RAD BASTARD ALERT: VINCENT BEAST.

It probably comes as no surprise that we think Vincent from the 1987 TV series Beauty and the Beast is one radical bastard. I mean…just look at the guy. This literal ‘night beast’ shares a lot of the same personality traits, characteristics and manimalistic charm as Uncle T. In fact, some scholars proclaim that Vincent and TNUC share a bloodline.

I remember even being a kid and thinking this guy was the coolest looking son of a bitch around. To me, instead of lusting over Linda Hamilton, Uncle Vinnie should’ve been fronting a heavy metal band and prowling the city. If he’s already “living after midnight” in the storyline of the show, then he should be “rocking till the dawn” in the New York City club scene.

Now insert the band WHITE LION. If I was a corrupt record label executive who signed this band I would have adamantly instructed lead singer Mike Tramp to put on some facial prosthetics and transform himself into a lion on stage. The band were successful on MTV with hits like “Wait” and “When the Children Cry” but can you imagine how bigger they would have been with a lion lead singer dressed in medieval garb?

Before watching a single minute of the Beauty and the Beast series, you could spend an eternity collecting Vincent artifacts and paraphernalia inside the internet underworld of the show. The fandom and obsession is something that until recently I had no idea was a thing, and it’s very intense on a slightly concerning level. “The Tunnel Community” (as they call themselves) have published fanzines, dolls, trinkets, merchandise, art, fiction and even to this day hold fan conventions around the world. These fantasy-adventure fanbases always attract the most interesting people from the basements of homes all over the world.

Some fan made merchandise:

Ah, the loin cloth. Yet another similarity between Vincent and Uncle T.

Of course, the deeper you dive into fan made items, the hornier the items get. Vinnie was especially popular with the ladies of the eighties as he is basically a romance novel cover come to life. From 1987 to 1990, for one hour each week, women could fantasize about what it would be like to share the sheets with this sensitive, noble man-beast. He’s like Fabio gracing the cover of every romance novel on the spinner rack at Walgreen’s mixed with David Coverdale of Whitesnake — only bigger, stronger and animalistic.

Move over centaurs because it was time for Vincent to shine.

Picture this for a moment. It’s 1989. “Diane” is ready to collapse after a long day of bagging lunches, getting the kids to school, drop offs at soccer practice, pick ups at the laundromat, vacuuming the house, cooking a casserole for the family and watching her husband pass out on the living room recliner in front of Fox News. Do you honestly believe this starved-for-affection, station-wagon driving housewife is going to pass up a hairy hunk of burning love climbing up the trellis, sneaking through the bedroom window and running her a candlelit bubble bath? I think not.

Now it’s time for TNUC to share with you my most coveted item of ALL TIME. The “Vincent Collector Mask” from the company Distortions Unlimited. Ever since I laid eyes on this mask I’ve wanted it. It has all the TNUC Manimal mascot qualities even if you had no idea it came from Beauty and the Beast.

I consider myself a part-time mask collector but I would stop collecting after finding this mask. It’s that precious and I can’t think of anything else I would possibly need. This mask would be worn to concerts, wedding parties, carnivals, roller rinks, the mall, pool parties and of course just rolling down the highway on my motorcycle with the blonde lion’s mane flapping in the wind.

It wouldn’t be right without acknowledging actor Ron Pearlman who played Vincent so exceedingly well with the neanderthal face that he was blessed with. With nothing but respect and admiration, only Ron could transform into such a believable beast and captivate audiences around the world. You’re the man, Ron!

Thank you for reading Uncle T’s ramblings about this rad-bastard-noble-savage that we hold in such high regard. Don’t forget – the shadows of the night belong to…VINCENT.