If a part of you didn’t already see this coming, clearly you aren’t visiting your Uncle T enough…
So how is TNUC spending Superbowl Sunday? Take a WILD guess.
Times up. Obviously we plan on paying tribute to one of our pinnacle father figures of inspiration, SIR BRIAN BOSWORTH. You read that correctly, we’re now required by contract to put a “Sir” in front of the platinum-blonde-mullet-warrior’s name. The Boz’s face was even recently chiseled in granite on the first step into the TNUC fortress. To put it lightly, his level of importance is paramount to our way of life.
As soon as word broke out that the Seattle Seahawks would potentially go all the way this Sunday, we had no choice but to declare this weekend as BOZ WEEKEND.
The press hasn’t told us if Boz himself is planning on making an appearance at his former team’s big game. For now we can only wonder. Will he ride his “John Stone collector edition series” Harley Davidson through the stadium naked, stopping at the 50 yard line for an extreme-close-up of him tipping his shades? Or casually strut onto the field wearing Zubaz pants to take his Komoto Dragon for a lap? If we’re REALLY lucky, he’ll re-create one of his big explosion action sequences from the 1991 biker-blockbuster Stone Cold during the halftime show and ruin everything! All we know for the moment is that Uncle T will be frantically sweating at the edge of his seat, waiting to find out.
If you don’t care about football, you actually have a greater advantage because this will allow for an adventure-packed BOZ WEEKEND without any interruption from sports. Nobody in their right mind could deny their admiration for an undercover cop that wears crop-top muscle sweatshirts and tells his pet Komodo Dragon “you’re gonna’ have to eat your grub if you wanna’ be a stud” [see video below]. Oh, and a girlfriend equipped with one of the best long-butts of 1991 that struts her stuff around his condo all day.
So pull that rugged copy of Stone Cold out, pop it in the VCR and immediately witness your adrenaline start to escalate. But don’t you dare stop after Stone Cold because there’s plenty of top-notch Boz material to keep you busy all weekend long. Raid your local flea markets to try and find copies of 1995’s One Man’s Justice, 1996’s Spill, or bag all that and watch this commercial for Right Guard deoderant with The Boz. Oh, and what do we have here? A Stone Cold 1-900 number commercial to meet and have dinner with the man himself!
Take a good look at that. It’s a single-dangling-cross earring that appears to be a small crystal. This guy CONTINUES to amaze.
Whatever distractions come your way on Sunday, we hope you can shed aside a moment of time to bask in BOZ WEEKEND. Take pride in knowing that for a brief moment a mulleted powerhouse named Brian Bosworth once walked football fields looking and acting the way he did. Thanks Boz.
(We almost forgot to give a brief history into the man’s brief football career, so if you’re interested in that, check out the comment section of this post for a passage from the TNUC history books.)