MURDER CAPITAL OF THE WORLD.

Posted on July 6, 2011     5 Comments

Ah, summertime in Santa Carla, California. Once the birthplace of TNUC, and now memories which bring back day trips on our Yamaha’s, ripping down the beach to the yearly carnival. The fried dough, cotton candy and corn dogs could be smelt a mile away. Street vendors, piercing booths, airbrush t-shirt stands and hardbodies graced the busy streets.

 
This friendly, inviting, sandy corner of California was quite a different scene when night fell. Believe me, TNUC should know, he’s been banned from the boardwalk since 1987. Before that time, we ran the boardwalk and were the symbol and spirit of teenage invincibility. Hell, even the carny workers listened to us.
It would start out with a pretty typical friday night. I’d be greasing up the Yamaha in Old Man Covington’s garage, periodically checking in on him, waiting for him to finish that last drop of whatever snake-piss he got himself into that night. As soon as he knocked out and I had fed my pet Iguana, I would roll the motorbike ever-so quietly out of the driveway, the only slight noises would be coming from the tires rolling over the black, slick pavement from last night’s rain.
Cue the late night warrior roam. Like a hungry heard of stylin’ bison, we would take the night on with a vengeance, and we weren’t the only ones. All the cave dwellers would come out when the sun went down. Stylistically speaking, wardrobe malfunctions just didn’t exist during those days. Donning a leather trench coat, one dangling cross earring, a torn up mesh shirt and gloves w/ cutoff fingertips would start you out in the right direction. Some fresh bleach through the hair and a sharp switchblade wouldn’t hurt either. Once you were ready to take on the night, the possibilities were endless. Maybe you’d start out intimidating people on the merry-go-round…and then work your way up to having a “feast around the fire”. We can’t divulge too much information here to the public, but lets just say, it all depended on how far you were willing to go.

UTMOST CLASS AND SOPHISTICATION.

Posted on July 4, 2011     3 Comments

Bryan Ferry will always be the classiest gentleman in the room. Effortlessly he prowls the party, looking as upscale as ever, but never forced or looking like he spent a great deal of time “trying”. He grabs a drink from the tray the waiter is walking around with, fiddles around in his pocket for that gram of Colombian he bought hours earlier, and meanders himself and his tassel-loafers over to the most stunning girl in the room.

 Play this song on a first date and see what develops.

SPIROS 3: THE FINAL ECLIPSE.

Posted on June 14, 2011     6 Comments

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Dear TNUC, 

This is a first person account of my journey into The Final Eclipse:

Deep in the Mediterranean, a light, misty rain filled the air and a crisp breeze blew in from the sea. I lit my cigarette and continued to stroll down the empty beach, the faint scent of lotion, oils, and hardbodies from the day accented the strong smell of the sea and the wet sand. Tonight was not a starry night for the sky was shrouded in a thin, vaporous fog. Pericing through the sky was a lunar eclipse which gave the beach a rather peculiar glow and set the tone for this magical encounter.
 
I heard a distant echo reverberating over the sea, reaching out, calling to me. Off in the distance, was a beautiful villa on a cliff overlooking the Mediterranean. I approached closer and closer to this mysterious villa and the sound became clearer and clearer. I noticed swirling smoke emanating from a balcony, pouring from a scantly lit dark blue room. When I finally made it to the villa the front door was open leading directly to the stairwell. The music stopped, all I heard was the breeze blowing through the windows, waves crashing against the nearby cliffs, and my own footsteps reverberating as if by design, throughout this majestic villa.
 
I opened the door leading to the balcony and saw curtains blowing, candles lit, the lighting was scantly blue. A soft rain was pelting against the windows, a fireplace surrounded by brass vases of various sizes warmed up the room. I sat down in a velvet chair, oblivious to the fact that I was about to experience a journey of intrigue, of passion, of sunshine, of THE NIGHT that could only come out of a place like this. Almost on cue, SPIROS walked in, like a phantom. Effortlessly he grabbed a record, put it on the record player and dropped the needle. He pressed play, the vinyl cracked and this began THE FINAL ECLIPSE.

-Anonymous

JOYPOPP – VOLUPTÉ [VIDEO PREMIERE].

