CASTLE TNUC (Chapter 3).
His serpentine eyes pierced the mist, stopping Roxie right in her tracks. She couldn’t move, she couldn’t look away, she was completely transfixed by the fiery, penetrating gaze. The music began to churn slower and slower as if the syncopated Italo basslines were mirroring the slow, swirling movements of the fog itself. She stared directly into those jade green irises as they began to hypnotically spin ever so slowly. Eventually, the mist, the music, and the night itself began to swirl together, spiraling down into Amazonian depths.
Meanwhile, Ricky and Linda were rustling around, desperately searching for their missipng partner.
“Hey, take a look at this,” Ricky called Linda over while dusting off an ancient looking lever.
“Wait! Don’t touch it,” Linda cried, but it was too late. The floor came out from under them, and they fell directly into a…bedroom? Ricky looked at masks lined wall to wall, along with heavy metal and movie posters, an eyeball stress ball, gore props, and severed zombie heads. The Manimal had taken the two teens directly into his bedroom circa Summer School.
Linda found herself in the bed, face to face with an axed brain, when an alarm clock started going off beside her. Just as she went for it the ceiling came crashing down from above. Through the ceiling came a monstrous version of the legendary hand alarm clock, scanning for victims as if it were a crane trying to grab onto stuffed animals. Someone must be controlling it, Ricky thought as he took cover in a pile of body props, watching the giant hand jolt back and forth. Finally the hand lowered directly onto Linda’s head! She screamed as it pulled her head clean off, then neatly placed it down next to the other zombie heads.
Ricky covered his eyes in horror, then a familiar voice started calling to him.
“Psssttt. Hey, over here.”
Ricky uncovered his eyes just barely, half afraid to look.
“Right behind you puss-lips.” It was Snake, or rather Snake’s severed head.
“Remember the mammories…Ricky, find those gigantic badonkas. You must…,” and with that his head rolled back into the wall, clicked into place, and opened a new doorway. He could hear a woman’s voice chanting an ethereal hymn from realms beyond his darkest desires.
As he passed under the stone archway, he came to a long hallway where his footsteps echoing off the marble floors were accompanied by the beautiful song of the sirens with their golden harps. The mists in front of him started to take on the shape of a woman – Elvira. She floated along the marble floors, coaxing Ricky forward with promises of eternal cleavage. Then she took Ricky gently by the hand, and lowered him onto a velvet-upholstered chair, before finally taking her place amongst a row of figures and busts cast in white stone.
Could this be the moment he’s been waiting seemingly his whole life for? He recalled the countless hours he and Snake had lost to Elvira reruns, just waiting for those luscious bazookas to burst free from their gothic cage. She looked directly into his eyes, bending down a little further, unbuttoning her top button.
“This is really it. Oh man, if only Snake could see this,” he said as he tightened his grip on the arms of the chair. But something isn’t right. Her hair began moving on it’s own, twisting and coiling together. Her eyes began to glow purple. She unbuttoned another. Now her hair began to slither and squirm. Ricky was covered in sweat now, only one button away from the promised land. He heard the hissing of snakes, and could almost feel their writhing, but he dared not look away from Elvira’s bosom as she undid the last button, ripping open her shirt, and casting Ricky in eternal stone, to be immortalized forever amongst the sculptures in Castle TNUC.
And now our tale of the fates of those who dared enter Castle TNUC comes to a close with Roxie. Poor Roxie, lost amidst the swirling, serpentine stare of the Manimal. The ‘ludes, the murky way-slo, the spiraling eyes, all come to a sudden climax of hissing air vents and smoke. The Manimal’s eyes now glowed red like embers from behind the walls of smoke, and his jaws unhinged, revealing the forked tongue of the serpent. And from the darkness beyond came the throttle of an engine revving to life. The smoke cleared. There he sat. Golden locks, dangling cross in one ear, leather jacket, engine roaring throughout Castle TNUC. He rode down the forked tongue, grabbed Roxie, and tossed her over his shoulder.
“Rocking the Night Away” by Witch Cross started blasting and the Manimal, now with prey, rode back up the tongue and into the darkness beyond. Its jaws closed, swallowing all into the night.
Will Castle TNUC’s funhouse visit your town next? Will you be seduced by his powers of the night?