FEBRUARY’S DEADBEAT OF THE MONTH: GLENN GUGLIA.
Posted on February 14, 2014 Leave a Comment
[NOTE: DEADBEAT-OF-THE-MONTH is an ongoing saga giving thanks and praise to a chosen deadbeat character each month. To see the rest of em’, go here]
Only a sly piece of swine like Glenn Gulia would meander his way into the month that Valentine’s Day falls into for our DEADBEAT-OF-THE-MONTH feature for February.
What sets Glenn apart from other famed deadbeats you’ll read about on here is that he made a living as a successful, functioning deadbeat. While spending his days making coin through the bond market in the big city, this Sonny Crockett protege was able to “work late” most nights – which translates to going out at night and slipping all kinds of women the Glenn special…all this while still holding down a forward-moving relationship at home. This secures him into the very exclusive, functioning-deadbeat category. He even refers to attractive women as “top choice, grade A meat”, a line that actually ends up adding to his demise at the end of The Wedding Singer. That, and when he chooses to fuck with Billy Idol.
My absolute favorite Glenn scene is the one below, specifically the look on his face after he asks Julia “How about I let you lean over me when we fly over the strip?”…
This guy is INSANE and that arrogant smirk kills me every time. But enough about the CONS, how about some posi-PROS? Here we go:
- his impressive blazer/t-shirt combinations
- the flawless head of hair
- the Delorean
- his clear love and commitment to all-things-MIAMI VICE
Oh there’s no doubt about it, he’s a selfish womanizer that lies to his pleasant girlfriend/fiance all the time. However, by the looks of it his PROS actually outweigh his CONS, which I suppose is expected when you conduct this type of important journalism on TNUC.
What do Glenn and Uncle T have most in common? Obviously how they wake up every morning!
BABES & BEASTS.
Posted on February 7, 2014 2 Comments
What is it about babes and beasts that when they get together Uncle T just can’t seem to shake the smile from his face?
If you have a bodacious babe & brawny beast couple that you’d like to show the world, please do so on our facebook page and I’ll broadcast em’!
BOZ WEEKEND.
Posted on January 31, 2014 3 Comments
If a part of you didn’t already see this coming, clearly you aren’t visiting your Uncle T enough..
So how is TNUC spending Superbowl Sunday? Take a WILD guess.
Times up. Obviously we plan on paying tribute to one of our pinnacle father figures of inspiration, SIR BRIAN BOSWORTH. You read that correctly, we’re now required by contract to put a “Sir” in front of the platinum-blonde-mullet-warrior’s name. The Boz’s face was even recently chiseled in granite on the first step into the TNUC fortress. To put it lightly, his level of importance is paramount to our way of life.
As soon as word broke out that his former team the Seattle Seahawks would potentially go all the way this Sunday, we had no choice but to declare this weekend as BOZ WEEKEND.
If you don’t care about football, you actually have a greater advantage because this will allow for an adventure-packed BOZ WEEKEND without any interruption from sports. Nobody in their right mind could deny their admiration for an undercover cop that wears crop-top muscle sweatshirts and tells his pet Komodo Dragon “you’re gonna’ have to eat your grub if you wanna’ be a stud” [see video below]. Oh, and a girlfriend equipped with one of the best long-butts of 1991 who struts her stuff around his condo all day.
So pull that rugged copy of Stone Cold out, pop it in the VCR and immediately witness your adrenaline start to escalate. But don’t you dare stop after Stone Cold because there’s plenty of top-notch Boz material to keep you busy all weekend long. Raid your local flea markets to try and find copies of 1995’s One Man’s Justice, 1996’s Spill, or bag all that and watch this commercial for Right Guard deoderant with The Boz. Oh, and what do we have here? A Stone Cold 1-900 number commercial to meet and have dinner with the man himself!
Take a good look at that. It’s a single-dangling-cross earring that appears to be a small crystal. This guy CONTINUES to amaze.
Whatever distractions come your way on Sunday, we hope you can shed aside a moment of time to bask in BOZ WEEKEND. Take pride in knowing that for a brief moment a mulleted powerhouse named Brian Bosworth once walked football fields looking and acting the way he did. Thanks Boz.
Uncle T
(We almost forgot to give a brief history into the man’s brief football career, so if you’re interested in that, check out the comment section of this post for a passage from the TNUC history books.)
HULK HOGAN’S ROCK ‘N’ WRESTLING.
Posted on January 25, 2014 2 Comments
Even if you paid zero attention to Hulk Hogan’s Rock N’ Wrestling on Saturday mornings between the years of 1985 and 1986, you cannot and will not deny the triumphant-ness of the theme song to this short-lived cartoon series. So before you head out on your BMX this morning to jump the dunes and ride through the new construction sites, give this number a worthy cranking while you scarf down the last remaining bites of your sugary bowl of cereal.
This monster of a jingle should sound familiar for two reasons. For one, it was the Hulkster’s WWF entrance theme before “Real American” would arrive to conquer and pillage. Secondly, the song was borrowed by bubble-gum pop star Bonnie Tyler for a track of hers called “Ravishing”.
And like anything WWF and Hulk related, there are literally hundreds of thousands of vintage treasures out there just waiting for you. A quick search on Ebay for Rock N’ Wrestling items brought up bed sheets, party tablecloths, puffy sticker packs, episodes on VHS, coloring books, puzzles, pencil erasers, a card game and a RAIN COAT (see below!!!).
Have a great Saturday!
ENVIRONMENTS.
Posted on January 21, 2014 Leave a Comment
“Totally new concepts in sound”
These handsome beauties you’re looking at today are the bulk of a collection called the Environments series, a group of natural sound field recordings released as LPs and cassettes between 1970 – 1979. They range from crickets and bullfrogs in a swamp at dusk to waves crashing on a seashore. If you’re expecting some kind of Tangerine Dream-esque, synth odyssey happening here, you’ll probably be disappointed. These records have no musical accompaniment but can make for a very rewarding experience if played at the right volume and in the correct setting.
“The magic of psycho-acoustic sound”
I like the fact that these are some of the earliest known field recordings in history, meaning in this case some guy had to literally sit out in the Okefenokee swamp with primitive recording equipment, being eaten alive by bugs and Boglins for the passion of catching 60 mins of swamp sounds.
Repeatedly stated on the backside of each LP is an insane amount of hype, insisting that what you’re about to hear will be life changing. The liner notes inside give detailed instructions on “how to use” these records. Detailed isn’t even the right word, the directions given are so specific and informative that they include sections on “optimum results”, “continuous playback” “quadraphonic playback” and even “how to wash” the records.
TNUC’s bottom line: If you do choose to “use” these records, whether you pop a ‘lude and vege out on the couch or meditate and meet Uncle T on the cloud of enlightenment, prepare for a healthy dose of wilderness relaxation.
Below, one of the cassettes in the series which came after the initial run of LPs.
MORE PASTAMANIA.
Posted on January 18, 2014 7 Comments
The brief but iconic food court restaurant in Minnesota’s Mall-of-America might be ancient history, but legends never die. Just recently I received a message from a Minnesota native named PJ who actually came across an authentic menu from the grand opening of Hulk Hogan’s Pastamania!
(If you haven’t read our first PASTAMANIA spread, do that first at this location!)
Enjoy.
uncletnuc.com 