Posted on May 31, 2011     6 Comments


J O Y P O P P – V O L U P T É //THE VIDEO//
TNUC Home Video
℗ 2011 Binary Records
 
☆☆☆TNUC’s TANTALIZING TAGLINE CONTEST☆☆☆
A scenario: Its a cold, stormy afternoon. Mom surprisingly bought your story of being too sick to go to school and Dad is too wrapped up in the corporate world and office life to give a damn. You’ve got the day to yourself and you can think of nothing better than walking down to your local video outlet to see what new VHS titles have arrived in the erotic thriller section.
 
The walk down to the store in the rain feels like forever, and you pause for a moment, thinking maybe you should have just put on the Lifetime Movie Network to feed your erotic thirst, but no, you’re stronger than that, and you’re looking for something better, so you continue the journey. Finally you arrive. You’re suddenly pulled in from some hypnotic tractor beam through a thick, dense fog into the erotic thriller section. The never-ending collection of irresistible titles and cover artwork at your video store is overwhelming. All those women, the long legs, black stalkings, full-body fishnets, dangerous deceptions, voyeurism, silhouetted outlines, red lipstick and of course the seduced and helpless looks on the faces of every man. You begin to sweat. You want to take each and every VHS home with you and start a vicious collection. But you can’t, you’re forced to make the decision of choosing ONE title. Which ONE will it be? Which ONE piece of cover artwork is going to steal your desires? Which ONE tagline is going to rob your heart and pull you in? 

Disciples, this is the TNUC TANTALIZING TAGLINE CONTEST. Everyone knows theres nothing like a provocative, tantalizing tagline placed so gracefully on the cover of an erotic thriller VHS box to lure you in and make you bravely go up to the store clerk and hand over your chosen rental. This is where TNUC needs your help! If you have what it takes to come up with the sexiest, beastiest tagline for his new video, YOU win yourself a TNUC T-Shirt + DVD copy of all TNUC video paraphernalia ever released! Here are a few examples of red-hot taglines used for classics in sultry cinema:

She was seduced into a world of sexual adventure…and dangerous deception.

Too provocative to resist. Too dangerous to ignore.
A woman to die for. A secret to kill for.
Step into a world of private fantasies and forbidden pleasures.
Trapped by a burning secret, torn by a blazing desire.
The only thing hotter than her dreams…is reality.
He stole her diaries, broke into her dreams and became her desires.
 
Do you have what it takes? Watch the video, multiple times if needed, then submit your tagline entries to the official TNUC Facebook page by June 14th, 2011 to win one of these hot numbers!

100% Cotton (sz S/M/L)
200% The teachers gonna hate it
300% MANIMAL

BLIND TIPPING.

Posted on May 29, 2011     4 Comments

Time to take a plunge into the art and lifestyle of Blind Tipping. Its a genre that is often shadowed by its more popular older brother, the genre of Shade Tipping. Michael J. Fox, Corey Feldman and Tom Cruise were hard supporters of lowering their sunglasses and brought this movement to all us video vamps. But today we’re spotlighting their much less talked about, younger-bastard children, the Blind Tippers. 

Have any other Blind Tippers in your collection? Share them at Facebook.com/UncleTNUC

RENEGADE.

Posted on May 22, 2011     1 Comment

He was a cop, and good at his job. But he committed the ultimate sin and testified against other cops gone bad. Cops that tried to kill him, but got the woman he loved instead. Framed for murder, now he prowls the badlands. An outlaw hunting outlaws, a bounty hunter, a RENEGADE.

It was only a matter of time before Lorenzo Lamas and his ride-like-the-wind chopper came tearing up the dusty, sunbaked highway to Camp TNUC. Renegade was the story of Reno Raines, a man framed for a crime he didn’t commit. Raines becomes a fugitive and is chased by Bobby Sixkiller, played by Branscombe Richmond. This face should look familiar, after all, he was THE go-to Native American muscle of the 1980’s.

 

Just some of his film & television work you also might have caught him in:

Commando
Knight Rider
Never Too Young To Die
The A-Team
Action Jackson
Misfits of Science
Best Seller
T.J. Hooker
Hero and the Terror
Airwolf
Hard to Kill
Falcon Crest
The Taking of Beverly Hills
Hawaiian Heat
Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man
T.J. Hooker
Showdown in Little Tokyo
Magnum P.I.
Kindergarten Cop
Baywatch
McGyver
Night Court
Walker, Texas Ranger

MOLTEN HEAT