1-900-BOGLINS.

First, here’s a monster announcement if you haven’t already heard:
BOGLINS ARE COMING BACK! 

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Yes, those rubbery troll creatures will soon be crawling up from their swampy bog for a monumental return – due this coming Fall – as mentioned recently by original creator Tim Clarke via his Instagram page. Aside from Tim posting photos of molds and sketches of the new Boglins, information right now is very limited. We’ll have all the breaking news here and on the TNUC Facebook page, so stay tuned.

With that good news out of the way, we can safely move on to the focal point of today’s discussion…the recent discovery of a Boglins 900-hotline! Big thanks to our friend Dan Trashcan of trashcanland who supplied TNUC with this rare commercial. Enjoy.

It’s hard to believe that for a good chunk of years 900-numbers were a real thing. According to New York magazine, the 900-number business was pulling in $975 million per year by 1991. Sleazy boner hotlines and psychic readings were one thing, but celebrity and movie character numbers were so much more strange and wonderful. Paula Abdul. Warrant. The Corey’s. Chucky. Bill & Ted. Freddy Krueger. Not all were successful, but they did all exist at one point. Still though…BOGLINS? 

Well you heard it kids! For $2 per minute, then 35¢ each additional minute, you (yes you!) can hear a personal message from these adorable nasty freaks. It’s too bad lil’ TNUC blew his entire life savings on phone bill charges from dialing 1-900-Steamy-Nights repeatedly during the summer of ’87 because I could’ve gained some helpful knowledge from these guys, like who I should feed my homework to and how to conquer the evil furnace in our basement. Imagine convincing the Boglins over the phone to come join the neighborhood treehouse club? DAMN.

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Anyone that knows me knows I never stop talking about Boglins. It’s mainly because they weren’t just another toy. Boglins seemed too good to be true, like someone yanked them from some practical-effects-heavy horror movie you saw caught at 3 a.m. on TNT’s Monster Vision, then mass produced to invade our homes. Their flexible rubber material is without a doubt the creature’s best feature. If you’ve ever watched Ghoulies or any of the “little gnarly dudes” monster movies of the 1980’s and wondered what these little buggers felt like to pick up without being bitten, Boglins were the closest comparison. It was like having your very own Gremlin or Critter to share a prominent space on your bedroom mantle.

boglin tree

I first discovered Boglins at an old person flea market about 25 years ago. As I was being dragged around in the hot sun and yawning to death while starting at a sea of white puffy heads, antique china, dinnerware and cross-stitch patterns, my attention was drawn to a box with a prison-like bars and something inside staring at me. There it was…a hideous rubber puppet in a caged box with the name “DROOL” stamped on the front. 

Life was never the same.

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