DECEMBER’S DEADBEAT OF THE MONTH: ELLIS.
If it weren’t for a certain slimy cokehead who annually creeps into my life during Christmastime, I would have begun the first chapter of this brand new TNUC feature during the first of next year. But like always, Ellis becomes a strong moral hero every December as we sit down to watch one of the essential films of the holiday, Die Hard.
“Hey babe, I negotiate million dollar deals over breakfast. I think I can handle this Eurotrash.”
We can only ponder what would have been of Ellis if not for the fatal night at Nakatomi Plaza’s company Christmas party. As depressed as TNUC was to witness his brutal demise, I have strong feelings that Ellis left this world on top. The reasoning behind this is largely due to the 8-ball it appears that he finished before he was killed. Ellis’ booger-sugar marathon begins before the terrorists arrive and he’s even seen keeping the party going strong during the violent hostage takeover. By the time he enters Hans’ office to work the smooth moves, he’s sweating profusely and making some of the most explosive facial gestures this side of the Mississippi.
His coke-fueled charisma during this scene ultimately gave this white knight first dibs on the Deadbeat Of The Month feature. From sleazing over female co-workers at the holiday party to being held hostage by foreign terrorists at gunpoint, Ellis remained dedicated to a higher purpose…riding the white lighting to the VERY end.
If you’re out there listening, congrats Ellis. You’ve just been crowned as December’s Deadbeat Of The Month!