There are a number of ways one can be plunged into a deep abyss of seduction. From the ripping sounds of a late night saxophone moaning through the night air to the powerful, sensual stylings of an Aerobics studio, seduction can come at any striking moment. If anyone knows, it’s TNUC.

Today’s installment is one of great importance. This clip is just a mere glimpse into the brilliance that is the 1984 aerobic-exploitation film, Heavenly Bodies. Just a fair warning, don’t feel bad when your lifting your jaw up from the floor after you witness the glistening, golden, sweaty delight that is Heavenly Bodies. Girls in leotards, endless montages, crotch-thrusting, abandoned warehouses turned into dance studios…just riveting. Here at the TNUC dome, these things are staples of our lifestyle.

Locating Heavenly Bodies on VHS is rare, but don’t fret because the legendary midnight-maniac event New Beverly Midnights here in Los Angeles has screened the flick twice already, and will continue to do so for years to come. TNUC of course attended this years annual event, and let me say, catching this film on the big screen is the way it was meant to be seen. With that said, Heavenly Bodies has only been shown at the theaters three times. Once for its premier in Canada, and twice at New Beverly!

Like the movie, the soundtrack is a rare find. Originally, I had thought of only posting one song from the soundtrack. But that would be weak. At this pummeling dance-ersize studio, these limber ladies have no time for weakness, they’re here for one reason: To turn that mush into muscle! So here’s the soundtrack…sweat, spandex and all.

Heavenly Bodies (1984) download (alt. link)
1. Bonnie Pointer – The Beast in Me
2. Sparks – Breaking Out of Prison
3. The Tubes – Out of Control
4. Cheryl Lynn – At Last You’re Mine
5. Marc Tanner – Look What You’ve Done to Me
6. Gary Wright – Breakthrough
7. Dwight Tilley – Keep on Working
8. Bonnie Pointer – Heaven
9. Joe Lamont – Love Always Wins
10. Boys Brigade – Into the Flow


We’re in the heart of the summer, and what better way to celebrate the sun and the heavenly bodies that grace our beaches than listening to a track with a lethal dosage of saxophone. Smooth, seductive, summer sax.

Enter Lovelock. I won’t go into specifics about the Lovelock project, because I think the masterminds over at 20 Jazz Funk Greats said it best…
“giant shimmering pirate ships cruising through the blackest space on a sea of laser beams bursting forth from crumbling suns.”

Wait for the luscious sounds of the sax to arrive half-way into the song. The marriage of the saxophone and synthesizers is a shot of pure bliss to the senses.

See YOU at the beach. Better pack some watermelon with those cocktails!


By popular demand, here’s the aforementioned Van Damme naked butt scene from Bloodsport. Why post this? Why be gay? The way I see it, only back in 1988 does a scene like this get a pass. These days, if someone like Matthew McConnahay pulled something like this on screen, I’d probably start throwing tomatoes and heads of cabbage at the T.V. Pay attention to the look on the girl’s face. It isn’t every day you wake up to find Jean-Claude walking around your apartment in a burgundy speedo. What a Sunday surprise!


March 12, 1984. A day for the ages.

It was on this fateful night that the infamous Los Angeles discotheque TECH-NOIR was forced to close it’s doors, for good.

It all began on a fairly standard night at the club. The usual crowd were burning up the dance floor as a sea of fog and neon drenched over the future-disco lovers. If you had any brains or balls, you wouldn’t dare miss Thursday nights @ Tech-Noir. Even if that meant getting dropped off at the front by your mom in the family station-wagon, getting there was the goal, by any means necessary.

Then on one particular Thursday, the joint was at capacity. Literally every one was out that night. Valley girls, punkers, bikers, video vamps, corporate slugs, fiends, breakers, weekend warriors, rat-tails and even a couple C.H.U.D.’s were seen prowling the dance floor (if you don’t know about C.H.U.D.’s, drop a comment and I’ll clue you in). It was an exceptionally fun night, dancing with friends and strangers through the fog and chain-linked-fenced partitions, well at least up until a menace machine from the future showed up, sent to kill the mother of resistance leader John Connor, to thus prevent the birth of Connor and his future rebellion. What a bummer! This footage is the only thing we could salvage from the fateful night…

Once the club had been trashed from that moody cyborg and his buddies, Tech-Noir was forced to close its doors.


We can’t end this post like that. Tech-Noir shouldn’t be a memory, it should be a lifestyle. It’s time we bring this club back to Los Angeles! If you miss the massive TECH-NOIR blinking sign and the smell of aquanet that made this club what it was in 1984, join TNUC in supporting this worthy cause!

Here’s a crucial cut that can be heard pulsating through the young crowd at Tech-Noir if we can generate enough supporters to re-open it’s doors. Sit back, close your eyes and feel the future.



Nothing defines depression more than when my VCR located in the TNUC lair crashes and burns. I suppose too many VHS viewings of Road House and Dolph Lundgren workout tapes will do this to a piece of technology, so I get it. Just the other day, I stumbled on a place located on the outskirts of Los Angeles called Spudic’s Movie Empire. This place is a pure VHS-gasm that everyone needs to check out. The walls of this goldmine are adorned with more Video Home Systems (VHS’s) than you’ve seen in quite a while. Plus, they even have a LASER-DISC section…BONER. It was there that I purchased a new VCR and to accompany it, a VHS of my choice for free. So naturally I went with 1984’s Thief of Hearts.

This slice of erotica stars Steven Bauer, most commonly known for playing the character “Manny”, the best friend and right-hand-man of Tony Montana. It’s too bad this thriller didn’t get the recognition like other’s of it’s genre such as Fatal Attraction and Basic Instinct. But hey, who can compete with sexual-tyrannosaurus Michael Douglas!

The soundtrack is the real moment of paramount in this lost gem which was produced by Harold Faltermeyer except for two tracks featuring production duties from Giorgio Moroder. The first I’d like to share is a crotch-thrusting anthem entitled “Just Imagine (Way Beyond Fear)”. The soaring synth and snarling guitars are the perfect sounds for taking your girl dancing through the damp and steamy-filled alleys of the city, during the darkest of nights. Haunting, yet calming…have a listen.

Beth Andersen & Joe Esposito – Just Imagine (Way Beyond Fear) download
(prod. Harold Faltermeyer)

This next number isn’t so much of a dreamscape like the previous track, and it certainly isn’t for your girlfriend. Simply titled “Thief of Hearts”, this sleaze-filled anthem is a pulsating theme best played for calling your regular, week-to-week escort, picking her up in your 87′ Monte Carlo and heading to the bowling alley. Enjoy.

Melissa Manchester – Thief of Hearts download
(prod. Giorgio Moroder)




…I’ve gotta go with my girl Kelly Bundy, the product of Al Bundy’s omnipotent semen. But that’s not the only reason I’m choosing this hell-bent-for-leather bombshell. Yes, she’s a bit of a bird-brain, but something about her tells me she’s a savage in the sack!
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