CAMP CONFESSIONS: VOODOO VIOLINCE.

Welcome to “Camp Confessions”, a new column that gives our Camp TNUC counselors an opportunity to share their stories and memories of times at summertime’s hottest retreat. All the hijinks, mayhem, barely legal activity, lovers quarrels and cherished moments to be etched in the annals of history…

Having attended Camp TNUC for many years, one of the highlights besides the mud wrestling, panty raids, tug-of-war or lakeside blob launching has always been the talent show. In classic Uncle T fashion, he typically keeps the host and headline act top secret until well after the hot dog eating contest. Despite tight lipped camp counselors and a signed waiver of non-disclosure, inevitably, all it takes for wild-card counselor Butchie to spill the beans to clamoring campers is a pretty face with a pair of supple C cup melons in some cut off denim shorts. While past hosts have included Leslie Jordan, Vincent Schiavelli, Yakov Smirnoff, Edie McClurg and Fabio, Uncle T somehow always finds a way to bring in a major touring musical artist.

Who can forget when King Kobra and Helix nearly got into fisticuffs at the craft services table backstage over the last Hostess Ding Dong? Well despite that little dust up they still put on one hell of a show for the sixty or so sweaty/horny campers that summer.

While I wouldn’t dare spoil a surprise, I’ve been granted exclusive access to disclose this year’s headline entertainment. You may have seen him perform on Jay Leno’s Tonight Show, or perhaps caught him shredding up “Crazy Train” at the Randy Rhodes tribute show, well, now it’s time to rosin up your bows and strap on your fingerless, riveted leather gloves because Uncle T has done it again…it’s Vivaldi meets Vandenburg and Vinnie Vincent. I am pleased to announce Camp TNUC’s 2024 headliner is none other than MR. MARK WOOD, the world’s first heavy metal violinist!