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THE GALLERIA.

Posted on December 1, 2011 5 Comments

If you’re bored or feeling like a lost wanderer because you just came back from the Galleria/Mall and found out that the dead souls running your #1 hangout spot of the week just closed down the arcade AND the orange julius, don’t give up on life just yet. A good samaritan by the name of Uncle TNUC promises that there is still hope.

Actually, all credit must go to photographer Michael Galinsky, the man responsible for taking these photos (and many, many more where they came from) back in 1989 when he traveled across the country, documenting malls all the way from Long Island to North Dakota to Seattle. He ended up shooting roughly 30 rolls of slide film with a cheap Nikon FG-20 and the results are truly sensational. The remainder of the photos can be seen in his upcoming book. That’s right, the response he received from the photos has been so strong that he decided to put together a book, Malls Across America, that will be available for purchase soon. (see update!)

Because the Galleria wasn’t always the place you avoided. One could even say you might dare to venture into the mall on a rainy afternoon with your FAMILY. Pops is ready to tear into the night as he tests out the sit-down lawnmower at Sears, Mom’s at the department store shopping for shoulder-pads, your acne-posterchild Sister is chasing down some guy she thinks is Rick Springfield, all while you’re waiting in line for Van Halen tickets at Tape World and scarfing down a slice of pizza that’s bigger than your head.

If a visionary collection of food courts, arcades, chrome escalators, valley girls, water fountains, big hair, long butts and male-midriff shirts sounds like the ultimate coffee table book to you, then we have a lot in common. This one will embellish the surface of TNUC’s ivory & gold coffee table for many years to come.

[UPDATE!] The book finally has a street date release of January 25th and is available for pre-order now at Amazon. It doesn’t matter where you are in the world, everyone’s mall memories will infect their souls once more with this ravishing tribute to an unforgettable era. Here’s the cover artwork, featuring a seasoned old bird taking a stroll down the slickened floors.

SPIRIT WARRIOR.

Posted on November 17, 2011 3 Comments

I have come to realize after listening to Mitch Murder’s new effort Current Events that this man is a Spirit Warrior. Meaning he evokes the spirit of the time period in which his music is associated with so well, with such authenticity, while bashing and thrashing through the mundane, dull, generic bargain bin of music that passes through so many social networks at a dime a dozen.

This album, much like his prior releases, doesn’t beat around the 1980’s bush (or muff for that matter). Meaning that Mitch doesn’t hint or tease around at the sound he’s emulating. He cuts right to the core. If what you’ve been looking for in this genre is to be teleported to an era of the utmost lushest synths, galloping bass-lines and sparkling production, then you’ve scored the jackpot.

Keeping up with his soundtrack sound, you’ll hear tracks that sound like they’ve been specially crafted by some monk far up in the misty Himalayan mountains which were then privately flown to a dojo in the Valley for training purposes. Other tracks will bring you on late night stakeouts, essential for driving around tailing Miami’s hottest new Colombian drug-runner. Furthermore, he manages to hit you with a big emotional rush at sometime during the duration of each track.

The only fault I can find with Mitch Murder is that currently his albums are only available digitally. A stunning record like Current Events needs to be a tangible one. Yet another reason why I urge you to pick up this release, because supporting an artist like this will gain more momentum for some corporate sleaze to realize this needs to be released on CD or Vinyl. But for the time being, pick up Current Events on iTunes or Amazon.

FAST FOOD FASHION.

Posted on November 11, 2011 3 Comments

A reoccurring dream I have at night is that TNUC is on the same level as 1980’s McDonald’s was with their global merchandise armageddon. I want the same for TNUC and I want it now.

KURT SLOAN.

Posted on November 10, 2011 4 Comments

…Fresh off Saturday morning cartoons and hopped up on cereal, you grab your BMX and round up your friends. Street hockey, videogames, basketball, manhunt, bike paths, treasure hunting, new construction sites and getting up to no good. Or maybe you’re a bit older. Round up your crew and go cruisin for babes at all the usual stops. The beach, the arcade, the mall, the pizza shop. Just make sure you don’t burn out too fast since the girl of your dreams is gonna be at Brad’s house party tonight. These are the Saturday Afternoon Warriors…

DR. DR. KOKENSTEIN’S BETWEEN HER LEGS HALLOWEEN MIX.

Posted on October 31, 2011 7 Comments

Dr. Dr. Kokenstein (pronounced with a hard German accent) is a deranged, psychopathic surgeon with a vital prescription just for you. He’s spent months formulating a lethal mixture of cocaine, pieces of a dead hooker that were previously laid across his lab table and of course, HEAVY METAL. He bottles this concoction and sneaks it on to pharmacy shelves in the blackest of night, right before dawn. Dr. Dr. urges you to convince your Mom to fire up the station wagon and drive you down to the local pharmacy. Tell the pharmacist that you’re there to pick up a prescription from Dr. Dr. Kokenstein! With appearances ranging from Blackie Lawless of W.A.S.P. to Barbara Walters of ABC News, this mix promises to not only make your ears bleed, but your nose as well. Your instinct will to be grab a tissue and run to the bathroom, but Dr. Dr. advises you not to, because that drip of blood coming out of your left nostril is a drip of heavy metal discharge!