MYSTERIOUS TRENCHCOAT FROM THE FUTURE.

When October comes to a close, Uncle T can’t help but sink into a brief period of blandness. Pumpkin guts, empty horror VHS boxes and fun-size Snickers wrappers blow around the TNUC lair like tumbleweeds in an empty desert.

But not this year. No, a mysterious package recently arrived on TNUC’s doorstep that yanked him out of his lumpy bean bag chair faster than ever before. A PACKAGE FROM THE FUTURE (one possible future). Let’s begin:

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I opened the box and the first thing I saw were these four words staring up at me, almost in a hypnotic way. Still. I figured it was probably a care package full of hijinks from one of you disciples or a colleague of mine. Boy was I wrong…

reese tnuc

IT’S THE KYLE REESE TRENCHCOAT (click photos to examine closely).

What we have here is no “tall-tale” or exaggerated TNUC fable. This surreal gift from the Gods arrived as a complete shock to me. When I managed to finally pick my jaw up from the floor from pure ecstasy and surprise, I laid the trenchcoat out which had been folded perfectly in the box, almost in military fashion. Whoever put this together did so with utmost care and detail. Underneath were several crisp photos of Kyle Reese storming the streets of Los Angeles wearing the coat, strapped with his trusty sawed-off shotgun.

It fit like a glove when I put it on, almost as if this person had studied Uncle T’s proportions and BMI (body mass intake). I slid my hand in one of the pockets and pulled out a set of smaller glossy photos attached to a ring. They were freeze-frame images of when Reese finds the coat in one of the opening scenes of 1984’s Terminator. As I gazed at the images to compare every detail from the sleeves to the buttons, I solemnly swear it is the same model jacket he stole from the department store after time-traveling to earth 40 years from the future.

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Not knowing who sent this has my mind going in swirls. Could it be from a survivor of a future nuclear war? A lone warrior sending a signal to Uncle T, warning about defense network computers and H-K’s (hunter killers) that threaten to wipe out the entire human race? That bold statement “YOU ARE KYLE REESE” keeps repeating in my head – beckoning me to do something.

I at least owe the mysterious sender of this package a promise to roam the dark alleys of the city tonight and search for club Tech-Noir (in my new trenchcoat). I already predict what will happen as I grab hold of some homeless person in an alley…

Me: What day is it? The date!
Stranger: 5th…November…Wednesday.
Me: WHAT YEAR???!!!

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When I return home I’ll place the priceless garment on a mechanical, rotating mannequin which will be enclosed in a bulletproof glass case with accent lights in my study.

As a lifelong supporter of trenchcoats, Terminator movies and all-things-Kyle Reese, THANK YOU phantom-trenchcoat-supplier-from-the-future.

Since I can’t share the coat with all of you, I’ll exit with this:

3 Comments on “MYSTERIOUS TRENCHCOAT FROM THE FUTURE.

  1. Surely a great find. I need to visit so we can do night alley photo shoots of you questioning homeless dudes.

    • Please let’s make that happen. Me stressing out questioning homeless dudes while some of your girls model in the city steam in the background..

      • TrueHorror should do a photo shoot with his babes similar to how Brigitte Nielsen modeled in the motion picture, “Cobra.” While TNUC is sporting his Reese trenchcoat, drenched in city steam, questioning homeless people if they’ve seen Sarah Connor. But, I’d wear the shades, black leather gloves, and matchstick toothpick just like Cobretti.

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