Pre-planning a vacation for you and the family? Or just needing to escape on a solo mission? Stop for a moment to consider taking a trip far, far away from the ordinary.
This winter, TNUC cordially invites you for a time-travel-extravaganza-vacation to planet MARS. We’ve partnered up with Rekall Inc., a corporation that sells exotic and adventurous memory brain implants, to give you a vacation like never before.
Face it, a real holiday vacation is a pain. Lousy weather, lost luggage, crooked taxi drivers. But when you travel with Rekall, every thing is perfect. Think about it, what’s exactly the same about every vacation you take? The answer is YOU. You’re the same. So why not take a vacation from yourself? Rekall can offer you alternate identities while on your trip. Why go to mars as a tourist when you can go as a playboy, famous jock or a secret agent? Sure, this type of traveling won’t surface to the general public until the year 2084, and you may have heard rumors about a first traveler who was lobotomized but…TNUC pulled some strings to bring this voyage of a lifetime to you, yes you!
Now before you bon voyage, I’d like to share some selections which I feel are healthy choices for your journey to Mars. The first is Electric Light Orchestra’s “Letter from Spain”. Most ELO fans loathe this song and consider it to be one of the weaker moments in the band’s catalogue. We listen to this and hear a perfect swirl of atmospherics that will serve as the pristine background music as the aircraft descends onto the surface of Mars. Gaze out the window of the shuttle and cast your eyes on the rich landscapes of this fiery planet..
Once you’ve settled, I recommend making your way over to the hottest night spot in downtown Venus-Ville called The Last Resort. Ask for a triple-breasted-prostitute named Mary. Tell her that TNUC sent you and she will take care of your every need.
Hardbodies (definition) noun
1) the little foxes down at the beach
Say kids, take a lesson from main character Scotty Palmer (Grant Cramer) in this 1984 busty-bikini flick. Scotty is a local bodacious-beach-bum that undoubtedly understands life better than most people i’ve met. When Scotty isn’t spending his days defending his home shore from dweebs, geeks and weirdos, he’s scoring local beauties up and down the beach and most importantly…keeping it rad. If you’re looking for Oscar-worthy acting and groundbreaking film making, don’t go any where near this film. But if buxom babes, beer-drenched beach parties and a juicy soundtrack with songs from all-girl, hair band Vixen are any where near the top of your list, get out and pick up the triumph that is Hardbodies.
Honestly, how can you go wrong with a film that delivers full-frontal nudity before the end of the opening credits (see above clip)! For your enjoyment, here’s the theme song from the exceedingly rare soundtrack (thanks Phaota).
He’s 50% of The Outrunners and 100% flying through hyperspace to greet us with his debut EP, ‘Visions’. His name is Stephen Falken, a member of the spectacular Valerie Collective, and he’s here to defy the laws of time and space. His music feels like warm waves of neon meeting the spirit of John Carpenter on a dark cloud of enlightenment, making it the best early 80’s movie score you’ve never heard. It’s the precise background music for chasing a girl in your Ferrari, playing a game of cat & mouse that lasts till 4 a.m., driving at full speed only to find each other at the edge of the earth..
Listening to this 4-song album is like hearing pure light. I like to imagine this type of music being created in one of those 70’s/80’s control rooms or space stations, with blinking lights, switches and monitors stacked higher than the eye can see.
John Hughes 1950 – 2009
The Breakfast Club
Pretty in Pink
Ferris Bueler’s Day Off
Some Kind of Wonderful
Planes, Trains & Automobiles
The Great Outdoors
…just to name a few. Writer, director and producer John Hughes was able to charm an audience and enter the heart of the young like no other. He got what it was like to be a teenager and the effect of his films still resonate with so many people, including myself. I encourage anyone who’s a fan of John’s movies to read a recent tribute to him entitled Sincerely, John Hughes. This touching story about a girl who wrote letters back and forth to John also goes on to explain why he left Hollywood and about how a big reason behind his decision to give it all up was that “they” (Hollywood) had “killed” his friend, John Candy, by greedily working him too hard.
Here’s a beautiful piece of music by The Dream Academy from Planes, Trains & Automobiles. I’ve been waiting to post this on here for a while. You’ll vividly remember the scene when you hear the song.
UNCLE TNUC, descendant of Uncle Buck.