NEW SHIRTS!
Posted on October 5, 2016 2 Comments
††† CLICK HERE TO BUY YOURS TODAY! †††
Crawling outta’ coffins and sneaking into bunk beds for over 3 decades, TNUC is back with a vengeance this October with a brand new slice of paraphernalia for all you lost warriors of the fog! Super limited quantities available (Only 30 made).
Printed on “Tri-Blend” American Apparel tees in Athletic Blue. Made in the USA.
Gift Shop: uncletnuc.bigcartel.com
“Power of the Night
Raise the fist of the metal child!”
GRAVEYARD STOMP.
Posted on October 3, 2016 14 Comments
AT LAST, the time of year when Uncle T feels most alive is here! Pretty soon demons will cry out for him and the manimal within will respond, compelling him to stalk the haunted grounds of CAMP TNUC, thirsting with vulpine ferocity for the taste of apple cider, Reese’s pumpkins and blood.
October is that special time to divulge in all the essentials like moonlit long butts, wet leaves, rubber bats, creaky gates, bite size candy and graveyard guitar solos! It’s not like we don’t partake or cherish those things during the other 11 months of the year, but we celebrate it right now like it’s the last time to do it.
Question for all you dearly devoted disciples. If you could vamp out (rock out) in a foggy cemetery for just one night without the cops showing up or Old Man Rivers chasing you with his pitchfork, what band or artist would you choose to jam with? What music would make you party down in the cemetery like Trash and her friends in Return of the Living Dead? What tunes would prompt you to bend a knee in power-stance-amp-position, on top of a crypt, leather-bound fists clenched and pointed at the moon? Dancing and headbanging into the night?
After careful consideration, my choice would be Dokken, and this goes far beyond the Dream Warriors/Freddy Krueger connection.
George Lynch is one of those guitar dudes whom I’ve always looked up to for his tone and style. He holds the guitar like a goddamned reaper’s scythe and his riffs and solos always give me that chilly nighttime feeling. Aside from the Nightmare on Elm Street thing, Dokken isn’t a band people necessarily associate with horror. They don’t write songs about Satan, witches, murder or anything in the dark realms of bands like Slayer, Candlemass, Ozzy, Bauhaus, WASP or any of the obvious ones. But listen to Lynch’s opening riff to “When Heaven Comes Down” and tell me it’s not the soundtrack to nails popping off a coffin and fog emerging from the casket.
Lynch didn’t need to write riffs for songs about ghouls and rituals to have that guitar sounding like it’s creeping up from a murky basement. Same goes for “Unchain the Night”, “Into the Fire”, “Mr. Scary”, “Kiss of Death” and “Lost Behind the Wall”. The fact that these songs don’t dip into horror themes but still make me want to go for eerie night drives in the middle of nowhere really appeals to me for some reason.
Interesting story about a Dokken music video for one of their other major hits, “Heaven Sent”. Apparently the band was scheduled to shoot the video in a little town during the middle of their tour. They pulled into town but weren’t allowed access to the cemetery so they ended up making a fake cemetery directly outside the gates of the real one. All the headstones you see in the forefront of the video are fake cardboard graves with comical names on them including some of the band and road crew. Watch the video for “Heaven Sent” below and wait for the graveyard solo @ 2:50!
So tell me in the comments section below what band would soundtrack your graveyard stomp. Also, what “non-horror” music unexpectedly lurks into your loins and evokes spooky nighttime feelings?
† 2016 CAMP TNUC MERCH COMING THIS WEEK †
THE CARETAKER.
Posted on September 22, 2016 1 Comment
Before we open up the creaky gates to Camp TNUC and embrace everything this wonderful time of year has to offer, a certain new discovery – usually in the form of music – needs to infiltrate the young minds of all you disciples and also crusty old Uncle T. In the past this pre-October hors d’oeuvre has ranged from synth heavy spookiness to Monster Cereals showing up at the grocery store prematurely in the season.
It just so happens that today, on the first day of Fall, the hauntingly soothing sounds of an artist called The Caretaker are here.
Come along and join us in the reception hall for cocktail hour…
Frightened yet? Well, it doesn’t stop there. This album is the first in a series of Six albums by The Caretaker to be released over the next 3 years “slowly cataloguing the stages of early onset dementia.” As Boomkat further explains, “Each album will reveal new points of progression, loss and disintegration, progressively falling further and further towards the abyss of complete memory loss and nothingness…”
As you can tell, this music is a delicious refreshing sip of punch from what you’ve come to expect to find around here. This is a good thing.
Once the cobwebs settle, the limited vinyl edition is available through Boomkat and digital album on Bandcamp.
The next time I see YOU will be down the dusty path to CAMP TNUC!
WINNERS TAKE IT ALL.
Posted on September 15, 2016 2 Comments
Detention is up! The submissions in last week’s “SCHOOL DAZE” contest are here…
‘SPELLING BEE SAVAGE’ by Skylar Norheim of Ontario, CA.
