WRONG PLANET.
Posted on November 13, 2025 Leave a Comment
GATEKEEPER are back to take us on a decent into madness with the new album, Wrong Planet.
It’s been over a decade since their last recorded music and we as fans, supporters and disciples wondered if the synth-psychos were finished. While the occasional DJ mix and fashion show score would surface throughout the years, it didn’t appear that fully developed, new music was of interest from the group. This notion was particularly agonizing because Gatekeeper were really, I mean REALLY onto something. In a sea of electro copycats of the time, they carved their own path and were always sonically against the grain. The ominous, fantasy-dungeon synths and exotic textures are incomparable to anything – especially their contemporaries.
I caught Gatekeeper’s live show a number of times in Los Angeles and it was always memorable. Instead of the typical backdrop of screens, they utilized chain-link fence, palm plants and of course — a gargantuan amount of fog. Their music has aged like a fine goblet of wine over the years and still sounds ahead of its time. I always admired this about them and it made the project unforgettable. I still listen to 2009’s Optimus Maximus and 2010’s Giza as if they were fresh, new releases.
Well someone must have solved the puzzle box to summon the synth duo from the murky depths because they are back with a vengeance on the new album, Wrong Planet.
Pardon my French, but this album is completely fucking insane. I might as well just end the review right here and insist that everyone reading this go enter the realm at www.WRONG-PLANET.com. As with all Gatekeeper albums, they’ve created a visual accompaniment which is a must-see part of the listening experience. In the past the group have released everything from an HDVHS tape of music videos to a custom USB flash drive. This time around we’re getting a “visualizer” Winamp player straight out of a computer nightmare circa 1997. The work they’ve put into what’s presented here for Wrong Planet is staggering and so damn impressive. Check it out for yourself…they have such sights to show you.
The songs on the album see the duo return to their medieval paradise but it’s expanded and morphed into something heavier. To my ears it’s less about ‘old sounds’ and ‘future sounds’ and instead exists on its own plane, devoid of time and space. It’s refreshing to hear because they originally tapped into such an unmistakable sound with their earlier releases but just when it felt like it was going to peak, they detoured.
Wrong Planet is an achievement that perfectly defines what makes Gatekeeper stand out from the rest. Tracks like ‘Breadmaker’, ‘Rats’ and ‘Hibernal Torment’ are probably what the Cenobites would have been listening to down in whatever hellscape they lived in. This is one of those rare pieces of work that you will want to live inside for a while. Experience the new sounds, chimes and ear candy that just doesn’t exist…or at least hasn’t until now. There is a lot to unfold.
Gatekeeper aren’t simply resorting back to old tricks. It’s quite the opposite as the group discovers a heaviness and confidence that creeps from their lair and is poised to smother today’s musical landscape. Be warned. It’s about to get very interesting.
“Beneath the earth still lies phantasmic emerald paradises”
– Elijah Blue Allman
AT DAWN HE SLEEPS.
Posted on October 24, 2025 8 Comments
Grave news for people who thought Count T had vanished for all of eternity since lesbian vampires turned him into a castle rat after placing a curse on him over a decade ago.
I know that opening sentence is a lot to sink your fangs into, so here’s some clarification: Back in 2013, fresh on the heels of the “Death to False Vamps” mixtape, the hottest bloodsucking mixtape in all of medieval Europe, Count T and his countesses were riding high on success. They threw lavish parties at Castle TNUC and spent their shillings on every luxurious item imaginable. We’re talking new hunchbacked servants, jesters, wenches, executioners, platinum horse-drawn carriages, a state-of-the-art dungeon, the world’s biggest pipe organ, a pack of wolves, magic mirrors, mountains of cocaine and a beer-filled moat around the castle. Special guests flocked to the castle from the likes of Charles Bronson, Anna Nicole Smith, Eddie Van Halen, Leslie Nielsen and Bela Lugosi. Yes, it was indeed a dead man’s party and who could ask for more?
At this high peak of Count T’s reign over the gypsies and dominance over the villages, suddenly there appeared to be a very serious decline in vampires VS vampiresses. While the female over male ratio was never a problem for Count T (of course he preferred it), this was a glaring problem that needed to be rooted out. Our male vamp population was dwindling.
It was soon discovered from his private-investigator-dwarf-slave that a trio of lesbian vampires named Fran, Mirium and Gertrude had been “offing” our male talent. These dastardly women had a stronger passion than the love they shared…an unnatural lust for the blood of all men!
Vampires killing vampires. What was their intention, you ask? To cast out all men (including their leader) and take over the castle.
