watching the same movies over and over again, after repeated viewings it felt like you knew what the little vermin actually felt like, smelled like…it’s just too bad they were only in the movies. Hell, even some fake food looked mighty appetizing to me even though it looked mighty fake (i.e. Back to the Future’s “Hydrated Pizzas”).
A new Texas-based company by the name of Retroband sprung up this year and apparently ran into the same problem! Retroband is a one man operation that is here to “make toys you wish they had growing up”..JACKPOT.. From the packaging to the toy itself, everything he does is custom made. His first release was a line of Creeps from Night of the Creeps, which sold out quickly.
Not exactly the first thing that comes to mind when you think of wanted toys, but that’s what’s genius about it. Obscurity and simplicity are key. Even if Night of the Creeps had been a box office smash, they would have never made rubbery Creeps. TNUC snatched one up as soon as he got the tip that these little mutants of love were being made.
TNUC wanted to introduce himself to this warrior of the wind and ask him a few crucial questions..
T: Besides being a guy that makes ruthless toys, we know nothing about Retroband. How did this whole thing start?
Retroband: Ha! Hey thanks Uncle TNUC. It was an absolute joke at first amongst a close friend and I. He’s the actual cut-out card illustrator on the card backs. We both entered our 30’s and wondered why these toys never existed. Most likely because the movies were not made for children, lol. I decided to take the challenge and see where it would take me. I got an amazing response and sold out in less than 2 days!
T: Any early childhood toy and/or horror movie tales that inspired you to do what you do?
RB: Toy? Kenner of course. I never got into the GI Joes. I loved simplicity.
Creepshow was what really made fall in love with horror as a kid. Comic with horror did it. I later got into EC Comic/Tales from the Crypt. The rest is history. I still have my Creepshow and Tales from the Crypt comics to this day!
T: What are some future ideas for Retroband? Is there a dream-toy you’d love to create one day?
RB: I cant say too much on whats coming out but I am doing an action figure with accessories series. I think I’m making those dream toys, lol. But one of my all time favorite films is Lost Boys. I would like to do a Frog Brothers combo pack.
T: Something tells us your a big collector. What sort of gems adorn your home?
RB: Man I got some stuff. I collect vintage VHS, Marvel figures, Kenner figures, Garbage Pail Kids anything and zombie toys, comics and merch for days! I’m obsessed with EC Comics. Vintage Tales from the Crypt is what I’m after at the moment.
T: At Camp TNUC, we’re big supporters of the miniature creature-culture in movies like Ghoulies, Critters, Gremlins…even the little buggers’ from The Gate make me happy. Mattel came damn close with their line of rubbery puppets in 1986, the Boglins. Have you considered going this route for a toy someday?
RB: Ha I actually owned a Boglin as a kid. I tore out his eyes and used to wear them in class.
I was talking about that not too long ago. I love Critters. I wanted to actually make one but it seems 2 or 3 other artists already made them. Quite well actually. I’m definitely working on a critter, but its not on the list you listed 😉
T: I saw the Hydrated Pizza Hut replica packages from Back to the Future 2 pop up on eBay the other day. It got me thinking, are you strictly going the horror route? Or would you step into other genres?
RB: I hope 2015 has those pizzas. I’m already disappointed that hover boards and flying cars don’t exist! But although I’m obsessed with horror I definitely am taking a different route on genre. I thought about doing a bully series which consisted of Biff and a few others. I get bored rather quickly in what I do so you can expect a different genre in the future for sure.
For the longest time I thought that NO one would ever care about Night of The Creeps or any other B-Type film figures. I was totally blown away on how many followers and support I was receiving each day after I launched the Creeps! It feels great having others share the same passion as I do. I’m very grateful and if it ended tomorrow I’d be happy.
T: Lastly, here’s a guest question from our friend and bad-ass movie poster designer Marc Schoenbach of Sadist Art Designs…What do you think of the new NES Jason action figure?
RB: I got that shit on pre-order! I am not passing that up. The packaging is amazing and so are the color combos on the figure. I was super glad NECA showed some NES love. Much respect.
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Thanks again Uncle TNUC for the opportunity and shout out for having Brooke McCarter as your profile! Him and Alex Winter are what made me want to become a Lost Boy. They made it look so damn good!
For more on Retroband and to see the step-by-step process in his lab, follow him on Instagram @retroband.
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