WET-HOT-TNUC-SUMMER, PART 6.
For this installment of WET-HOT-TNUC-SUMMER, we’re reporting to you LIVE from the dusted and crusted grounds of Camp TNUC. We finally got Uncle T to pause naked catapulting on the inflatable “Blob” at the lake for five minutes to give us his top plans for camp hijinks this summer. So without further ado, here they are.
#1 PIZZA TUG-OF-WAR FEAT. JOHN STAMOS!
We’re kicking things off the old fashioned way with a classic tug-of-war competition over a hot bed of slimy pizzas on the beach but this time around we have a very special guest. Appearing for “one night only” it’s the star of Full House, Never Too Young To Die, the congo player from The Beach Boys, Uncle Jesse himself…JOHN STAMOS! The master of mousse will referee the stiff competitors and provide live commentary on all the hot ‘n cheesy ‘n sandy action. We’re hoping to get him drunk enough to plug into the amps later that night for a special Jesse and The Rippers performance! Watch video above.
#2 MAKE HITCHHIKING GREAT AGAIN!
What happened to hitchhiking? Where did it all go wrong? Why is it only associated with knife-wielding thieves and criminals? I’ll tell you what…this summer all that’s about to change on the road to Camp TNUC. We encourage all campers instead of taking the normal commute or having your parents drive you, do some hitchin’! Take some risk and get weird. There’s a good chance you’ll be picked up by a nice old trucker named Bubba, or a farmer named Weasel, and they’ll talk your ear off while cranking some John Denver or Moody Blues and telling stories about life on the road. Bonus points if one of them utters the phrase “my take home pay won’t take me home”.
Word to the wise though, if they start with the googly-eyed glares or the driver starts going in the complete opposite direction of camp and they ignore you yelling “STOP THE TRUCK!” over and over, just pop open the door and safely tumble out of the truck onto the shoulder of the road to avoid being murdered. It will be worth the story when you get to camp!
#3 ARCADE MANIA!
Jumping music, slick deejays, fog machines and laser rays! Please give a warm Camp TNUC welcome to our newest counselors this year, Rhonda and Butchie. These two will be exclusively in charge of the games room, which features over 100 classic joystick arcade games, pinball wizardry and jukebox glory. You can’t miss Rhonda as she will be on roller skates for the entire duration of camp (as demanded by Uncle T). Butchie pretty much just struts around camp in his wrestling briefs, but you won’t be laughing when you try to beat his high score on Galaga!
#4 MIDNIGHT SCREENING OF FRIDAY THE 13TH: A NEW BEGINNING!
Get out the sleeping bags and grab your favorite pillow for a night of terror! The first Saturday of Camp we’ll be screening 1985’s Friday the 13th: Part 5 or as the locals refer to it, A NEW BEGINNING. For as much as this installment of the Jason Voorhees series is maligned, we enjoy its weirdness and how “off” it feels. Plus I owe this movie a great deal of gratitude as it was one of the first times I saw a pair of boobs. Not just boobs, but a wonderful set of busty attitudes displayed on a picnic blanket in the warm summer sun. It doesn’t get much better than that. Refreshments and snacks will be provided. What do you think we should stock for movie candy this year? Sound off in the comments section.
#5 MUD WRESTLING FIELD TRIP!
Once a summer we pile into the yellow buses and “One-Armed Willie” the bus driver takes us anywhere we tell him to. After all, he works for a wage of peanuts and bologna sandwiches as provided by Uncle T. So this season we’re road-tripping to a magical place where the mud and oil flows like beer and wine. I’m talking about a little place called the MUD WRESTLING BAR.
The sacred sport of female oil and mud wrestling still to this day doesn’t get the recognition or return to form that it deserves. Lady competitors (NOT strippers) in mud-soaked bikinis, tearing each other to bits inside of a ring while “accidental” or deliberate removal of wrestlers’ tops makes spectators scream and holler with excitement and feverish glee. How the art of mud wrestling hasn’t returned in a major way to this world is beyond comprehension. I suppose it just speaks volumes to how sad and mundane we’ve become as a society! If you’d like to read more about mud wrestling, TNUC spent a whole month covering it over here.
#6 CRUCIAL TUNES!
Campers, it’s now time to remind you that all (3) volumes, yes three volumes = over three hours of official Camp TNUC soundtracks are available at this location. Everyone knows how tirelessly Uncle T worked on these mixtapes because really at the end of the day it’s all about the music. The crucial tunes. If that doesn’t wet your whistle, below is a song we’ve been rocking on the beach lately – “Beach & Burgers” by Clone. See you at camp!
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Awesome Clone tune there!!! 🤘 This Part 6 summer update made my day. Thank you Uncle TNUC!
Great article. Totally puts me in the summer mood. Jason 5 is one of the few I actually haven’t seen, and I’ve seen almost all of them in the theater in recent years. Had the chance to see parts 8 AND 9 in the theater but declined cuz I heard they’re both crap (Other than “darkest side of the night” by Metropolis on the ost for 8, that is).
I hope the Clone song is just a small sample of whats to come for this year’s mixtape. That song is a real banger. I was literally watching stock footage of 1980’s Miami Beach while listening to it and they blended together perfectly.
For movie candy I request Shark Bites fruit snacks and chilled Reese’s