MAKES ME THINK OF YOU.
Posted on May 5, 2016 14 Comments
Most of us have had that experience of hearing some sort of music for the first time and getting an immediate, surging cosmic feeling from it.
It’s a heavy wave that washes over you out of nowhere. Just a few minutes earlier you didn’t feel like this, but now something from these new melodies has tapped into your senses, while a burst of serotonin shoots straight to your heart.
When it’s over you can’t wait to hear it again. During the second listen the emotions are even more intense. It makes you think of something, or someone…
The song “Makes Me Think Of You” by Sellorekt/LA Dreams had the same effect while Uncle T was innocently polishing the tires on his ’84 Kawasaki KX 125 last weekend.
Tracks like these are few and far between. When one does suddenly rise from the depths, it strikes hard. Listen for yourself.
This one in particular reminds me of carefree summers of the past with no jobs and no responsibilities. Arcades, skateboarding, building forts, jumping off the floating dock, riding bikes through the cemetery, climbing trees, pool hopping, Nerf gun wars, chasing girls…
Hopefully the only worries in your life back then were wondering when the ice cream truck was coming and how many neighborhood kids you could rile up to play manhunt that night.
Special thanks to our old friends over at Valerie for the hot tip on this Sellorekt/LA Dreams song. It’s pulled from their latest guest mix which you should absolutely sink into over at The Valerie Collective. Easily the best mix I’ve heard in a long time!
What songs make you feel this way? Tell TNUC in the comment section of this post!
1-900-BOGLINS.
Posted on April 27, 2016 Leave a Comment
First, here’s a monster announcement if you haven’t already heard:
BOGLINS ARE COMING BACK!
Yes, those rubbery troll creatures will soon be crawling up from their swampy bog for a monumental return – due this coming Fall – as mentioned recently by original creator Tim Clarke via his Instagram page. Aside from Tim posting photos of molds and sketches of the new Boglins, information right now is very limited. We’ll have all the breaking news here and on the TNUC Facebook page, so stay tuned.
With that good news out of the way, we can safely move on to the focal point of today’s discussion…the recent discovery of a Boglins 900-hotline! Big thanks to our friend Dan Trashcan of trashcanland who supplied TNUC with this rare commercial. Enjoy.
It’s hard to believe that for a good chunk of years 900-numbers were a real thing. According to New York magazine, the 900-number business was pulling in $975 million per year by 1991. Sleazy boner hotlines and psychic readings were one thing, but celebrity and movie character numbers were so much more strange and wonderful. Paula Abdul. Warrant. The Corey’s. Chucky. Bill & Ted. Freddy Krueger. Not all were successful, but they did all exist at one point. Still though…BOGLINS?
Well you heard it kids! For $2 per minute, then 35¢ each additional minute, you (yes you!) can hear a personal message from these adorable nasty freaks. It’s too bad lil’ TNUC blew his entire life savings on phone bill charges from dialing 1-900-Steamy-Nights repeatedly during the summer of ’87 because I could’ve gained some helpful knowledge from these guys, like who I should feed my homework to and how to conquer the evil furnace in our basement. Imagine convincing the Boglins over the phone to come join the neighborhood treehouse club? DAMN.
Anyone that knows me knows I never stop talking about Boglins. It’s mainly because they weren’t just another toy. Boglins seemed too good to be true, like someone yanked them from some practical-effects-heavy horror movie you saw caught at 3 a.m. on TNT’s Monster Vision, then mass produced to invade our homes. Their flexible rubber material is without a doubt the creature’s best feature. If you’ve ever watched Ghoulies or any of the “little gnarly dudes” monster movies of the 1980’s and wondered what these little buggers felt like to pick up without being bitten, Boglins were the closest comparison. It was like having your very own Gremlin or Critter to share a prominent space on your bedroom mantle.
I first discovered Boglins at an old person flea market about 25 years ago. As I was being dragged around in the hot sun and yawning to death while starting at a sea of white puffy heads, antique china, dinnerware and cross-stitch patterns, my attention was drawn to a box with a prison-like bars and something inside staring at me. There it was…a hideous rubber puppet in a caged box with the name “DROOL” stamped on the front.
Life was never the same.
OOEY GOOEY CHEESY PIZZA MIXTAPE.
Posted on April 12, 2016 3 Comments
Collaborating together for the first time in history, Uncle T, Kurt Sloan & Big Mike Colonia all sat down over a deep-pan XL supreme pizza to carefully curate a mix worthy of calling itself the quintessential pizza mixtape of our generation.
As with most TNUC mixes, there’s a story to accompany the music, which goes a little something like this…
*It’s friday night, the mood is right and the city’s pizza epidemic is at an all time high. Everywhere you look, someone is sinking their teeth into an ooey-gooey-cheesy slice. Party goers, businessmen, sports fans, subway riders, tourists, cops, bellboys, taxi drivers, punkers, dealers and even the ninja mutant hookers on 42nd street. You name it, they all want a taste.
