ATTN: HYDRATED PIZZA FOR SALE.
If you’re like me, you’ve been on an epic pilgrimage to locate a hydrated pizza ever since you caught a glimpse of one back in 1989 in the McFly’s home kitchen. If you’re sitting there scratching your head, allow me to refresh your memory. First appearing in Back to the Future Part II, dehydrated pizzas were pizzas that were processed to the size of a cookie (4-inches in diameter) until hydration was performed to bring them to regulation size, in just a few seconds.
Families around the world during the 1989 vision of 2015 could perform food hydration with a Black & Decker Hydrator. These were similar to a microwave, except Hydrators were voice controlled, allowing the hungry user to speak into a speaker grille on the device and tell the machine what level to rehydrate at. When it came to pizzas, the equipment would complete hydration in approximately 12 seconds, leaving you with a steamy-hot 15-inch pizza ready to serve (half pepperoni + half green pepper pictured below).
Who other than Pizza Hut would be behind this evolutionary food science? Well disciples, the wait is over…a 100% authentic hydrated pizza in it’s foil packaging (seen below) has just been spotted on eBay from a seller in Italy. Now YOU can delve into a cheesy, chemicalized, heavily-nuked slice of rehydration of your very own for the ultra-low price of $15.94. Share it with whoever you deem worthy or just scarf it all down by yourself and tell people that if they want any, you’re going to have to barf it up, because it’s gone! Act now…this score of a lifetime ends very soon.
“Boy oh boy, Mom, you sure know how to hydrate a pizza.”