One evening while Count T was nestled softly in his satin-lined coffin after a long night of bloody marys and bloody marias, the wicked wenches broke into his quarters and cursed him — turning him into a castle rat!
For the next 12 years, Count T spent his life as a furry vermin inside the murky dungeon and cobwebbed staircases of the castle. However what the wenches failed to realize was that his entire time was spent plotting and planning their demise…and eating lots of cheese. He had a newfound respect for medieval rodents as he knew the transformation was not permanent. Soon he would reign again and reclaim the dark throne as the most feared and lusted over Count in all of old Gothic Europe.
“Furry T” and the other radical rats of the castle formed a colony and with the assistance of a hideous but intelligent leper who was chained up in the dungeon, they crafted a mixtape of songs to conjure the bloodthirsty spirit of Count T. They called it AT DAWN HE SLEEPS.
So they listened and so the sounds reverberated through every nook and cranny of the ancient castle. Lightning struck. Wolves howled. Candelabras ignited. Buxom barmaids loosened their tops. Our resident organ player played a note so sinister it would have brought Beethoven to his knees. The colony of rats made their way to the countesses’ room and devoured them to dust. As for the gory, ghastly and ghoulish one known as Count T, he arose from his coffin with a smile. HAPPY HALLOWEEN.
A big thanks to @razorsinthenight__ for killing it with this year’s artwork!
Maximum respect to everyone who visits this site, reads the articles and listens!
CAN’T YOU SEE THE WITCH?
Posted on October 21, 2025 Leave a Comment
Have a look at these wickedly cool, ACTUAL high school yearbooks from Salem High.
The town of Salem has embraced their witchy historical roots in different ways for as long as I can remember, from the endless amount of witch-themed gift shops, to the museums, tours, restaurants and even local government structures. (The city’s police department has a witch on their badge).
Everything from magic parlors and haunted hot dogs — to a Satanic temple and a torture museum, it’s the best place to visit if you’re a fan of spooky fun. Uncle T has traveled to Salem more times that I can swing my scythe at but with each visit I discover something new.
Finding these old yearbooks got TNUC reminiscing about 2023’s Halloween mixtape – THE WITCHING HOUR. It’s one that we’re particularly proud of.
If you haven’t listened in a while, I urge you to revisit during your next car ride journey into the mist (while you anxiously await the 2025 Halloween mix!)
HAUNTING THE CHAPEL, PART 3.
Posted on October 15, 2025 1 Comment
Today’s quiet stroll into an ancient burial ground leads us to the village of Yarmouth Port, Massachusetts, a quaint town made up of colonial homes, inns and manors, some of which date back to the 17th century and are nestled on the salt marshes and shores of Cape Cod Bay. For history buffs, towns that maintain their natural, unchanged beauty are some the best places to discover legends and tales from the past. For Uncle T, all it takes is locating the oldest graveyard in town and like a vortex he is guided to the most imposing structure on the land, this time a beautiful mausoleum.
The name “SEARS 1857” looms large over the white, Gothic-style door. The imposing structure contains the remains of Joshua Sears, a wealthy merchant and ship owner who was born in Yarmouth and died in 1857. Joshua was the son of Ebenezer Sears who served in the Revolution as a solider and later a sea captain who was master of the first ship flying the American flag to round the Cape of Good Hope enroute to India. The mausoleum highlights the nearby Sears family plot which contains approximately 25 graves.
With all due respect to the deceased Sears family, the only reason I brought along this mask from Phantasm is simply because of the word “mausoleum” and its connection to the movie. I couldn’t help imagining Uncle T taking a summer job being groundskeeper at this local cemetery. Just me and my gardening shears, tending to the property until my boredom reaches an all time breaking point and I’ve sipped the last drop of my brown-bagged whiskey bottle. At that point I’m sneaking a peek inside the tomb, hoping to unearth a secret or excavate a treasured artifact. Something that probably was kept hidden from society for good reason. Curiosity gets the best of me and before I know, it’s too late. TNUC is doomed.
GRAVE ROCKING.
Posted on October 9, 2025 3 Comments
“They came back from the grave to rock ‘n rave and misbehave”
I don’t know about you, but I sure as hell spend a lot of time thinking about graveyard music videos. Nothing glues me to the tube harder than a group of rock warriors around a moonlit cemetery, drenched in fog. It’s basically my bible. My reason to go on.
There’s something so flawless and aesthetically *right* about a band rocking around all that death in the air. Even the low budget efforts or lazily put together ones with foam tombstones from Dollar Tree are completely fine. But my favorite burial ground ballads are the ones that blend seamlessly with the eerie atmosphere and cool guitar moves, while vocalists in power stances and drummers in a whirlwind of hair do their part. You mix this concoction with a bunch of rotting graves and creaky gates and it’s a recipe for success.