The pizza delivery boy sets out for what he believes is just another busy night in the big city. Slangin’ pies from the back of his motorbike, he rides through the night unaware that he’ll soon encounter something both dangerous and seductive. His route begins by taking short cuts through back alleys to skip traffic. [Upbeat tracks begin]. Steam rises from the pavement. Industrial-electronic sounds rumble from the underground club circuit. He looks to the left and sees a couple making out in the thick of some hazy blue lighting. On the right a fingerless-gloved hand flips open a butterfly knife. The city’s energy is hotter than these steaming-hot pizzas he’s carrying around.
It’s raining as he enters Chinatown. [Oriental-sounding synth music begins]. A streetcar vendor motions at him to stop at the busy White Dragon Noodle Bar. “Can’t stop now”, he whispers to himself. The pizza delivery boy’s final stop on this run will probably be a big tipper since it’s leading him to an upscale section of the city where he rarely goes. He parks his bike and grabs the sizzling pie from the red vinyl insulated delivery bag. A sexy voice calls to him from a window above. [Sultry track begins]. Quickly realizing he’s being lured into a lonely rich nympho’s apartment flat, he starts getting enthusiastic. She instructs him to deliver the piping-hot pie by first climbing up her fire escape ladder. Halfway up the ladder the pizza boy sees her window blinds tipping and her crystal eyes appear as she winks at him. The window opens and she yanks him inside. “Come fulfill my deepest darkest pizza desires”. He grins, raises his eyebrows and the pizza fantasies slowly unfold.*
For the next 40 minutes, let yourself be 8 years old again with our Ooey-Gooey-Cheesy-Pizza Mixtape. Think back to a simpler time, when items like the ones below were the most important things in the world.
APRIL’S LOCAL HOT SPOT OF THE MONTH: BIG KAY’S BURGERS.
Posted on April 7, 2016 6 Comments
Smell that smell?
Spring is almost here, which means TNUC’s afternoon burger lust is growing more rabid as the days get warmer. Pretty soon that whiff of cooked onions, melted cheese and charbroiled burgers will fill the air and we’ll start to lose our minds. Then some heavyset greaseball named Donny will lift a massive crate of french fries out from the fryer and Uncle T won’t be able to resist the tower of temptation. As the season approaches, nothing beats chomping down on a fat cheeseburger and molten hot fries. Especially washed down with an ice cold Pepsi or beer. That’s the stuff.
But wait…
Burnt rubber, smoke, fog juice and various automotive fluids suddenly stings your nostrils. A fleet of sports cars (mostly Dodge models) come screeching into the parking lot. Ah shit, it’s that bastard child Packard Walsh and his gang of motorhead inbreeds!
You know where you are. Step inside April’s Local-Hot-Spot-Of-The-Month, the one and only Big Kay’s Burgers!
Nestled in the hot desert somewhere off Lookout Mountain Road was the infamous burger joint known as Big Kay’s. Driving down the dusty highway and seeing the first glimpse of this place made it seem like a mirage, except Big Kay’s was no illusion. An oasis of hot burgs’ and hot babes awaited your arrival.
Some people thought that resident cook Billy was a neo-maxi-zoom-dweebie, which is both dumb and bogus. The guy ran the joint and only hired cute chicks, duh.
Suddenly in the middle of the desert the UFO shaped building would come into focus, followed in the distance by the humming of some AOR melodic rock like La Marca’s ‘Hold on Blue Eyes’ playing loudly on a car stereo.
Pull into a parking spot and wait to be greeted by rollerskating waitresses in Big Kay’s tank-tops and miniskirts. One attribute which remained a standard at this place was the nonstop real-life montage happening from noon to night. Being at Big Kay’s was the closest you’ll get to living in a fully functional movie montage. People danced. Girls skated around your car. Guys snapped their fingers and tipped their sunglasses every couple minutes.
In the excruciatingly hot kitchen Billy slung burgers and chili dogs. He’d toss patties over his shoulder, sending them splatting to the grill. Pickles flew through the air. Streams of ketchup and mustard were shooting to the ceiling. Hot weiners flopped into toasty buns. It looked like an episode of Super Sloppy Double Dare. With all the chaos he still managed to get everyone’s orders correct, even bully Packard Walsh’s special order (extra mayo and thousand island), just the way he likes ’em.
On certain nights an eerie mist surrounded Big Kay’s which was unexplainable until a Turbo Interceptor showed up in town and started killing off all of Packard’s goons. No one complained because Packard was a huge asshole, especially to Big Kay’s “Babe of the Century”, the dreamy Keri.
Behold, the Turbo Interceptor (the only one in existence)…
Word to the wise for those of you making the drive to Big Kays: don’t pull up in your momma’s Volvo or fat-ass minivan. If you’re desperate, have her drop you off at least 1/2 a mile away down the street and walk the rest of the way. Trust Uncle T.
♥ ♥ ♥
On behalf of all the fans of this movie, TNUC would like to wish a Happy 30th Anniversary to THE WRAITH which celebrates it’s big birthday later this year.
