OCTOBER’S DEADBEAT OF THE MONTH: SAM WHITEMOON.
The denim. The hair. The DEADBEAT.
Choosing a worthy Deadbeat is never a simple task, but with this month being October, it’s 10x more difficult given the infinity amount of bullies, abusers, serial murderers, cannibals, mutant fathers, deformed delinquents, bastard children, low-lifes, losers and lepers to choose from. But only one has the ability to take extreme measures such as killing innocent people based on a personal dream that his hair will get him to Hollywood, or more specifically as he puts it, “this hair is gonna’ get me paid and laid”.
Sam Whitemoon is sick of small town life. So sick that he decides to stick up a neighborhood general store run by two sweet elderly people to steal his own family’s sacred jewelry to pawn for money. Sam’s uncle, Benjamin Whitemoon, is a wise and respected Native American local who gave the old couple the jewelry to pay off his debts. This gives Sam and his two bonehead friends (or slaves who he calls Rich Boy and Fat Stuff) the idea to raid the store with shotguns and steal the goods.
Right before the real havoc goes down, Sam pauses to enter the shop’s photobooth to take a few glamour shots, where he actually calls himself “sweetheart” when staring at his reflection. He boasts about his long, luscious hair for a minute and then exits the booth [see video].
Then he kills the old people and makes off with the jewelry.
This deadbeat-swine is not only a killer, but a disgrace to his Native American family, tribe, reservation, ancestors and all that stuff. I wonder what Squanto and his gang back in 1619 would have thought of Sam and his salon-quality hair. They’d probably do exactly what Old Chief Woodenhead does to him at the end of the film. Without giving anything away to those of you who STILL haven’t seen Creepshow 2, let’s just say that Sam won’t be “heading” to Hollywood in that Firebird anytime soon.
Check out Fat Stuff munching on some pork rinds and beer before meeting his demise!
[NOTE: DEADBEAT-OF-THE-MONTH is an ongoing saga giving thanks and praise to a chosen deadbeat character each month. To see the rest of em’, go here]