In honor of October, here are my current favorite grave rocking videos.
Candlemass – Bewitched! (1987)
Swedish doom at it’s finest. This is the one I feel most immediately comes to mind when you think of graveyard rocking. Candlemass singer Messiah Marcolin rises from his coffin and terrifies everyone with his Satanic-Diana Ross hair and the priceless facial expressions. The low-fi graininess of is so perfect for what this video accomplishes.
Ramones – Pet Sematary! (1989)
I don’t care how many times I’ve heard it, it’s one of those rare songs that I never tire of (“Don’t Fear the Reaper” is the other). Written upon request by author Stephen King for the 1989 film adaptation of Pet Sematary, it’s the perfect grave stomping anthem for driving around in the Autumn weather. This is one of those videos where you can watch it anytime of the year and feel the cold magic in the air. Perfect novel, perfect movie and perfect song.
King Diamond – Sleepless Nights! (1989)
The King’s tribute to Gothic horror movies is in full effect over the foggy gravestones in this video from the 1989 album Conspiracy. While King Diamond and Mercyful Fate have a number of videos featuring church settings and old castles, in my research “Sleepless Nights” is the only one with the band rocking in the cemetery. One of the immortal kings of Halloween!
Ghost – Lachryma! (2025)
People complain about music videos not being worth a damn these days which for the most part is probably true given the death of MTV a long time ago and record labels going on a downward spiral since streaming music took over. Ghost’s “Lachryma” is the only modern music video on this list because Ghost continue to exist on their own plane. They record music, make videos and operate like it’s 1984 where everything is thrown on the table. This video looks straight out of the Nightmare on Elm Street: Dream Warriors movie set with the band looking natural as ever playing behind misty iron gates.
Matthais Steele – Return With A Vengeance! (1991)
Time to get regional. Power metal warriors of Rhode Island MATTAIS STEELE shot a music video in a local graveyard in Connecticut complete with Zubaz pants and a microphone headset. This video was made possible by Richie’s camcorder, 4 scortching hot black coffees from Dunkin’s and a dozen clam cakes. The entire video is worth multiple viewings and just wait until you see the power-leg-stance on a tree. I seriously dig the song though. It’s very Queensryche. Thanks to my friend Dean (@negativecreeps) for sending this my direction!
Dokken – Heaven Sent! (1987)
Save the best for last. What can I say about this beauty that Uncle T hasn’t proclaimed and sung the praises about so many times? Dokken’s “Heaven Sent” video is 5 minutes of PURE moonlit metal bliss. From Don Dokken’s ‘gambler’ hat — to the perfect Goosebumps-worthy graveyard — to the silhouette of George Lynch blazing that guitar solo under the foggy moonlight. It’s absolute perfection and I have chills right now.
According to legend, the “Heaven Sent” shoot was supposed to take place in an actual cemetery but the town wouldn’t allow them to film on the grounds. Dokken were in the middle of a tour, so they decided to construct a fake cemetery directly outside of the actual one. The names on the cardboard tombstones are of the band and road crew!
What are your favorite graveyard rockers and what am I missing?
HAUNTING THE CHAPEL, PART 2.
Posted on October 1, 2025 3 Comments
[Continued from Part 1] Today’s haunt of a chapel was another spontaneous discovery which are always the best kind. The tires of my Jeep literally screeched when I almost drove right past this Gothic stone structure in the Godforsaken town of Washington, Massachusetts. It beckoned me onto it’s ancient soil…and I answered its call.
This was one of those Autumn excursion stops that felt meant to be. This wasn’t something we were seeking out to do that day but for whatever reason I traveled down this dusty road and came upon a classic chapel in the middle of nowhere.
Built in 1899, it’s style is stone Gothic revival. The chapel was built as a gift to George Crane, a wealthy New Yorker who spent summers at the estate next-door called the Bucksteep Manor. At the time of my haunting I did not come across any place called Bucksteep Manor or its remains. Believe me with a name like that, I searched for it.
While it’s wood & iron doors were locked shut and the stained glass made it extremely difficult to see inside, I’m sure the interior is stunning considering how it looks from the outside. Or on the other hand — perhaps the aisles, pews, altars and pipe organ are covered in thick cobwebs and giant, mutated rats have colonized inside the chapel to plot their domination. It’s all up for debate.
What immortal soil should we haunt next?
uncletnuc.com 