JANUARY’S SLOB OF THE MONTH: LARDASS HOGAN.

Wait just a second. Just what in tarnation is “Slob of the Month”?

[Slob-Of-The-Month is a monthly tribute and sloppy spotlight on a chosen few classic slobs that have graced the screen and stage. We’re not just here for the big-bellied behemoths. Slobs come in ALL shapes and sizes. Fat, skinny, sleazy, nasty, smelly and everything in between. They don’t care about personal appearance. They lack basic hygiene. While some people might remember great slob performances, stamina isn’t their strong suit. They don’t stick around very long. Some collapse from heart attacks. Some never reach the 9th grade. Some drink or eat themselves into oblivion. Now ALL will be resurrected and spotlighted in this monthly feature. Let’s all remember this crucial quote from Animal House: “fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son”. Hooray for slobs.]

Now it’s time to crown our Slob-Of-The-Month for January, and I can’t think of a more appropriate candidate…

Chow down, wide load! When it comes to epic Barf-o-Rama scenes from chronicles of film history, one man sits in a throne above the rest…David “Lardass” Hogan! Believe me, Uncle T prides himself in being a historian of classic vomiters and I fully disclose that no single human being champions this category better than Lieutenant Lardass.

In 1986’s Stand By Me, the classic coming-of-age story adapted from the Stephen King story “The Body”, main character Gordy shares the epic tale about a taunted fat boy named David Hogan, nicknamed “Lardass”, who enters a blueberry pie-eating contest to get revenge on the people who’ve made fun of him. It’s one of the best stories-within-a-story scenes of all time and if you’ve made it this far in life without seeing Stand By Me, please seek help.

At the start of the pie-eating contest, the camera pans to Lardass chugging a bottle of Castor Oil and eating a raw egg just before the start of the contest. Minutes later, all hell brakes loose in a vomit fest unlike any other to this day.

Andy Lindberg, the actor who played Lardass, spoke to Yahoo in 2016 about his experience on set.

“Some of the pies melted because it was so hot. After awhile, it got pretty rancid, and there was only so much cleanup they could do. There was just sticky, hot, decomposing blueberry pie gook all over the place. Every day when I would leave the set, I had grass clippings and blueberry pie stuff stuck to my shoes. In one of the big group vomit scenes, they passed out bags of this blueberry pie filling that people concealed in their mouths. They’d call out a number and the No. 1s would spit theirs up. When they called cut after one scene, there was this little 5-year-old kid in the front who was crying. It turned out that he had actually thrown up all over himself! I have no idea if that take made it into the movie…”