LADY OF THE DUNES.
Posted on September 8, 2021 1 Comment
Submitted for the approval of the TNUC midnight society, I call this story, the LADY OF THE DUNES.
Actually “I” have nothing to do with this story. This is a well documented, real life tragedy that is no TNUC tall tale. The story revolves around the remains of an unidentifiable murder victim’s body found mutilated out in the dunes of Cape Cod during the summer of 1974. To this day the “lady of the dunes” death is a complete mystery.
On July 26, 1974 a young girl was walking the beach with her family and dog when they discovered a decomposing body. According to police reports, the body was that of a woman laid face down on part of a beach blanket, covered in insects after having been sitting in the sun for two weeks. A blue bandana and pair of Wrangler jeans were under her head. She had long auburn/red hair. Both hands and one forearm were missing. Her head was nearly decapitated.
Her body was exhumed several times, as recently as 2013 and composite drawings were done. Where this story gets mighty interesting and spooky is how it might be somehow tied to the movie JAWS. This revelation was theorized by horror writer Joe Hill (Stephen King’s son) a few years ago while he was attending a 40th anniversary screening of the classic film.
Something caught his eye about a third of a way into the film. The scene where flocks of tourists are shuffling on and off the ferry to “Amity” (fictionalized Martha’s Vineyard), a woman with dark hair and a blue bandana is seen for a brief moment. According to Hill, he shot up in his seat when he saw the “startling resemblance”.
His theory goes like this: Jaws was filmed in the summer of 1974 only 100 miles away from where “Jane Doe” was murdered. Often times locals would have gotten word that there was a movie being filmed nearby and would want to be involved — especially something so simple as being an extra.
Production companies back in the day would assign extras to wear their regular clothes to make it look as authentic as possible with the territory. Unfortunately during these times they didn’t keep records for background actors.
Unidentified Female Body, Found Race Point Dunes, July 26, 1974
Hill wondered, “What if the young murder victim no one has ever been able to identify has been seen by hundreds of millions of people in a beloved summer classic and they didn’t even know they were looking at her?”
“What if,” he wrote in 2015, “the ghost of the Lady of the Dunes haunts JAWS?”
Call it far fetched if you will, but it’s definitely something I haven’t been able to stop thinking about. TNUC visited Race Point Beach this summer and while walking the shoreline couldn’t help but start thinking…what if..?
Hill added “It would be no surprise at all if a girl summering on the Cape decided to take a few days to explore the Vineyard… especially with the added bait of celebrity to draw her in.”
47 years later and the case remains an unsolved mystery.
RETURN TO SUMMER CAMP MIX.
Posted on August 13, 2021 8 Comments
As the morning sun shines on the dew soaked grass, a rooster lets out a cock-a-doodle-doo, Nurse Davenport’s giant underpants go flying up the flagpole and Uncle T lets out a huge belch over the outside loudspeaker. Just another morning at Camp TNUC.
That prior evening, Camp TNUC held their 2nd annual ‘Beer Can Mountain’ party where we invite the neighboring camps from Lake Waramaug into our lair for a beer guzzling contest like no other. It begins with gathering the worst beer we can find, which campers refer to as “deadbeat beer” or “horse piss”. You know, the bottom of the barrel crap that’s only sold in 30-packs to the low budget alcoholics of the world and the stuff you can’t believe is still made. “Brewed in a prison sweat sock!” as Counselor “Rad” Chad likes to say.
Once we’ve cornered the market in shitty brew, we extend the invite to the other nearby summer camps from up the creek. Computer Camp, Fat Camp, Bible Camp…you name it. Each group then chooses (1) power camper to engage in a battle of who can annihilate the most beers. Funnels, ice luges, turkey basters and other tools of the trade are acceptable means of consumption.
All finished cans and bottles are tossed into a pit in the middle of the campground. Whoever is deemed the weakest and finishes the least amount of beers has to spend a night sleeping under BEER CAN MOUNTAIN. Smothered in a 20-foot pile of stale beer cans dripping with warm deadbeat juice, they do what they can to survive the night.
Everyone aside from the weakest link gets to party all night with the girls — excuse me, WOMEN, from Wrinkle’s Gentlemen’s Club, the only exclusively 60+ elderly exotic dancing club in the Northeast. I know what you’re thinking, but don’t knock these golden gals until you try ’em. Linda, Laverne, Florence, Ruth, Diane and Winifred “Winnie” Whoppers will show you an old fashioned good time that you shall never forget. Plus — as a major bonus, Winnie makes a mean French Toast that you’ll want to devour the next morning to help with that hangover. Just make sure the old bird remembers to put her dentures in!
