APRIL’S EROTIC THRILLS IN THE NIGHT: THIEF OF HEARTS (1984).

They say “April showers bring TNUC powers” and in today’s case that couldn’t be more true, as we present our Erotic Thrills In The Night for the month of April: the slice of erotica known as THIEF OF HEARTS.

In Thief of Hearts, vicarious indulgence through the fulfillment of one’s fantasies is given a new twist.
If you met Ray and Mickey Davis, you’d swear they had a perfect marriage. But if you read Mickey’s diary, you’d know that unrest is lurking just beneath the surface. Enter Scott Muller, a smalltime burglar who robs the Davis home – making off with assorted valuables and Mickey’s diary.
Muller becomes obsessed with Mickey. He plots to seduce her and play out her most secret fantasies. Mickey is an easy target for Muller’s advances and soon the Davis’s perfect marriage and perfect world is turned upside down.

Hot on the hells of playing Tony Montana’s right hand man as the beloved character Manny in 1983’s Scarface, Steven Bauer gets his big leading role as Scott, a curious crook who one day ends up with the diary of a woman from one of the houses he robs. The diary is filled with fantasies and desires from an unsatisfied housewife who Scott becomes obsessed with and begins popping up wherever she is, saying just the right thing to lure her in.

Sounds like a promising story, doesn’t it? Well…this movie stinks with a capital S. I’ve been watching a lot of questionable erotic thrillers as of late — but this one is especially bad because it has all the makings of a solid, big-feel thriller…but fails to deliver. I kept wondering who are we supposed to be rooting for? Scott is a brood with zero charm, the wife is a boring dud, her husband is a clueless dweeb and the character “Buddy” is played by David Caruso, one of the worst gingers in all of Hollywood. Once again, Caruso shows up in a film role trying to do the hardcore “cool guy” act and once again, he’s the worst. There are no likeable characters in this film.

Now for some good news. It’s time to discuss the one redeeming quality with Thief of Hearts: the soundtrack. This soundtrack has absolutely NO BUSINESS BEING THIS GOOD. Take a glimpse at the track-listing of artists and that will tell you everything you need to know. All the heavy hitters show up on this one. Giorgio Moroder, Harold Faltermeyer, E.G. Daily, Melissa Manchester, Joe Esposito and more.

The film was produced by Jerry Bruckheimer and Don Simpson, who had a huge hit the previous year with Flashdance at the box office and also on the charts with its smash theme song by Irene Cara.  They once again turned to Giorgio Moroder, hoping to recreate that success after Mr. Moroder also composed the score to Flashdance. Moroder ended up composing the main theme but the score would be written by his longtime collaborator Harold Faltermeyer, one of the biggest synth slayers in pulsating, electronic movie scores (Top Gun, The Running Man, Beverly Hills Cop, Tango & Cash).

I can’t think of another instance when a soundtrack is leaps and bounds superior to the actual movie. All this music does is bring me back to my dark alley nights driving around through streets of LA in my ’84 Buick Grand National after my third divorce. Let’s just say I picked up my fair share of leather mistresses as we drove around all night, listening to the new Thief of Hearts soundtrack on cassette.

Don’t just sit there like a lump. Get off your ass and grab Thief of Hearts on compact disc, vinyl or digital if you like convenience. Soundtracks will never be this good again.

‘Erotic Thrills In The Night’ is a monthly chronicle into the forgotten world of the erotic thriller movie genre. These sultry titles and steamy VHS covers were at their absolute peak during the early 1990’s but as years progress, they fall deeper into the abyss. Inspired by the recent documentary We Kill For Love, this monthly feature will attempt to resurrect these films and keep you on the brink of seduction. We can’t predict what indecent behavior will be committed or how much illicit, unprotected, promiscuous activity will ensue, but prepare for a wild ride with lots of saxophone.