PILGRIM T.

Say hello to the man voted sexiest pilgrim in Plymouth 4 weeks in a row back in November of 1620…YE OLDE PILGRIM T. This stunning portrayal was done by artist Dan Gray and we can’t thank him enough!

With all do respect to Squanto, the Native American who is best known for forming the connection between the natives and the Mayflower Pilgrims, the Manimal commonly known as Pilgrim T hardly gets any recognition and is no slouch himself. While Squanto showed the early colonists how to use corn and other means of harvesting crops, Pilgrim T inspired many early settlers when he arrived on his stainless steel horse and buggy, cruising up and down the plantation while trying to impress every Alice, Mary, Elisabeth and Sarah in the damn place.

With his luscious blonde locks swaying in the chilly November air, he showed the colonists an early version of Aqua Net and how to properly tease up those crusty pilgrim mops. He showed the ladies that there’s nothing wrong with loosening up their bonnets once in a while and getting radical. Legend also has it that he brought denim, studs, leather, cigarettes and fingerless gloves to the villagers which explains why one group were voted edgiest settlement of 1620.

Unfortunately as how most TNUC movements meet their demise, things escalated quickly. Pilgrim T was banished from the colony after he was witnessed performing a couple lewd acts while churning butter with the widows of the village. Details are scarce but allegedly left on the scene were copious amounts of butter, maple syrup, strawberry sauce, molasses, liquid heat, condensed milk and cigarettes all over the floor and furniture of the Widow Johnson’s home. He claimed that it was a scientific experiment in attempts to make the first “native lube” which would make the village flourish but the head council weren’t buying any of it.

And now, to celebrate the holiday season and remember Pilgrim T and all his efforts, let’s revisit our Thanksgiving Mixtapes, the “Mystery Meat” series!

Want all (4) Mystery Meat Mixtapes in high-quality download?
Send $20 via PayPal uncletnuc@gmail.com
(I’ve started to sell downloads because these mixtapes always cost Uncle T a few bucks and they are time consuming. Support TNUC and I’ll keep making them for all eternity. Happy Thanksgiving!)