‘ENGLISH 1’ by Melissa Warlock of Worcester, MA.
‘FOREVER TRUE’ by Melissa Warlock of Worcester, MA.
‘MANIMAL INSTINCT’ by Jake Perry of Los Angeles, CA.
‘RAD TO THE BONE’ by Finlay Sutton of London, GB.
‘HALL MONITOR FROM HELL’ by Corey Hoover of Los Angeles, CA.
‘MR. REMUS DETENTION SESH (18 & Life)’ by Dan Gray of Chicago, IL.
‘FOREIGN EXCHANGE STUDENT: GIORGIO MANIMAL’ by Patrick Fernandez of Madrid, ES.
Δ Δ Δ
***Huge thank you to everyone who entered the contest! You have no idea how much this all means to the Land of TNUC. The top (3) winners will receive an email shortly about their jackpot winnings!***
SCHOOL DAZE.
Posted on September 1, 2016 1 Comment
Whispering the words “back to school” during this time of year is the sort of thing that’ll promise a beating worse than when that rumor went around about you wearing dinosaur pajamas.
For those of you about to drag out those Trapper Keepers and lunchbox/thermos sets, Uncle T is here to ease some of your suffering by offering up a art project submission that he calls the “SCHOOL DAZE” contest!
SCHOOL DAZE CONTEST: REMEMBER YOUR OLD NOTEBOOK FROM HIGH SCHOOL? YOU KNOW, THE ONE WITH THE BAND LOGOS ALL OVER IT? DEATH THREATS TO THE PRINCIPAL? LETTERS TO R.L. STINE? DEF LEPPARD LYRICS? GRIM REAPER DOODLES? I ♥ WANDA? THAT’S THE ONE.
DIG YOURS OUT AND USING A PENCIL, DRAW YOUR VERSION OF TNUC’S “MANIMAL” IN HIS MOST TEENAGE-ANGSTY, MISCHIEVOUS, NASTY ATTITUDE HIGH SCHOOL FORM. YOU NEED NOT BE AN “ARTIST” BECAUSE THAT NEVER MATTERED WHEN YOU WERE FIFTEEN AND IT CERTAINLY DOESN’T MATTER NOW. ALL WE ASK IS THAT YOU KEEP IT TRUE TO HIGH SCHOOL/MIDDLE SCHOOL/ELEMENTARY SCHOOL DOODLES AND SKETCHES. ALSO BE SURE TO INCLUDE A TNUC LOGO SOMEWHERE. SO USE YOUR CHILDISH IMAGINATION AND DON’T THINK ABOUT IT TOO HARD! THE TOP (3) SUBMISSIONS WILL RECEIVE A TNUC GRAB-BAG OF TNUC STUFF (“Manimal” t-shirt, stickers, VHS tape + more!)
*Submit artwork by 9/15/2016 to uncletnuc@gmail.com*
♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦
On a side note, raise your hands if the most exciting thing in school was leaving class for the SCHOLASTIC BOOK FAIR. Fuck yes.
For many of us delinquents the school book fair was a little slice of paradise smack in the middle of a day of discipline, awkwardness and mystery-meat hot lunch. An escape from the dullness of a classroom into a world of new discoveries from the likes of R.L. Stine, Matt Christopher, Sweet Valley Twins, Christopher Pike, Full House TV scrapbooks, Mr. Sketch colored marker sets and Lisa Frank stickers. Book fairs allowed kids to discover what actually interested us instead of what teachers made us read. For many of us, this especially meant new GOOSEBUMPS.
The slime-green Goosebumps bookshelf display at the book fair was all the rage if you grew up around the same time as dear old Uncle T. The classic R.L. Stine collection really struck at the right time and place in 1992, providing just enough scares to keep youngster’s imaginations going berserk and parent’s wallets emptying. If that drippy, bumpy lettering and incredible artwork by Tim Jacobus didn’t pull you in like a tractor beam, you needed a pulse check.
“READER BEWARE, YOU’RE IN FOR A SCARE”
*Get those High School “Manimal” submissions to uncletnuc@gmail.com by Thursday, September 15th!*
AUGUST’S LOCAL HOT SPOT OF THE MONTH: THE STRIP CLUBS OF ‘GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS’.
Posted on August 23, 2016 1 Comment
To this day I can’t drive by a “gentlemen’s club” and not think of the undisputed, undefeated heavyweight champion of strip club anthems. If those familiar neon lights, or curvy writing spelling out sultry sayings immediately don’t make you start humming Mötley Crüe’s ‘Girls Girls Girls’, we simply grew up with different interests.
For a young, aspiring Manimal like Uncle TNUC, the band’s portrayal of an exotic dancing nightspot was somewhere I definitely wanted to be. Smokey, dimly lit clubs with ladies thrusting around to chugging guitars. No windows. A dangerous scent mixture of menthol, Kmart perfume and sweat. Leather! Lace! Long Butts!