[Local-Hot-Spot-Of-The-Month is a adrenaline-thrusting history lesson and celebration of signature hangout spots one might recognize from television, film or real life. Our objective is to not just rediscover and dissect these places, but more importantly create a feeling like you’re really there. Take your time with these entries. Hang out. Turn some music on.
To visit the rest of ’em, go here.]
WOMEN, LEATHER & HELL.
Posted on March 31, 2016 4 Comments
Earlier this month was “National Women’s Day” on March 8th.
What that actually means, I have no idea. All we do know is that Joel Grind of heavy metal mutants Toxic Holocaust put together a mixtape of obscure female fronted metal bands, naturally in honor of Women’s Day.
The mix is called “Women, Leather & Hell” and you can download it here. Prepare your ears for a musical onslaught lead by twenty-one barbaric betties, savage nomad long-butts and voluptuous vixens.
To accompany this listening experience and for your viewing pleasure, below is a sneak peek at TNUC’s private security team who guard Castle TNUC when he leaves for Spring Break in Ft. Lauderdale every year. Say hello to the gals.
Tracklist:
01 Black Knight – Warlord’s Wrath
02 Revenge – Evil
03 Ready to Wear – Guardian Angel
04 Inner Rage – Metal Overload
05 Orphan Allies – In The Night
06 Sleek – British Bikes
07 Carrie – The Assassin
08 Robyn Danger – Scream Your Lungs Out
09 Slak Alice – Blow Out
10 Heather Leather – We Came To Destroy
11 Azuzena – Super Star
12 Rough – Nightmare
13 Leathur Panteez – Guttered
14 Black Ghost – Heavy Metal Angel
15 Jaded Lady – On The Run
16 Satanic Rites – Slam The Door
17 Sudden Impact – Poisioned Minds
18 Blacksmith – Louder Than Hell
19 D.C. Lacroix – Crack Of Doom
20 Deathslayer – Raven’s Nest
21 Spotlight – Speedway
COMMERCIAL BREAK.
Posted on March 24, 2016 Leave a Comment
If the bums at MTV finally allow TNUC to program his ManimalTV music video block someday, you better believe we’ll be fine tuning everything to fit the TNUC attitude and way of life. To this day we’ve written them hundreds of letters with carefully executed plans of how to make their channel relevant again to music or anything cool for that matter.
Let us avoid the tired discussion about how bad current MTV is and instead cut right to the chase…
If or when they let TNUC take the reins, prepare for 100% programming dominance. Even when it comes time for commercial breaks, we’ll settle for nothing but the best. Infectious jingles! Wild wardrobes! Dance montages! Celebrity endorsements! Just the way it should be. Bands and companies will be encouraged to submit their own commercials exclusive to ManimalTV, top notch material viewers will only see on our channel.
Now let’s examine a few prime examples of what level of promotional material we’re looking for…
Flair Family Hair Care (feat. Nasty Savage!)
Nasty Savage were a death metal band from Brandon, Florida who made a name for themselves partly due to their over the top stage show, which had things going on like the lead singer smashing TV sets over his head. As intense as their stage antics were, nothing compares to the intensity of this local hair salon commercial featuring these wild stallions filing out of a limo to go get haircuts! You’ll need to watch it 5 more times to be sure you’ve absorbed everything…because there’s A LOT.
I love that they’re getting dropped off at a mall’s hair salon in a limousine by a driver wearing white gloves and a bowtie. “It’s mysterious, it’s incredible, it’s bizarre!”…the build up at the beginning suggests they’re about to enter a steel cage match for a no holds barred, heavy metal assault. Nope, just getting the crusty mops trimmed!
Budweiser (feat. Ronnie James Dio!)
No, you’re not dreaming. Ronnie James Dio slayed the fuck out of a commercial for Budweiser back in 1983. This reworking of the Dio classic “Rainbow in the Dark” is absolutely real and from what we have gathered was played by radio stations for a brief time. It’s still uncertain if a video was actually shot – but if it was – here’s hoping it features the pint sized metal God riding a tiger through the liquor store while singing the song and punching dragons.
Pat’s Chili Dogs (feat. Cinderella!)
Hair-metal-hot-dogs! Long before Cinderella would end up selling 15 million albums worldwide, they were just a pack of struggling rats from the Philadelphia suburbs. Hungry for success. Hungry for fame. Hungry for hot dogs?
Vocalist Tom Kiefer explains in a 2014 interview that a local proprietor in Philly who owned a chili dog stand saw Cinderella in a club and liked them. So he approached the band to film a rock n’ roll commercial for his 24 hour chili dog hangout. When he told them he was buying local advertising on MTV, they were all in. As far as Cinderella were concerned, this was getting on MTV. They shot the video and were able to eat chili dogs for free, anytime they pleased.
Fun Fact: One of the band members was a vegetarian and you can see there’s nothing in his bun at he chomps into it at :24!
Pat’s Dogs, the cook is never tired!
Pat’s Dogs, the steam is always fired!
Two locations, rockin’ all night
MacDade or Lester, come and have a bite at…
Pat’s Dogs, Pat’s Chili Dogs!
Pat’s Dogs, Pat’s Chili Dogs!
uncletnuc.com 