“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.”
– Henry David Thoreau

The quiet solitude of nature, birds chirping and autumn’s majestic beauty weren’t the only things occupying the woods last weekend near the TNUC lair.  A 30-year-old rubber latex RAMBO mask was hanging out down several paths of woodland serenity as well.

Just watch (and turn the volume):

This totally insane piece of high art hails from 1988 and was made by a company in France known for their horror masks called Cesar Masquerade. Looking over the factory’s enormous catalog of monsters, demons, ogres, werewolves and deranged freaks, I swear to you that nothing matches the sheer terror of this Rambo mask. The facial expression is pure Stallone. The hair is perfect.

This mask also strangely resembles every pizza cook I’d accidentally make eye contact with as a kid in the back of greasy pizza parlors.

Do you think Thoreau and Rambo would’ve got along? Henry could have taught John how to write poetry, while the warrior could’ve shown the philosopher how to aim explosive arrow torque tips at people’s heads.

I’m still in awe of this mask and how by a stroke of luck I found it. Now it’s time to put on the mask and shovel snow in the driveway…

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