WENDY’S SUPERBAR.

As fast food establishments go, Wendy’s has always been a slight cut above the rest. Maybe they weren’t as fun as their gimmicky competitors, but what Lord Dave Thomas and his disciples lacked in kiddie gimmicks and promotional tie-ins was made up for with slightly better food, therefore making you not feel like a total lump of lard, like the post-nuclear effects of eating McDonald’s or Burger King.

When the company unleashed the SUPERBAR in 1988, Wendy’s rose to the upper echelon.

The SuperBar was a total hodgepodge of interracial food fornication, spread out on three buffet tables under beautiful, beaming, fluorescent light. The epic spread featured a culture clash of frightening concoctions not for the faint of heart. Tacos? Spaghetti? Greek Salad? Mystery meat? Pudding? SURE THING…LINE UP KIDS!

The SuperBar layout was made up of three stations: “THE GARDEN SPOT”, “PASTA PASTA” and “MEXICAN FIESTA”. You’d begin by skipping directly over the green nonsense at “The Garden Spot” and sail over to the island of “Pasta Pasta” (cool name). Get that plate loaded to the brim with freeze dried macaroni and your choice of alfredo or tomato sauce so generic it would make Little Cesears sauce look fancy. Then head south of the border into “Mexican Fiesta” and slap a big enchilada (w/ mystery meat) on top of everything. But wait! Turn around and go back to the “The Garden Spot” to clothesline everyone because you somehow skipped the little corner by the salad dressing containing chocolate pudding with your name written all over it. Add that to your plate of destruction…all for the kids lunch special price of $2.99!

Enjoy the commercial break:

Is TNUC guilty of raving and embellishing a bit to make the SuperBar sound better than it actually was? Maybe, but I think we can all agree that these commercials are an immediate mood lifter. Something about the grainy looking video mixed with goofy music and extreme-close-ups of food is pure comfort viewing.

Check out what counselor Brenda scored last weekend at the SuperBar following a long day at the water park. She claims the Wendy’s manager gave it to her because she was “nice” but we all know it came from him getting one look at her massive mammaries in that Camp TNUC halter top!