BEER BELL.

What your witnessing here today is no dream. It’s absolutely real and it’s definitely happening. A beer glass…a dumbbell…a BEER BELL.

Here we have, sent down from the heavens, a weightlifting/alcohol-consuming device that is simply the key to all greatness. A beer glass firmly sealed to the top of a 1 1/4 lbs dumbbell, crucial for your rigorous, exersize-while drinking workout sessions.

In the event that your brain has a little room left to handle one more explosion, the final whiplash is that it’s a ROAD HOUSE beer bell. I seriously had to pinch myself in the nads’ a couple times when I was sent a link to this Ebay listing from a foreign TNUC super-disciple by the name of Jeb Inge. Wherever the Double Deuce is located in heaven, this has to be what Wade Garrett is drinking his 27th Coors banquet beer out of at this very moment (mixed with drops of Jimmy’s blood). Not only Wade, but every 40 year old adolescent, felon, power drinker and trustee of modern chemistry. All are fully equipped with beer bells.

With every drunken raise of the beer bell, you get a free small arm workout. Couldn’t ask for anything more. Well, maybe Dr. Elisabeth Clay shaking her late-eighties long-butt in that tablecloth skirt would be one additional bonus, but other than that, the beer bell…excuse me, the ROAD HOUSE BEER BELL – is the holy grail of everything and beyond everything.

But wait. What would this prized possession be without an instructional book on how to “exercise while you drink”? Head on over to the TNUC Facebook page for images of every page in the book – featuring helpful tips and techniques such as the two-handed arm curl, the toast, the lover’s chug, the killer chest fly and even a progress chart to keep track of your workouts!

2 Comments on “BEER BELL.

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