I feel a rumbling in the air lately. People are starved. They need a release. As I walk the beach dunes every night I hear the distant cry of “WE WANT IT HARD. WE WANT IT HEAVY”.

Really though, I think Uncle T speaks for a majority of us who are sick of the watered down, ‘neutered norm’ of today. Of course I’m talking about dating apps, hashtags, memes, streaming music platforms, staring through your phone during a concert, short attention spans, round cars, cheap fame, “influencers”, TV apps, grocery delivery services…the list goes on. Are you nauseous yet? I digress.

Don’t get me wrong, TNUC isn’t ignorant to modern ideas or progression, but is it too much to ask for some simplicity again? We just want to step into a dimly-lit pizza parlor on a Friday night and sit down at a vinyl booth under a neon chandelier with an ice cold pitcher of Barq’s root beer, then play something for a nickel on the table jukebox. After that, head over to the video rental store across the street and choose a movie in 20 minutes or less. Am I dreaming?

So cut the shit already society. We have enough stuff!

How does any of this relate to 1991’s Hard ‘N Heavy Babes Volume 1 Video Calendar? I’m still trying to connect the dots. Please just bare with me because I know you’ll enjoy Rebekka, Tuscany, Michelle, Karen, Carol, Brittany, Jennifer, Tamara, Tatiana, Sheila, Beckie and Kinjir doing what they do best…strutting their goods to the sounds of a generic (but great) rock band called Loud & Clear!

Each video vixen tells us a little about themselves over the course of this 47-minute tape, like Rebekka who explains that she rides motorcycles because “they’re fast and it’s a lot of power in between my legs”. She also likes to shoot hoops, play baseball and has starred in music videos for both Great White and Huey Lewis & The News.

2 Comments on “HARD ‘N HEAVY BABES.”

  1. For all the blondes this video showcases, Sheila/October gets my vote. Even that raspy chain smoking voice is a turn on.

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