To commemorate such a meaningful event, we’ve brewed up a brand new mixtape of songs (a sequel to Part 1) that have been playing at Camp TNUC all summer long. Enjoy it and thanks for listening. Now go out and hit the lake!
ROXY MUSIC’S AVALON.
Posted on July 22, 2021 Leave a Comment
According to ancient legend, Avalon was the magical “Island of the Blessed” – a mythical land where King Arthur recovered from his wounds after the Battle of Camalann. This is also where his sword the Excalibur is said to have been forged.
“Avalon is part of the King Arthur legend and is a very romantic thing. When King Arthur dies, the Queens ferry him off to Avalon, which is sort of an enchanted island. It’s the ultimate romantic fantasy place.”
– Bryan Ferry
I was probably 14 or 15 when I first laid eyes on this artwork. Up until this point, I pretty much only gravitated to album covers that featured heavy metal people, skulls, face paint, chicks, things on fire, etc.
In the case of Avalon, this intriguing photo of a knight holding a falcon and gazing out at a beautiful sunrise checked all my boxes but mystified me in a new way like nothing else before it. That balance of stark power and natural beauty would also amazingly transition to reflect the sound of this album. To this day it’s still one of my favorite recordings of all time.
People throw around the word “dreamy” probably too often, but listening to this album is like walking around in a dream. From the opening track ‘More Than This’ to the closing instrumental ‘Tara’, the listener is taken on a swirling ride of luxurious compositions, seductive sax and Bryan Ferry’s ultra-smooth but dramatic vocals. Guitars and washes of synth create evocative new sounds that depict exotic images of foreign lands and a world of mystique.
The production quality suggests it must have cost a fortune. I used to daydream and picture Roxy Music’s recording sessions taking place inside an all-glass studio that sat at the edge of a cliff overlooking the Mediterranean, while flocks of falcons guarded the studio fortress.
The title track possesses such an elegant atmosphere with it’s sexy structure and Ferry’s words about late-night possibilities. Take a moment to revisit:
It’s way too easy to drift into another dimension while listening to this music. The music video features Bryan Ferry in his white dinner jacket– captivated by a beautiful woman dancing around in a castle. I should also note that Auntie TNUC walked down the aisle during our ceremony to this song a couple years ago, so this one is pretty damn special to me.
These photos are taken from the show Red Oaks, a TV series that ran from 2014 to 2017. One of the main characters Wheeler, is making serious moves on his lifelong crush Misty and in one of the scenes he gives her a cassette tape of Roxy Music’s Avalon. There are scenes that follow with Misty listening to the album that I can tell you are pure magic. In fact Red Oaks features a ton of great music and montages. TNUC strongly recommends watching the show, especially seasons 1&2.
I’m eternally grateful for this album. It opened my eyes to a world of new sounds and music at a time in high school when I didn’t picture myself deviating from certain genres. Artists like Duran Duran, King Crimson, Deadsy and Billy Idol. It all started with Roxy Music and this 1982 opus.
CHUCKY IN PARADISE.
Posted on July 13, 2021 Leave a Comment
Sometimes you just have to wonder what a guy like Chucky would be doing if instead of murdering people and trying to perform a voodoo ritual to transfer his soul into a 6-year old, he took the high road and chose a slightly different path.
If Charles Lee Ray had come to terms with being a redheaded doll in overalls and just embraced the whole thing, society might have welcomed him with open arms. Charles joins a fortune 500 company, owns a tanning bed at home and spends summers in Morocco.
The above video clip explores these ideas.
“Footprints” written & recorded by FM Attack
Remix by Jasper De Ceuster
https://fmattack.bandcamp.com/track/footprints-jasper-de-ceuster-remix
WIPEOUT.
Posted on July 8, 2021 Leave a Comment
The other day the strangest thing happened to me. I’ve had this reoccurring dream for years that I’m playing drums like a maniac in the middle of a mystical beach, surrounded by a pack of wild, beach-bum party freaks.
In some sort of subconscious dreamstate foreshadowing, this dream I’ve had already existed in reality 30-something years ago(!) made possible by “Herman Ze German” aka Herman Rarebell, ex-drummer from The Scorpions. I swear to you people that I was not aware of this music video, nor his cover of the surfer classic “Wipeout”.
