The moon is rising. Night winds blow seductively. A strange, bubbling-red mist erupts from beneath the ground…

Yes, the trail to The House Where TNUC Dwells AKA Manimal Mansion is a long and treacherous one. One of the bizarre things is that the trail actually disappears during the day. You would assume it would be easier to navigate during daylight hours, but for whatever reason (probably something to do with the Native burial grounds it crosses through) the trail is only somewhat manageable after the sun goes down.

Courageous hikers, city punkers and groups of frisky teens give it their best each year, and predicatively as the years pass, fewer and fewer return home. The milk cartons with “MISSING” labels show up in town every couple weeks into October. Preachers and churchgoers run frantically around town warning people. Angry townsfolk carry lead pipes, chains, flaming torches and pitchforks toward Manimal Mansion in hopes of destroying it…but never return.

Brave souls need not only to follow the path to the old house on the hill but also follow their nose as the stench of the night beast TNUC has chained up to an old oak tree on his property can be smelled from miles away. “Just follow your nose” it reads barely legible on a piece of plywood that kids painted at the edge of the trial.

Crossing through swamps, fog-drenched cemeteries, cornfields, then over the deadfall and under rock boulders they make the trek. At this point the deformed weirdos of the woods start coming out. One of them is typically our alcoholic, perverted groundskeeper “Petey” who has a knack for scaring girls in particular, getting them to clench onto their boyfriends’ letter jackets that much tighter. Petey has worn the same single pair of overalls since 1972 and he can always be seen clinging onto a bottle of Four Roses. He’s a rotten ol’ prowler but TNUC respects his dedication to working hard at Manimal Mansion all these years.

Next you’ll be dodging a series of masked psychos, winged creatures, dead Camp TNUC lifeguards, ghouls sitting around campfires, mindless slaughterers and living dead babes that you’ll be tempted to flirt with but beware…THEY BITE.

One creature-repellent that’s proven to work for some survivors has been having some righteous tunes. The right playlist of music can wean off even the worst of the worst. It actually puts them in a good mood. This will provide a nice head start to your journey and believe it or not, you might get a glimpse of monsters and killers dancing in the moonlight while that boombox is blasting. TNUC’s Spooky Mixtapes are highly recommended. There’s currently 9 of them so grab those here if you haven’t already.

…But make your own lists as well! The more appropriate for the setting, the better. If someone brings Maroon 5 or some modern pop pig vomit, prepare for immediate death.

Here’s an obscure slice of Swedish heavy metal appropriately titled “Nightwinds” by a band called Parasite that our creatures of the night are sure to dig.

Don’t stop there. Load up that mixtape with all genres, then hoist that boombox on your shoulder and good luck to ya out there…

2 Comments on “NIGHT WINDS.”

  1. The Night Wolf is already lurking around the woods and following the treacherous path to the Manimal Mansion. I’ve got enough coke and weed to last me all month long in my backpack filled with booze, nudie mags, and 2 handles of Wild Turkey 101. The pentagram on my hand lets me know the cycle has already begun and will continue all October long.

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