The music video depicts that ideal atmosphere and what you really want when you step inside one of these places: women and good tunes. Simple as that. Absolutely NOT a bunch of lonely men being hustled while some atrocious R&B music plays over the PA. So if the last time you entered a strip joint wasn’t everything you dreamed it would be — forgetting the part when you learned that the 6’5″ Samoan dancer with the buff thighs named Maurice was actually a man — it’s time you revisited the undeniable ruler of stripper war cries and our Local-Hot-Spot-Of-The-Month for August, Mötley Crüe’s ‘Girls, Girls, Girls’!
The first time TNUC rode down Sunset Blvd in a stretch convertible limo with a built-in Jacuzzi, our plan was to hit the three Los Angeles based booby traps Vince Neil references in the song’s lyrics – The Body Shop, Seventh Veil and The Tropicana. Following our visit to these notorious Southern Californian clam shacks, we wondered what was happening with the remaining four clubs he mentions in the song…
1) Thee Dollhouse | Ft. Lauderdale, FL
Everyone knows the state of Florida is the MECCA of sultry establishments. From Daytona Beach to Miami, the warm climate and popular spring break destination has generated a record number of businesses offering dreamy desires and midnight heat. Thee Dollhouse was one of the most frequented chains in the sunshine state, operating in both Tampa and Orlando. Currently the Tampa location is open and also a club in Myrtle Beach.
2) Tattletale | Atlanta, GA
Don’t let the subtle daytime appearance of Atlanta’s Tattletale Lounge fool you, this place has the word sleazy smeared all up inside it (among other things). Word on the street is that every night at midnight the ladies all do a dance to ‘Girls, Girls, Girls’ and give you a t-shirt if you purchase two lap dances. Tattletale have been riding the publicity of their club being mentioned in the hit song for almost three decades, and they probably don’t plan on stopping anytime soon.
3) The Seventh Veil | Hollywood, CA
Truly an infamous adult entertainment landmark of America, The Seventh Veil is the steamiest club on this list due to the actual music video being filmed there. If you’re planning on visiting LA and embarking on a rock n’ roll debauchery tour, this place should be high up on the list. It’s prime location on Sunset Blvd and 24/hr blinking neon lights are very hard to miss, even if you’re flying down the street on a Harley Davidson, nonstop shade tippin’ and eyebrow raisin’.
4) Crazy Horse | Paris, FR
Crazy Horse is a nude cabaret show in Paris which doesn’t share many of the deadbeat qualities of the other clubs on this list. The legendary French club has been around since the 1950’s and features nude dancing, magic, mimes and even juggling acts (think Rusty Griswold meeting his exotic dancer girlfriend in European Vacation).
5) Body Shop | West Hollywood, CA
As prolific historian/seasoned FBI agent Angelo Pappas would say, “LA has changed a lot…the air got dirty and the sex got clean”. Stiff California laws prohibit The Body Shop from selling alcohol because the girls here dance full nude. It’s a real kick to the crotch, but as long as you have a driver sitting idle outside the club with a trunk full of Löwenbräu and ‘ludes, frequent trips outside will be necessary for a red-hot evening. Located directly on the Sunset Strip in West Hollywood and still very much in operation (even after the place burned down a few years ago).
6) Marble Arch | Vancouver, BC
For some reason I always figured Marble Arch was a cocaine reference, but it’s actually a once-functioning stripper haven in Canada. Whenever the Crüe’s touring cycle had them playing in Vancouver, the boys were sure to stop by this seedy establishment to engage in full frontal nastiness and all the “Krell” they could enjoy. [No photo of Marble Arch available].
7) The Hollywood Tropicana | Los Angeles, CA
You’re out at the bar again with some friends. A lame sports event plays on the TV monitors that no one’s paying attention to. After drinking a few of the same old domestic drafts while a cheese-dick music selection plays in the background, you consider calling it a night.
WORST TNUC TALE, I KNOW (sorry). Now close your eyes and imagine your body drifting to a land where the mud and oil flows like honey over hardbodied foxes who duel it out in a wrestling ring. For roughly 10 years that dream was a reality at The Hollywood Tropicana. For those seeking an outrageous evening and something a little different from the norm, this local landmark was the place to be.
Of course the Crüe were regulars, most notably Vince Neil who met mud wrestler Sharise and ended up marrying her in 1987. They split up in ’93. For a complete history of The Tropicana, definitely check out TNUC’s ‘Mud Wrestling Madness’ feature from 2015 at this location!
Knight and shining armor Vince Neil carrying his bride-to-be out of the Seventh Veil in the music video.
[Local-Hot-Spot-Of-The-Month is a adrenaline-thrusting history lesson and celebration of signature hangout spots one might recognize from television, film or real life. Our objective is to not just rediscover and dissect these places, but more importantly create a feeling like you’re really there. Take your time with these entries. Hang out. Turn some music on.
To visit the rest of ’em, go here.]
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