I have my barbarian brother Big Mike Ballermann to thank for letting me know about this. Not only does this blow my mind but the music video itself couldn’t be more perfect. It was filmed on Malibu beach in 1984 and is the definition of the ultimate summer.
THE HOT DOG GIRLS.
Posted on July 1, 2021 1 Comment
Once upon a time, a hard working and hard-bodied pack of women known as the hot dog girls ruled the streets of Tampa Bay, Florida.
Seeing as though our nation is celebrating its independence day this week, I can think of no better time than now to do my part as an American and share a little history about the hot dog girls. If you agree with Uncle T that sun-kissed-sizzling skin and a steamy hot dog are a beautiful match made in heaven, please continue to read.
A couple years ago, a 55-year old woman named Valerie Workman spoke to the Tampa Bay Times about her hot dog ‘slangin days. She reminisces and tells wild tales from the streets — while sharing photos, newspaper clippings and her ancient T-backs (thong bikinis) from the early 1990’s when the streets of St. Petersburg, Pinellas Park and Largo were scattered with hot dog carts. Valerie claims to be the first hot dog girl.
Valerie spent years as a third-degree blackbelt and then transitioned into the exotic dancing world to support her family. After her fun at the clubs was over, she destined to be her own boss and the idea of selling hot dogs on the side of the road was mentioned to her by a friend. She shopped around for a cart, found the perfect chrome weiner-wagon and the future was set.
Valerie stocked up on wet ‘weenies, napkins, chips and condiments. She got her license and started boiling her dogs right in the cart, underneath an umbrella in the hot sun.
According to Valerie, her friends soon followed her lead on the new venture and carts started popping up in areas where there was good traffic. Hungry drivers on break, curious tourists and random wanderers loved to stop at the girls with the hot dog carts. Many would pause on the side of the road just to get a photo.
While Valerie claims to be the first, it’s been well documented in newspapers at the time that the hot dog girl phenomenon was widespread throughout many parts of Florida.
Competition among the girls became a thing and girls were disovering the tricks to the trade in the art of selling hot dogs. For example, T-backed vendors brought in significantly more profits than vendors with regular bikini bottoms. In Fort Myers a woman named Sarah Linksi reported that she could earn nearly $700 in just 16 hours per week at a cart her boyfriend bought for her. She made an average of $125 on busy days with a regular bikini that covered her bottom, and about $200 a day when she went to work in a thong.
While droves of onlookers were enjoying the satisfying combination of tanned long-butts and the smell of frankfurters, this new phenomenon started to cause controversy with some of the locals and conservative types. You have to remember, these were the days of thong-bikinis being banned across local beaches. Crackdowns ensued and the some of the hot dog girls faced scrutiny and fines. Some say the T-backs also were so distracting that they caused car crashes.
“The hot dog vendors wearing tiny thong suits look naked from a block away and not much different on closer inspection. Watching them has caused quite a few drivers to forget the basics of automobile safety,” reported the South Florida Sun-Sentinel in 1993. “Gawkers have drifted through red lights, roamed across traffic lanes and become mindless of the cars in front of them.”
“I guess they should have kept their eyes on the road,” said a hot dog girl named Anette in 1993.
During the height of the era, tension between rival hot dog girls was becoming aggressive. Turf wars over sidewalks and territories got so intense, at one point a huge fight broke out over a cart that moved into another girls’ location. In the daylight hours the girls rolled around in the dirt, kicking, screaming and hair-pulling. Eventually the girls were sprayed with mace to stop.
The brawl would lead to “Hala the Hardbody” and “Sizzling Cindy” agreeing to face off on July 5 outside of a liquor store for a mud wrestling event called WEINERMANIA 1. A $500 cash prize was on the line.
The radio station Q105 hosted the event which was captured on a VHS recording. Almost 200 spectators showed up for “the fast food fight of the century”, with refreshments provided such as “muddy Mary” drinks and breakfast hot dogs.
From what I’ve gathered, “Sizzling Cindy” was victorious in her match and declared the weiner. But spirits were high at the end of the event and WEINERMANIA 1 would end up being a nice button at the end of the hot dog girl era. *There was no WEINERMANIA 2*
In the years to come, the hot dog girl lifestyle became harder and many girls were banned from participating in their craft. Valerie Workman sold her cart for $7,000 and went back to exotic dancing.
The sunshine state gets a bad ‘rep these days for a number of things. But let it be known that we here at the Land of TNUC will always be indebted to Florida for being the epicenter of classic strip clubs. female mud wrestling bars and now thankfully, the hot dog girls.
uncletnuc.com 